Ninja Potter & The Philosophers Gym

 Happy 2011 Ninjarettes.

Gym Ninja has actually written up TWO blog posts so far this year, and yet neither have been published, as all New Year Blogs on fitness tend to be much of a muchness. All 'what makes you think you will succeed this year', 'start as you mean to go on', and 'tricks to stay on track'. All very worthwhile of course, but Gym Ninja got bored of her own ramblings, so will  instead dress up the same old fitness New Year message in a more recognisable format....and yes, perhaps it is based loosely on Harry Potter. What of it......? Ahem.


Ninja Potter & The Philosophers Gym.




2011 sees the start of a new term for Ninja Potter at Gymwarts, the place dedicated to  training up eager new Gym Newbies, as well as the older more established Gym Goers.  This is where the magic begins. 


Welcome to  Gymwarts. 


Gymwarts is where the eager Gym Newbies learn how to work their bodies. This is where they learn that exercise CAN become a regular part of their lives in the same way that beer & wine managed to sneak it's way in as a regular habit also. 


The First Semester Lesson timetable for the Gym Newbie will often contain the following:


Gym Induction


This introduces the Gym Newbie to the magical environment that is the gym.  The scared, big-eyed Newbie will stand agog at the high ceilings and weird, scary looking machinery inside Gymwarts. Their Gym Tutor will sooth the Gym Newbie, take them into a small cupboardesque room, tell them not to feel apprehensive or scared...and then  cast a spell* over them, freaking the Gym Newbie out by pinching and measuring and weighing the last ounce of confidence out of them before revealing 'as if by magic' just how terribly unfit and close to death they really are. 


*This spell is known as : Humilio Immobulus






Cardio Spell Casting Class


Moving stairs? That'll be the Stairmaster, a bewitched piece of kit that mimics the kind of steep escalator you find at tube stations and other torturous places. There may only appear to be 5 steps, however the magic you discover creates a never ending hell of stairs that keep coming back again and again, until it magically transforms* it's victim either into a God with glutes of iron, OR...a watery puddle of a person.


*This spell is known as: Glutea Mortis


Magical ability to run yet stay levitating in the same place? That'll be the treadmill. Newbies must learn that although this kit can create some magic, it is no the all-singing-all-dancing-all-powerful magical piece of equipment that allows them to potter about on it at 1 mph and expect to morph into a Gym Nymph!  The side effect of casting a Treadmill based spell* is a redness in the facial area.


*This spell is known as Pinkicheek Confundus




Muscle Magic Class


A very fast acting type of spell casting. The spells learned here can reshape the body drastically* if done correctly. However if done incorrectly** they can become rather dangerous and cause damage, muscle imbalance, odd looking physique due to lack of symmetry and also pulls and strains of the muscles. Here you will learn how to use the magical dumbbells and barbells correctly, learn how to ride a weights bench and memorise the variations of sets and reps that can change the spell cast from one of endurance, to hypertrophy or power. 




*This spell is known as Torso Transformis Beautifico 


**This spell is known as Symmetry Stupify


You will also be taught the magic of rest.* How to avoid over training and smoothing over that defined muscle (too much is as bad as too little) & how to switch things up every so often to avoid plateau**


*This spell is known as  Muscle Repairo 


**This spell is known as Plateau Expelliarmus 


You will also be taught which spells are classed as bad magic. On this list appear the following:


 Musclestrain Immobulus 


Crucio Hurtus


Faffy Engorgio




Stretch Casting


Ahh, the stretch class that everyone at Gymwarts usually thinks is the easy option and the class to skive!  WRONG! This is a really important  part of the magic you learn. Without it you will fall foul of being on the receiving end of the following spell:


Torso Petrificus 


This spell renders you immobile or at the very least, walking like an ex rodeo bull rider.  Stretch Casting is vital. It keeps the muscles limber, the joints mobile and kick starts the repair process. Repair of muscles damaged whilst exercising is vital for change and progress!




OK so that is enough from Gymwarts for the time being. Story Time is coming to an end.


However, just before Gym Ninja goes, she has a few New Year money saving treats for you all. Yes she does! How kind of her huh?


Maximuscle are doing a new ' 30 Day Challenge' and this time it isn't The Cyclone Challenge. Oh no!
It is the Lean Mean defined Challenge, or 'The New Body Challenge' as they call it!  See their website for more details here at


 www.maximuscle.com

 They are also offering up various reduced price bundles.


The Lean Definition Bundles. 
Weight Loss Pack 1 is an example here  (there are plenty of other bundles though) should usually cost you £157.96 but up until the beginning of February you can grab it for £99 with FREE delivery. 
http://www.awin1.com/cread.php?awinmid=1495&awinaffid=99870&clickref=&p=http://www.maximuscle.com/promotions2010/weightlossoffers.html

There are Size & Strength Bundles. 
Progain Extreme Starter Pack is the example here that usually costs £112.95 that you can buy for just £1.99, again with FREE Delivery. 
http://www.awin1.com/cread.php?awinmid=1495&awinaffid=99870&clickref=&p=http://www.maximuscle.com/promotions2010/musclebuildingoffers.html


Finally there are a High Protein Bundles. 
Promax Starter Pack is the example here that is normally £74.96 but you can grab it for £49.99 again with FREE delivery.
http://www.awin1.com/cread.php?awinmid=1495&awinaffid=99870&clickref=&p=http://www.maximuscle.com/promotions2010/highproteinoffers.html


So go have a rummage and start the magic with some quality supplements to support your nutrition & training goals. 


