Aha! You thought Gym Ninja would forget to blog again eh? Nope! Back on track!
Today was an odd day in Ninja land. Gym Ninja, despite attempting to build up her PT empire, kind of figured she needed to be practical and perhaps get some sort of regular income in the interim period, which meant attending interviews for sales reps jobs. *yawn*
Gym Ninja needs to do this so that she can afford the mortgage payments on the very door she needs to keep the wolf away from!
So Tuesday Gym Ninja attended the second (and final) stage of an interview for a sales job selling Negative Pressure Wound Care to hospitals. Yay-staring at rotting ulcerated body parts all day. Joy! The interview went well & the guy seemed very interested in GN and said she would definitely be hearing from him.....and then Wednesday passed and no call........................and then today, late afternoon, the call came and the man from Ulcerated Body Parts said...NO!
Fanbloodytastic! Back to Plan D, E and F then to raise funds whilst building the PT Empire!!!!!
So Gym Ninja headed to the gym to work through the annoyance. The journey was a tad hairy due to the fact that Gym Ninja had managed to lose her sunglasses earlier that day and the sun was burning a hole in her retinas as she drove.
This is the 2nd pair of sunglasses Gym Ninja has lost this month. This is why her 'ceiling amount' for new replacement sunglasses is now £4. Gym Ninja cannot afford 2-3 pairs a month!
Now a few days before Gym Ninja had replaced her padlock for a new one. The very same day she'd roadtested the new padlock she had managed to LOSE The key in the final 3 minutes of the gym session. Seriously! This in turn meant GN had to do the walk of shame that involved leading a staff member wielding large bolt cutters, to her locker and having the new 1 day old lock cut off! So today, Gym Ninja needed a new lock. They sell them at the gym...
Gym Ninja was given a lock and a pink rubber band. Apparently the pink band was to keep her key on. Shame she never had one the other day eh? But then hang on....after accepting the band Gym Ninja then noticed the price for the lock had an additional £1 added to it...
£1 for a bloody pink rubber band!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
What is Gym Ninja? A pigeon?
Stomping off to the changing rooms, Gym Ninja got dressed and prepared for her intense workout. Heart Rate monitor band went on....but oh.
Great!
Stupid Gym Ninja had forgotten to put her Heart Rate Monitor watch in her bag after yesterdays outdoor run. Time to remove the strap and use the 'train until you fall over or vomit' scale of intensity then.
After caning it on the treadmill mixing up fartlek intervals of speed, hills etc, Gym Ninja slid off the treadmill 55 minutes later (what can GN say? She was stressed & needed the burn!) and went to sponge herself down in the changing rooms & to also grab some resistance bands to add to her planned leg workout.
As Gym Ninja walked across the changing room floor, she nearly fell over a woman walking soooooooo slowly she almost walked backwards. Gym Ninja looked at the womans feet, half expecting her to be on casters she was gliding at such a smooth slow rate. Nope. No wheels. Just flip flops and the woman was gliding towards the door that led to the gym floor. Flip flops? Around weights? REALLY????? That woman sure looked as if she was in some sort of voodoo trace-she barely registered being alive. How can anyone be that calm? Gym Ninaj watched as Voodoo Woman glided through the door and out into the hustle and bustle of the gym.
Anyhow, back to the resistance band quest..
But no....as Gym Ninja rounded a corner a woman came running towards Gym Ninja...
"HAVE YOU SEEN A CLEANER?" She yelled, terror in her eyes.
Er... no.
The woman ran off.
Gym Ninja was tempted to go see why the woman needed a cleaner with such urgency and yet something told her that maybe it'd not be a wise move? Maybe a stray poo bomb from a small child had exploded somewhere near the sauna?
Anyhow...resistance band.........that's what GN had come in for.
Er.....where was the resistance band? The purple one? AHHHR! Gym Ninja had LOST the bloody thing. What IS it lately with losing things? Gym Ninja would have to make do with the puny green resistance band and her jump rope. Grabbing her stuff she went to plug herself into her iPhone. Bad Boy music was necessary today in the form of red Hot Chilli Peppers BloodSugarSexMagik!
Er......WTF?
HOW had Gym Ninja managed to lose her headphones? She'd had them when she was running a moment ago and now poof? Gone?
Back to the treadmill went GN, and then had the embarrassing task of leaning behind the guy who had replaced her on the treadmill, frightening the life out of him as she dipped her hand into the storage area of the treadmill, where luckily she found her lost headphones.
Leg time! again! YAY! Interspersed with bouts of jump rope to really kill off any fear of the future in Gym Ninja's brain. Nothing like absolute death by exercise to help delay nagging fears in the mind you know.
Stretching out, Gym Ninja peeked down at the Hydropool.
It was full of Buddhas.
OK.
Meditation Day at the Hydropool perchance?
Gym Ninja decided that she did not want to 'relax; in a pool of frothing Buddhas. It would feel a bit like being on a wildlife TV show amongst hippos. Perhaps today was not the best day for it, especially as so far Gym Ninja had managed to lose a job offer, sunglasses, headphones & a resistance band. What if her bikini top were to follow? Also....was that Voodoo Woman sitting in the Hydropool in her voodoo trance??????