Gym Ninja x

Roller coaster Ninja

Hi.


Obviously things have been going on, hence the lack of blog posts (again). 
Uhh, remember the good old days when Gym Ninja blogged daily? Let us pray those days return as Gym Ninja's head is full of blog fodder ready to spill over into this area of online faffiness.


Thursday saw the return trip to see Vole, the Physio given the task of de-tingling Gym Ninja's arms and hands. The condition (most likely a trapped nerve) was brought on by heavy mileage driving the Blandmobile if you recall?  


Vole: "How are you getting on? Any better?"


GN: "No, in fact if anything it's even worse. More tingles that keeps me awake and affect my grip".


Vole looked back, with her non-responsive face.


Vole: "What about the exercises I gave you? Have they helped at all?"


Hmm, now you can all read back to the last post to see what they were. Effectively a bit of faffy stretching and some rubber band work. Of course, if Vole listened properly then surely having heard Gym Ninja's comment about the tingling growing worse, she'd realise that this in turn meant the exercises had not helped whatsoever?  Gym Ninja clarified this with Vole. Vole looked glum. 


"Oh".


Then followed some physio-waggling of Gym Ninja's arm. Gym Ninja had to say how it felt in certain positions whilst lying on her back like a Muppet.  After much waggling, Vole decided it was definitely upper back/neck muscular tightness that was compressing a nerve that was in turn causing tingles. Great. We kind of knew that before we came here.


Gym Ninja was asked to sit on the bed whilst Vole stood behind her.  Vole pressed Gym Ninja's neck and traps. At one point Gym Ninja mentioned something to Vole.


"I often press there as it kind of helps relieve the pain or discomfort when it flares up".


Vole continued to press on the trigger point silently as Gym Ninja sat in front of her. Gym Ninja felt as if she were posing for one of those Victorian photos-the ones where you sit/stand in a fixed position for ages whilst the camera  takes the shot. 


"What I want you to do, is press on this area and when the pain subsides, press a bit deeper, OK?"


Riiiight. So Vole wants Gym Ninja to do what Gym Ninja has already been doing? 
Fine. 
No problem. 


Then Vole waggled and twisted Gym Ninja's arm out to the side, flexing the wrist.


"I often do that when it gets tingly" Said Gym Ninja. "It seems to help".


Vole nodded. Well, Gym Ninja assumes she nodded, as Gym Ninja was sat in front of Vole  in the Victorian Photo position.


"OK, so the other exercise I want you to do is this..." And with that, Vole then flexed Gym Ninja's wrist in the EXACT SAME WAY Gym Ninja had already said she already did.


Great. 


Phyiso exercises for THIS week are exactly what Gym Ninja told Vole she does anyway, and Vole repeated back to her. Fan. Bloody. Tastic. 


Confessional Ninja.


Gym Ninja, has 12 days to a Secret Project,  therefore is eating clean with a vengeance. Everything is being focussed onto this project and Gym Ninja's meals and training sessions are super strict to reflect this. Saying that, sometimes the body just refuses to play ball and forces Gym Ninja to fall headlong, face down, into a bag of chocolate buttons. 
UHHH!
Why?


Firstly allow Gym Ninja to explain. She rarely eats chocolate and never eats sweets. Gym Ninja cannot eat sweets as it was SUCH a horrendous addiction that she once had, that the only way to recover and wean herself off the sugar and chemical roller coaster was to go cold turkey. No sweets/ Zero tolerance. This happened May 2009. Now Gym Ninja does not crave sweets. The chemical addiction has been broken. But occasionally, if standing near her Niece's chocolate button stash, she is tempted.....
Yeh. Her 3 year old Niece's chocolate buttons. Gym Ninja took chocolate off a child. OK, so not quite OFF the child. The child wasn't aware the chocolate buttons were in the draw at her grandparents' house. Gym Ninja knew of this.  Gym Ninja's body demanded she try one...and before GN knew it? GONE!


The trick to handling such a disaster is to draw a line under it, and get right back on track with what one was doing before. THIS is how you succeed. Do not use the chocolate button feast as a trigger to launch you into a day or week-long binge Or use it to stop with the healthy habits completely, declaring yourself a failure. Accept it happened. LOOK at why it may have happened? (Gym Ninja had been particularly stressed that day and was lacking in sleep-two factors that make the body crave instant gratification and energy). Then ensure it doesn't happen again. 
It will NOT Happen again. The reward you crave long-term regarding health, fitness and physically how you look and feel, is WAY more rewarding than a 5 minute scoffing of chocolate buttons. Use that focus and move on.


Finally, in this 'erratic' blog post, Gym Ninja would like to tell you all of something wonderful that happened today. It brought more than a few tears to Gym Ninja's eyes & has reminded her that people are truly wonderful and that we often forget it.


A few days ago, Gym Ninja had been on Twitter and posted a tweet asking if anyone had a copy of Lord Sugar's Autobiography she could borrow? The guy is inspirational in terms of how he built his empire out of nothing, how he recovered from major setbacks and pulled himself together and grew stronger because of it. Gym Ninja  decided she would learn much from such an inspirational man and as funds are currently dire, borrowing a book would be a sensible option.   Today, the Postman attempted to batter down Gym Ninja's front door.


SHUSH Postman! Gym Ninja is not sleeping as she has a major gym session planned. Oh and incidentally, why DO you call 3 hours earlier on a Saturday than a week day? THAT doesn't make sense now does it? Anyhow...the door was buckling under his ham fists. Gym Ninja yanked open the door.


There was a parcel. Oh. GymNinja hadn't ordered a thing? Was it an error?  Opening the parcel, Gym Ninja was stunned to see a copy of Lord Sugar's Autobiography.... and a note.  The note was from an online client who Gym Ninja has only known via the wonders of email for just under a month. The client had seen the tweet and bought Gym Ninja a copy of the book.


AMAZING!




Truly the nicest thing anyone has done for Gym Ninja for as long as she can recall. Completely out of the blue and such a thoughtful gift. Hopefully Gym Ninja can use Lord Sugar's book to assist her in working towards her own goals, which in turn, are helping others achieve theirs.....


So Gym Ninja is now off to read the book.......


PS


Maximuscle have extended their ever-changing Deal of The Day so you may want to click on a side link and go check out what money you can save today....see? It's all about helping others xx

Physio Ninja

Yep.

It is true!

Even Gym Ninja requires some help every now and then.  Physio!!!!!!

If you cast your mind back you may recall that, thanks to a previous sales role that involved driving the most hideous Blandmobile Company Car for hours at a time across the UK, Gym Ninja ended up with a compressed nerve or two that lead to aching muscles and numb tingly arms/hands. That in itself also landed Gym Ninja in the MD's office and also straight out of the door having been sacked because of it. (Fondant Fancy was the code word remember?)  Nice. Cheers. Fantastic. 

That was in May. Last week Gym Ninja FINALLY had her first Physio appointment. Well, there's a waiting list apparently.  Gym Ninja's Physio was a quiet woman. VERY quiet. A Physiotherapy equivalent of a Vole. Let us call her Vole.  She wore cartoon socks too. Hmmmmmmmm.............

Vole asked Gym Ninja many many questions about the tingly arms, numbness and how it affected her grip (lucky for anyone who may annoy Gym Ninja, her grip is slightly compromised!).  Vole wasn't exactly exuding confidence. She merely scribbled down some notes, paused and then asked another random question. Listen up Vole, if you don't know what the problem is, just say so? 

After about 15 mins of questions, Vole decided to examine Gym Ninja. Oh. OK. So Gym Ninja has never had Physio before and hadn't realised she'd probably need to wear a layer over her underwear and beneath her jumper. Without this layer, it meant that Vole got an eyeful of Gym Ninja's Assets in what can only be described as lingerie that isn't everyone's daytime choice...

After much prodding and faffing Vole decided Gym Ninja may have a compressed nerve. OK. So even Gym Ninja had worked this out! Thus followed a few demos of  neck stretches and a delightful upper trap/shoulder and neck massage.

WOW!

Gym Ninja LOVES Physio. The massage was AMAZING! Gym Ninja has a neck that is hot-wired for pleasure so when someone strokes it then it feels fantastic. Gym Ninja bounced out of Physio promising to return the next week having done her neck stretches 4 x daily.

One week on. 

Gym Ninja had maybe managed to remember to stretch her neck twice a day? Ah well. It's not like she wants to become one of those tribal women with the elongated necks with rings is it?Also, thanks to some additional driving and heavy lifting at the gym (the lifting was at the gym, NOT the driving BTW) , the tingling was worse, and painful too. 

Vole greeted Gym Ninja on her 2nd appointment.  Asked how things had been and showed a level of concern that maybe mustered a 5 on a scale of 1-10 when Gym Ninja explained the worsening of the problem? Vole then asked Gym Ninja to lie on the bed and dragged her arm about for a few minutes. 

Gym Ninja's arm, not her own. That'd be weird. 

After the dragging of the arm, Vole now decided Gym Ninja had incredibly tight (and Gym Ninja is now QUOTING Vole directly) "Thingie muscles".

WHAT?

THINGIE muscles? 

"Oh you mean the rhomboids/traps and upper lats?" Asked Gym Ninja. 

Vole nodded. 

"Yep, They are probably compressing a nerve & must have tightened up when you were driving for hours at a time. We need to mobilise it". 

EXCELLENT! More massage! 

Oh wait. But no. No. Vole wanted to teach Gym Ninja some moves to do. The first rehab move was as follows.

To sit on a chair and arch the back over the chair.

'Repeat.'

"Amount of times?" Enquired Gym Ninja

"A few times" Said Vole, unhelpfully.

A 'few'? Is that higher or lower than 56? OK so Gym Ninja needs to sit on a chair and arch her back a few times. Riiiiiiight. 