Okey dokey, back again tomorrow people. Chop chop!
Gym Ninja x
Showing posts with label Poo Bombs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Poo Bombs. Show all posts
Friday, 9 July 2010
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Twice in one Day
Gym Ninja survived The Race For Life! Just in case you all though she hadn't due to the lack of blogging (yet again!). The day began on the train where Gym Ninja got kitted out in her 'team' outfit of fairy wings, tiara and pink tutu. The run was fun..only 5k and barely a run/jog/walk/gab thanks to the continual bottlenecks of women throughout the course. But £300 was raised (yes £200 short of target but it all counts eh?) and Gym Ninja felt virtuous...
SO virtuous in fact that, later that afternoon, she decided to......go to the gym! Yep. Two workouts in a day. This second one was 'sans fairy wings' of course. Once at the gym another 5k was run, this time on the treadmill and without 4000 women in pink getting under her feet. Leg work swiftly followed. Plenty of multi-directional lunges in a part of the gym that appeared to have abandoned all hope of ever getting the aircon to work. Cute! But really, having felt SO virtuous for doing a charity run AND a second workout, all Gym Ninja could focus on was her new 'craze' the Hydropool as her reward. Throughout the leg work, Gym Ninja closely monitored the Hydropool for signs of excessive hairiness, dodgy swingers or other odd looking people. Considering it was the weekend, the Hydropool appeared remarkably quiet.
After the workout ended, abs were done, stretches complete and Promax protein shake quaffed, Gym Ninja changed into her military themed camouflage bikini and walked through the changing area towards the magic door that led to the pool side. As Gym Ninja passe the toilets, she could hear a mother and child inside a cubicle. As seems to be compulsory with any child under 3 in a gym environment, the child inside the cubicle was wailing loudly....
"Ahhhhhhhhr!!!!' The child screamed
"Ahhhhhr! I don't LIKE poo, I like Wee! AHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
Oh dear God. Really? Too much information small child thank you very much.
"Look, you have to do it ok?" Answered the mother.
"But I don't want to poo. I want to wee" continued the child at the top of his voice.
"Are you sure?' Questioned the mother nervously? "Don't be doing it in the pool now will you?"
See? This is one of MANY reasons why Gym Ninja will not take up swimming. Sneaky child poo bombs in the water. Yuk!
Anyway, Gym Ninja was by the Magic Door now so through it she went and walked towards the Hydropool. It only had 2 other people in it and yet those people had switched the jets up high, so the pool was like a rabid dog, all foamy and bubbly. At least Gym Ninja HOPED the foaming bubbles were caused by the jets...? Gym Ninja waded in very carefully, clinging to the side of the pool and made her way to her usual spot, being careful to dodge the tickle jet that often catches the sole of Gym Ninja's foot, launching her up a few meters into the air.....
A man waded towards the Cooker Hood device and cranked it up so that a torrent of water blasted out of it and splattered all over his back....Great! Spray-back! Huge fat droplets of water that were rebounding off the man's back, complete with skin cells were now splatting into Gym Ninja's face. EWWWWWWWWWWWW! Yet Gym Ninja had nowhere to go! Nowhere! The force of that jet hitting that man meant that if Gym Ninja tried to squeeze past between him and the force of the water, then it was quite possible that she may get blasted with his hair that had been ripped from the follicles of his skin! Gym Ninja recalled the stories she had heard in the past about how hairdressers often get ingrown hairs from customers growing out of their arms etc...Gym Ninja did NOT want to risk having a snowy white man hair growing from her elbow no thank you!!!!!!! Yuk! Again, this was not turning into a relaxing post-workout ritual that was expected.
The moment the cooker hood jet stopped, Gym Ninja exited the pool. Go go go! Time to shower off the other person's skin cells. Heading down the bank of shower cubicles, all the usual ones GN used (the ones that had a smidgen of light thanks to the poor lighting placement above them) were taken. This left a bank of showers all labelled with the following....
Oh great. Gym Ninja was about to be boiled to death. However at least it would kill off the other guy's skin cells no? Gym Ninja picked a Death Shower Cubicle. Remember everyone, these showers use the old fashioned (aka tight as f*ck) method of controlling water flow. There is one button to the shower that you press repeatedly to get water of one pre-determined temperature. Constant button pressing is necessary if constant water is needed. Gym Ninja gingerly leaned towards the push button....best just push it once so the water streams out briefly so that she can determine exactly what temperature 'HOTTER THAN NORMAL' is nowadays.
Would it be:
Centre of a bowl of microwaved porridge hot?
Arm stuck down the side of a radiator in winter hot?
Centre of the Sun hot?
*press*
With an almighty blast worthy of Ron Jeremy the Porn Star (unheard of in these showers which usually whimper and spit a small trickle of water at you) the one single press that Gym Ninja did unleashed a torrent of continual forceful water....................ICE COLD water!