Okaaaaaaaaaay.

Next exercise.

Grab a resistance band and hook it around a door handle.

"Do you have a resistance band?" Enquired Vole?

Hmm.

Vole knows Gym Ninja is a PT.

"Yes I have about 15" Replied Gym Ninja.

The next rehab move was as follows:

Loop resistance band around door handle and stand in front of door gripping each end of band.

Twist from left to right whilst pulling with arms, keeping hips still.

Do this a 'few' times.

UHHH!

Theres that vague word again. 

"How OFTEN should I be doing this a day?" Asked Gym Ninja.

"A few times" Replied Vole.

Gym Ninja raised an eyebrow.

"Er, maybe every few hours?" Said Vole. 

MAYBE?

Nobody likes a Vague Vole!

"It'll loosen up the thingie muscles" Said Vole.

Gym Ninja looked at Vole. Great.

Next it was time to lie face down on the massage bed. YESSSSSSSS!

But wait.

No.

Vole merely wanted to prod Gym Ninja's thingie muscles as if trying to pop bubble wrap. 

This was rubbish!

"Do you think it would help if I did some Self-Myofascial Release work on it?" Asked Gym Ninja helpfully.

Vole looked confused.

"Foam Rolling? To loosen the tightness?" Gym Ninja tried to explain further.

"Er....yeh I suppose you could?" Replied Vole, looking blankly at Gym Ninja. 

Jeeeez!.

 After 3 minutes of Bubble Wrap work, Gym Ninja was sent away.

Whaaaaaaaaat?

NO massage?

Remarkably, this Vague Vole work has now inflamed the nerve endings which resulted in aching limbs for Gym Ninja last night. Damned Vole! 

So do return next week for your thrilling installment of Vole Watch.

Laters

Gym Ninja x

PS

Gym Ninja forgot. The Offer of The Day from Maximuscle.... clicky clicky linky for a bargain!!!!!

www.maximuscle.com/promotions2010/dealoftheday.html


Gym Ninja hears there is a saving of over £60 on Today's offer.....

Photo Ninja

Aha!


Back again! OK, so admittedly with another brief blog but it's about forming the habit again ok? 


Gym Ninja has noticed a worrying trend at her gym. She's mentioned it before.  It annoys her immensely. OK, so that doesn't narrow things down. So allow this next section to do so...

So, are you getting Gym Ninja's rage now? OK so maybe it's not really rage-worthy, but it is pointless.  Unnecessary even.  Gym Ninja has a few questions for those who partake in such weird habits.......

So the number on the locker isn't enough for you to remember where you stashed your gym kit? Are you REALLY in the gym so long you forget? 

As you DO seem to be unable to retain a locker number or location, you have selected some way of triggering your memory that works best. You thought a cuddly toy hanging from the padlock was a good idea? Not perhaps a coloured padlock?

In what world does a grown adult BUY a keyring with a cuddly toy on it? Did you happen to have the keyring anyway or did you go out and purposely seek a cuddly toy key ring specifically for gym locker use?

FINALLY.....not only is the cuddly toy NOT enough to help trigger your memory, but you have to make the goddam toy wear a T Shirt with your NAME On it?

REALLY?

Yes, Gym Ninja is talking to you Rachel and Sally (see above). Name and shame!

Uhhh!

Gym Ninja wonders if the Mens Locker Room have similar problems? 

Just before Gym Ninja goes, she has received thanks for yesterdays bargainous Maximuscle offers. So as you have all been patient, you can have another one. Yep. Consider yourselves spoiled...and there is a link too!!!!! 

Three for Two on Cyclone as a Deal Of The Day! if you've not tried it then do so. Gym NInja is talking noticeable results in 30 days with this stuff.  Apparently they do a different deal every day (hence the name!) 

Now off you pop! Come back tomorrow yeh?

Gym Ninja x

Gun Show

Ooh, who'd have thought that Gym Ninja was FINALLY back on track (ish) and blogging AGAIN without a 57 day delay? Let us not, however, get ahead of ourselves. Plenty of time for that!


Gym Ninja, having been inspired after a particularly evil Personal Training Session inflicted on a client who barely made it through alive (and yet did, which is always a good sign & less damaging to Gym Ninja's Personal Liability Insurance), was all geared up for a quality session of her own. But first, she nipped in on route to the gym to visit her nephew & niece. 


Gym Ninja's nephew 'M' is 10. He has unfeasibly long big toes(the other toes are normal size) & hair like a thatched cottage roof.  Gym Ninja's niece 'T' is 3, super cute and calls high heels Gym Ninja shoes'. Bless.  It was half term so both were at home.  Gym Ninja was snacking on sushi when M came to chat. 


"Is that all you eat?" M asked?


Poor M. Never ask Gym Ninja about what she eats or you'll receive a 5 minute ramble on her eating habits. M never does learn!  The talk then turned to fitness. M declared himself unfit.


"You cannot be unfit, as you do Judo" Reminded Gym Ninja.


M shook his head.


"I AM unfit. I got puffed out running from the living room to the kitchen just then" He said, looking a bit dismayed.  Now to Gym Ninja, who lives & breathes fitness (oh and sparkly glittery things...and gadgets....) that was a trigger to the layman's speech on aerobic and anaerobic energy systems within the body. Anaerobic became 'Rocket Fuel'.


To be fair, Gym Ninja thought she was doing a good enough job, however M started to glaze over, nodded his head a few times, looked around the kitchen and then darted out of the room before Gym Ninja had even finished the rocket fuel analogy ...


Oh. 


So Gym Ninja decided to head to the gym where like minded folk went. OK, so maybe not quite like minded. A bit similar? Hmm, not even that. OK so Gym Ninja was in the same building as them ok?


Gym Ninja began with her 'Do as I say, NOT as I do' method of training. Gym Ninja hits cardio first. Yeh yeh yeh, even Gym Ninja tells clients to start with weights and finish with cardio, but again to reiterate, it just doesn't WORK for Gym Ninja. She ALWAYS loses the drive to do the cardio, so as a freak of nature, Gym Ninja begins with hardcore sweating!  


Back to the story. A 20 minute HIIT run was on the cards. Gym Ninja warmed up and cranked up the treadmill for her run. Luckily she'd chosen the perfect time for her session as it was slap bang in the middle of Kids TV. YAY! Sadly, her favourite show Ooglies  (a link for your convenience is supplied!) was not on....pfft, however Sean The Sheep WAS! Fantastic!


It must look very odd to see Gym Ninja crank out sprint intervals whilst laughing out loud at Sean The Sheep?  Whatever gets a girl through her session huh? That and the latest Album from MOS 'The Rush' Worth a purchase on iTunes if you need dance tracks to get you through cardio. 


As Gym Ninja cooled down from her run, she noticed the man on the adjacent treadmill. He was running with floppy hands. Jazz Hands! Do you recall Jazz Hands Man from months ago? Here he was again, hands flailing like rubber comedy hands, fingers waggling like jelly. SO glad that wasn't spotted mid-run or else it'd ruin the session.


Now unbeknown to Gym Ninja, today was the day of 'The Gun Show'. 
Well, Gym Ninja 'assumes' this to be the case, as everywhere she turned her eyes she was hit by an almighty pair of well-sculpted arms with amazingly defined delts capping them. Mmm. Gym Ninja has a soft spot for arms like that! Add to the mix half or full sleeve tattoos and OMG, it's enough to make the sulky faced Ninja crack a smile.  The gym was crawling with amazing arms!  Bejeeezus. best head into the women only section seeing as it was impossible to concentrate.....


The Womens Gym area was almost deserted. Terribly untidy too, considering women use it. Does NO-ONE pick  dumbbells up and rack them anymore? Bright purple stability balls were scattered across the floor like rubbery tumbleweed.  Gym Ninja tripped over an Ab Cradle.


AHHHR!


Damned Ab Cradles. Take them away from GymNinja's line of vision. Useless gimmicky things! Endless rows of beached women lined up on the floor, stuffed into an Ab Cradle, arms lolloping over the top of the frame, elbows slumped o the pads, desperately trying to drag themselves up off the floor whilst their arms battle against them, pinning them straight back down again. Burn the lot of them! (The Ab Cradles, not the women BTW).


OK. Rant Over.


Today was an Upper Body Day & Gym Ninja worked in supersets of compound & isolation moves for the chest, back, shoulders and then finishing up with arms.  Apart from two girls who came in half way through the session, the area was pretty much deserted. Unfortunately the two girls training were very distracting. The first girl, we shall call her Ballerina thanks to her habit of standing with one leg curled around the other as she faffed with dumbells, arching her lower back into lordosis as she did so, was alone at first, performing wobbly Overhead Triceps Extensions whilst straining her lower back. Her friend, Girl 2 (aka Gossip) walked into the room and shouted over to Ballerina to say hi.


Ballerina, already in danger if smashing a hole in her skull due to a barely controlled dumbbell above her head, turned around, saw Gossip and began to walk towards her, chatting.....an STILL performing wobbly  Overhead Triceps Extensions. Almost as if she had forgotten she was doing so? Once in front of Gossip, she again wrapped one leg behind the other, arched her back and continued to exercise whilst chatting. HOW many reps are you doing lady? Jeeez! Sometimes Gym Ninja would do well to wear blinkers whilst training...


Post workout, Gym Ninja went to get her bag & out of it took her post workout supplements. Not magic bullets. No. Supplements. They 'supplement' a healthy balanced nutrition plan so don't be rushing out hoping that some shakes and pills will counteract the damage of a bag of Haribo and a FatDonalds Fatty meal! 


What is Gym Ninja's post workout preferences?  Tadaaaaaaaaa! Behold....

The beloved Maximuscle Promax protein in Choc Mint (yum), some BCAAs (branch chain amino acids) and L-Glutamine (another amino acid that aids recovery).  Yes, of course Gym Ninja received some dodgy 'OMG THAT GIRL IS ON DRUGS' looks, but then if the girls shooting the looks have arms like wet noodles and midsections like 'Available for hire Bouncy Castles' then who cares?  

So with that 'tasty little snack' consumed, Gym Ninja could now exit stage left, her work here done for another day. 