Whaaaaaaat?
That was it! Sweaty un-airconditioned gym session + vocal poo/wee child + splattered skin cells + ice cold shower = NOT a relaxing workout!
With that, Gym Ninja quickly finished up, dried herself down, got dressed and ran out of the gym.
See you all back here tomorrow!!!!
Gym Ninja x
SO virtuous in fact that, later that afternoon, she decided to......go to the gym! Yep. Two workouts in a day. This second one was 'sans fairy wings' of course. Once at the gym another 5k was run, this time on the treadmill and without 4000 women in pink getting under her feet. Leg work swiftly followed. Plenty of multi-directional lunges in a part of the gym that appeared to have abandoned all hope of ever getting the aircon to work. Cute! But really, having felt SO virtuous for doing a charity run AND a second workout, all Gym Ninja could focus on was her new 'craze' the Hydropool as her reward. Throughout the leg work, Gym Ninja closely monitored the Hydropool for signs of excessive hairiness, dodgy swingers or other odd looking people. Considering it was the weekend, the Hydropool appeared remarkably quiet.
After the workout ended, abs were done, stretches complete and Promax protein shake quaffed, Gym Ninja changed into her military themed camouflage bikini and walked through the changing area towards the magic door that led to the pool side. As Gym Ninja passe the toilets, she could hear a mother and child inside a cubicle. As seems to be compulsory with any child under 3 in a gym environment, the child inside the cubicle was wailing loudly....
"Ahhhhhhhhr!!!!' The child screamed
"Ahhhhhr! I don't LIKE poo, I like Wee! AHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
Oh dear God. Really? Too much information small child thank you very much.
"Look, you have to do it ok?" Answered the mother.
"But I don't want to poo. I want to wee" continued the child at the top of his voice.
"Are you sure?' Questioned the mother nervously? "Don't be doing it in the pool now will you?"
See? This is one of MANY reasons why Gym Ninja will not take up swimming. Sneaky child poo bombs in the water. Yuk!
Anyway, Gym Ninja was by the Magic Door now so through it she went and walked towards the Hydropool. It only had 2 other people in it and yet those people had switched the jets up high, so the pool was like a rabid dog, all foamy and bubbly. At least Gym Ninja HOPED the foaming bubbles were caused by the jets...? Gym Ninja waded in very carefully, clinging to the side of the pool and made her way to her usual spot, being careful to dodge the tickle jet that often catches the sole of Gym Ninja's foot, launching her up a few meters into the air.....
A man waded towards the Cooker Hood device and cranked it up so that a torrent of water blasted out of it and splattered all over his back....Great! Spray-back! Huge fat droplets of water that were rebounding off the man's back, complete with skin cells were now splatting into Gym Ninja's face. EWWWWWWWWWWWW! Yet Gym Ninja had nowhere to go! Nowhere! The force of that jet hitting that man meant that if Gym Ninja tried to squeeze past between him and the force of the water, then it was quite possible that she may get blasted with his hair that had been ripped from the follicles of his skin! Gym Ninja recalled the stories she had heard in the past about how hairdressers often get ingrown hairs from customers growing out of their arms etc...Gym Ninja did NOT want to risk having a snowy white man hair growing from her elbow no thank you!!!!!!! Yuk! Again, this was not turning into a relaxing post-workout ritual that was expected.
The moment the cooker hood jet stopped, Gym Ninja exited the pool. Go go go! Time to shower off the other person's skin cells. Heading down the bank of shower cubicles, all the usual ones GN used (the ones that had a smidgen of light thanks to the poor lighting placement above them) were taken. This left a bank of showers all labelled with the following....
"WARNING! THIS SHOWER IS HOTTER THAN NORMAL"
Oh great. Gym Ninja was about to be boiled to death. However at least it would kill off the other guy's skin cells no? Gym Ninja picked a Death Shower Cubicle. Remember everyone, these showers use the old fashioned (aka tight as f*ck) method of controlling water flow. There is one button to the shower that you press repeatedly to get water of one pre-determined temperature. Constant button pressing is necessary if constant water is needed. Gym Ninja gingerly leaned towards the push button....best just push it once so the water streams out briefly so that she can determine exactly what temperature 'HOTTER THAN NORMAL' is nowadays.
Would it be:
Centre of a bowl of microwaved porridge hot?
Arm stuck down the side of a radiator in winter hot?
Centre of the Sun hot?
*press*
With an almighty blast worthy of Ron Jeremy the Porn Star (unheard of in these showers which usually whimper and spit a small trickle of water at you) the one single press that Gym Ninja did unleashed a torrent of continual forceful water....................ICE COLD water!
Whaaaaaaat?
That was it! Sweaty un-airconditioned gym session + vocal poo/wee child + splattered skin cells + ice cold shower = NOT a relaxing workout!
With that, Gym Ninja quickly finished up, dried herself down, got dressed and ran out of the gym.
See you all back here tomorrow!!!!
Gym Ninja x
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