Gym Ninja x

Sabotaged!!!

Hmm, somebody or something sabotaged Gym Ninja today.  Not sure why, or when they did it, yet it became apparent that something was going on as the gym session today wore on....

Firstly, Gym Ninja nearly didn't make it to today. No, for last night a spider the size of a rhino thundered across the floor, towards the zebra print rug (& Hamish the cat), stopping dead, one leg on the rug, 7 legs on the tiled floor when Gym Ninja started to move (in panic).

*Mexican Spider Stand Off*

Now what? Would Hamish leap into action & wrestle the rhino spider to the floor, chewing off it's legs one by one leaving a currant sized dot?

No. Hamish would join in with the Mexican Spider Stand Off. Everyone/thing was still. So Gym Ninja started to walk towards the rhino spider, only for it to dart away towards the sofa (at this point Hamish had shown an interest), before back tracking and scurrying under the coffee table. Hamish decided this may be fun to follow, and did simply that, keeping a 'safe 'distance. Great. The rhino spider then scuttled back from under the table, and towards the hallway door. Hamish, again, trotted behind it, creating some sort of spidercat trial akin to sheepdog trials.  Uhhhr! Why no kill?  In the end, Gym Ninja, bored of this game and not wanting rhino spider to disappear, grow bigger and strangle Gym Ninja in her sleep, trod on it.

THERE! A rhino spider sized splat on the floor. Job done.

Braving the weather Gym Ninja headed to the gym. On route she received a text from a client who had trained two days earlier with GN. It had rude words in it about leg soreness. Aww, how terribly rewarding it is training clients? Marvelous stuff. With a smile on her face, Gym Ninja went to get changed ready for some low intensity cardio (tattoo still not quite healed) & some upper body work.

Annoyingly, there are women out there who see the A frame (the A shaped rack where the dumbbells are stored) as a friend. They do not wish to move too far away from The A Frame for fear of losing the friendship of the A Frame, or indeed buckling under the weight of a 2kg dumbbell & not having the strength to make it back to the rack. Therefore they select their cotton bud sized dumbbells and then move 3cm away from The A Frame, before performing a few bad lateral raises/biceps cursl/general comedy swings. Now the problem with this is that Gym Ninja needs to gain access to The A Frame herself. This becomes nigh impossible if a few of you have congregated around it and are flinging weights about. This happened today and caused Gym Ninja much annoyance.

As the workout progressed, Gym Ninja was struck by that horrid feeling again. The pinging sensation from a few blog posts ago?

WARDROBE MALFUNCTION!

Aka Sports Bra Suicide.  Yep, the rascal had given up the ghost and pinged a strap. Mid chest workout too! Hmmm....in hindsight maybe this was in some way linked to the area Gym Ninja was working? However surely they are made of sterner stuff? So now what? Carry on, without correct support and feeling a bit 'wrong'? Uuuh, no. So with that Gym Ninja had to return to the changing rooms and do a rudimentary repair job. With The Twins firmly restrained, it was then back up to the gym to continue with the weights session.   Within 10 minutes...PING!

AHHHR!

This time it was the other strap committing suicide. Now who (or what) had meddled with Gym Ninja's clothing? This is surely not normal behaviour? Hmm, can rhino spiders do stuff like this? Are they known for their dextrous legs? Had a relative of the now splatted rhino spider sneaked into Gym Ninja's sports bag and started meddling with the stitching as an act of revenge? Pffft!

Gym Ninja, now realising how fruitless another repair job would be, had to then struggle through the rest of the session incorrectly restrained!  This just wasn't respectable!

Once finished, Gym Ninja gathered her locker key and sweat towel and headed back out of the gym area, passing a wall smeared in orange stripes. Ahh, the Fake Tan Stretching Wall.  You'd think someone would get a cloth and clean it once in a while huh?

Gym Ninja walked to her locker, grabbed the lanyard that her key was attached to and....

Oh!

Where the HELL was the key??????  NOW what had that Goddam spider done? Gnawed through the metal so that the key would slip off? Gym  Ninja hoped she wasn't now being haunted by the ghost of rhino spider? So, with The Twins loose (so to speak) Gym Ninja had to then re-trace her steps. Twice GN did this before eventually finding the key in the changing rooms! Uhhr!

On route from the changing rooms, Gym Ninja was hollared by a woman who had asked GN about her protein quaffing a few weeks ago. The woman had been interested as to why GN was drinking it as it was something she said her sons drank, and would it help her gain some muscle definition if she drank it? At the time, Gym Ninja had given the woman a crash course in protein supplementation and recommended Maximuscle (as this is GN's beverage of choice!).   Anyhow, the woman came over to Gym Ninja...

"I went to buy some of that protein the other day" She said. "I went to a small shop locally and explained to the old guy there what I wanted and he said it wasn't for me". 

At this, the woman looked forlorn. 

"Really? Why on earth did he say that?" Questioned Gym Ninja, astonished. Surely in this day and age guys don't still think girls can't take protein supplements? 

"He said it would make me fat and that it would make me bigger and not help me!"  

OMG. Well it appears that there still ARE indeed some misinformed people out there.  So with that, Gym Ninja explained that the Promax protein she'd recommended was low calorie and low carb and that it would support lean muscle growth and not make her fat. Yes perhaps some cheaper less effective brands loaded with sugar and high in calories may add weight, but not in this case. So Gym Ninja made the woman promise to bypass the store and instead go and buy some from Tesco instead. The woman nodded and off she went. 

So just to remind any new readers out there, protein alone won't turn you into some sort of musclebound man/woman. You only need to look around your gym to notice how few of those exist! But what it will do is give your body the fuel and nutrients it needs to repair post-workout, and by repairing it can then reshape and grow stronger.  When choosing a brand, each to their own. Gym Ninja pays extra (when compared to a lot of the brands out there) to use Maximuscle as this is the brand she has seen greatest improvements using herself and it tastes pretty amazing too.  Remember like everything in life, you get what you pay for. Send off for samples if a supplement company offer them and see what you like? There's no point saving money by buying a cheaper brand it if tastes like dishwater and you won't drink it. On the flip side, tasting great isn't always an indicator of a quality supplement, so do your research, compare ingredients and choose what's best for you. As a general and sweeping statement, go for the well-known brands such as Maximuscle, CNP, MuscleTech, PhD, EAS etc, and avoid cheap and cheerful makes like 'Holland & Barrett' or 'Body Fortress'. 

There you go. You all just got the woman's rapid protein lesson too! 

On that note, Gym Ninja shall leave you all to it and allow you to all begin your homework of googling various supplement brands and doing your own product comparison.

Toodle pip!

Gym Ninja (& the ghost of rhino spider) x

Nutrition Ninja & the Polyester Boys

Today Gym Ninja attended a course entitled 'Advanced Nutrition of Physical Performance'. It was a 1 day course that would cover nutritional information and sports supplementation to, well, enhance physical performance (hence the  name of the course).  Running late, Gym Ninja hot-footed it into the venue location. No need for fitness gear today as it was merely a series of lectures, so Gym Ninja dressed as a 'girl' in a little cute black dress and knee boots.

The course tutor turned out to be one of Gym Ninja's Personal Trainer examiners. He greeted Gym Ninja warmly and then announced that everyone on the course should follow him to the classroom. Gym Ninja stood up.....as did just two others.

WHAT?

Only 3 on the course?

Not only that, but the other two were male, and dressed head to toe in ghetto fabulous shellsuits. EEEK! Polyester sportswear at it's very worst! Gym Ninja looked down at her girl dress and boots, and looked back at the men in their Polyester clothes. Why, Gym Ninja was some sort of chameleon surely the way she manages to blend into every crowd wherever she goes....ahem.  

The two Polyester Boys stared at Gym Ninja, horrified that a girl was in their midsts. How could this be? A GIRL interested in sports nutrition and supplementation?   In total silence all three trailed after the tutor to the classroom and Gym Ninja, first into the classroom, headed towards a seat and sat down. The Polyester Boys followed Gym Ninja, and then sat next to each other, leaving a very noticeable gap between themselves and Gym Ninja in her natural fabrics.  Mixing well so far!!!!!

The tutor decided the class (such that it was) needed to introduce themselves. Polyester Boy 1 (PB1) began. He was some sort of coach for a 2nd division football team.  PB1 seemed impressed at his own status and wore his logo'd  football club polyester with apparent pride.   Polyester Boy 2 (PB2) then introduced himself. He was a Personal Trainer locally. At least, that's what Gym Ninja THINKS he said? His accent was so guttural she may have misinterpreted him clearing out a build up of phlegm? His physique certainly didn't indicate he was a PT, but hey, it takes all sorts eh?   Then it was Gym Ninja's turn. She introduced herself as a Personal Trainer, and was then interrupted by the tutor who explained to The Polyester Boys that GN was a graduate and 'One of the best Personal Trainers we saw'.


Gym Ninja glowed with pride at this comment, secretly taking it to be a coded message and in fact meaning that she was in fact THE BEST PT they'd ever had,  and smiled at the Polyester Boys and tutor. The Polyester Boys, noticing that Gym Ninja had made eye contact with them, quickly looked at the surface of the desk.  Great.

And so the course began. The first lecture was Physiological Pathways behind Optimal Energy and was basically a bit of a chemistry lesson covering such conversational gems as Glycolysis, Kreb's Cycle, Oxidative Phosphorylation, Amino Acid Breakdown, Beta Oxidation and the ATP-PC system.  This was where Gym Ninja and the Polyester Boys learned that Lactic Acid is our friend and trying to help us prevent extreme acidosis.  Aww, Lactic Acid you sweetie you!

Following a break where Gym Ninja & The Polyester Boys parted company in total silence, the group returned for the next lecture before lunch: Nutrient Needs For Maximal Performance'. In a nut shell this involved a structured lecture of proposed macronutrient percentages, with a disclaimer saying that it actually does vary from individual to individual.  This threw up such informative gems as:

Females are better adapted at using fat as fuel than men.


Runners on a low fat diet will reduce their performance & are better on a medium to high fat diet.


Carb loading over 4 days (60-75% carbs) before exercise only saw any discernible benefit in performance at over 85% of VO2 Max in men, and ABSOLUTELY ZERO benefit in women, thus leading them to the statement that Carb Loading is a waste of time. 

Wow. That last fact was actually extremely interesting! No more binges whilst pretending you are carb-loading people!  Another myth blown out of the water is that there is a particular ideal one macronutrient (such as carbs only or protein only) pre-workout meal to have? In fact studies show that all 3 macronutrients in ideally a 40:40:20 ratio (with protein being 20%) is the best option.

Then the lecture moved on to specific macronutrients, and all too soon protein was brought up. PB1 interjected with a question. He asked the tutor about pre-football protein ingestion, as according to a rep from CNP who came to chat with him and the team, it was beneficial if they all down  6 of the test-tube style protein shots EACH prior to a game.

Gym Ninja looked at PB1. Do not say it Gym Ninja. Do not point it out. PB1 has obviously lived with his naivety for years, so why ruin it now?

"Er, do you think maybe he was saying that as he is a sales rep & trying to get you to buy the product?"

AHHHR! Gym Ninja said it! PB1 turned to look at Gym Ninja, remembered she was a GIRL, quickly looked away and then nodded, the slow dawning realisation creeping over him. Yep. That'd be it. It was a sales pitch.

Meanwhile PB2 was casting sneaky sideways glances over at Gym Ninja. Gym Ninja turned to look back at him, only to see his head snap back in the opposite direction. This, ladies and gentlemen, was to happen CONTINUALLY for the duration of the day.

So, ending with the 'bomb shell' (hardly) that protein intake accounts for 12% of energy production, the intrepid three were allowed 45 minutes break for lunch. The three left the room in complete silence. JEEEZ it was like being in a library. If it hadn't have been for the rustle of polyester then Gym Ninja would have assumed she had gone deaf......


Gym Ninja left the building and headed out to track down some sushi. But what was this? Gym Ninja had stumbled upon some sort of Sheepdog Trial surely from the sound of the GODDAM WHISTLES that were being heard? Why? WHY whistle? Here's the question. What if Gym Ninja RESPONDED to your whistle? What if Gym Ninja stopped, turned around, smiled at you for whistling and the RAN AFTER YOU? Seriously, why???????
Pfft!

After lunch Gym Ninja returned to the classroom. The Polyester Boys were already seated and chatting quietly. As Gym Ninja walked into the room, the PBs stopped talking, looked at the desk and went quiet.

Great.

Once the tutor returned, the afternoon lectures on Legal Performance Aids (Sports Supplements) began. Now this was of real interest to Gym Ninja, and so the group learned about the differing types of whey protein manufacture and how ion exchange whey differs from Hydrolyzed Whey, how the manufacturers disguise the addition of MSG and 'other stories'.  At this point, Gym Ninja began to ask questions, such as the benefits of cold pressed whey. The two Polyester Boys looked alarmed. The GIRL was asking a question about protein! Then, when there  followed a conversation about brands, (and when the tutor asked if anyone took any protein supplements), the Polyester Boys virtually self-combusted when Gym Ninja said that she favoured the Maximuscle range.  The tutor seemed interested. He too liked the range but had favoured PhD. The Polyester Boys sat in silence (no surprise there then) as Gym Ninja and the tutor chatted about how marvelous Cyclone was, and flavours of protein (choc mint being the best).

Very soon the group moved on to Casein protein. This is a slower released protein that whey and is ideal for before bed as it almost drip-feeds protein into you.

"CNP do a Protein Pudding thats a mix of whey and casein" Said Gym Ninja when the tutor asked if anyone knew of any brands that offered casein. PB1 nearly collapsed on the table at this point.

Then, as the discussions progressed, the group covered Creatine supplementation (and how it is named from the Greek word KREAS That means flesh), and energy drinks and their benefits/pitfalls.  Gym Ninja also learned that Taurine had originally been discovered in 1827 in Ox Bile. Mmmmm, Ox bile! This is why Red Bull (containing Taurine) is so named apparently. A throwback private joke reference to the old Ox Bile.

By the end of the course, it came to the section whereby the tutor asked if anyone had any questions? The Polyester Boys looked at the desk. Well, to be truthful PB2 switched between surreptitious sideways glances at Gym Ninja (yep, Gym Ninja was STILL a girl PB2) and his desk. All in total silence. Hmm, maybe he DID have a build up of phlegm after all? Causing muteness? So Gym Ninja asked the tutor about BCAA supplementation before/during/after a workout, and also about supplementation with ZMA (a bit pointless apparently as calcium blocks the uptake of ZMA so you'd have to go without any calcium in order to benefit according to the tutor).  The Polyester Boys at this point were SO startled that smoke started to come out from their shell suits. Uh oh! Self combustion of man-made fabrics due to incredulity induced  'hot under the collar-itis'. Poor boys!!!!! Gym Ninja had better shut up.

The course wrapped up and off Gym Ninja went, out of the silence of the Polyester Clad World of the classroom and into the outdoor world of  natural fabrics and conversational chatter. Dear GOD, please let there be men of more conversational skills on the next course? PLEASE!!!!!!!!!

Gym Ninja x