Hello sweet little Ninjarettes and welcome back again. gym Ninja is surprised to see you after the previous' Open Ninja' post, as even she was bored by typing it! Bless you all.
Yep, Gym Ninja is known for her clumsy ways. Even Gym Ninja's cats are aware of this clumsiness. This is possibly due to the fact they are often on the receiving end of it. Imagine if you will the size of a tiny cat paw on the floor. It barely overhangs their little legs in terms of how far it protrudes no? Yet how is it that Gym Ninja manages to step on the paw so often (by accident of course)?
Off Gym Ninja went to the gym. Now recently Gym Ninja's gym bag had broken a zip or two. They'd just kind of 'burst' of their own accord, which meant that occasionally mid traipse across the car park or changing rooms, Gym Ninja's BCAA supplements would make a leap for freedom diving to the floor and making GN appear to be some sort of druggie. Then of course there was the regular 'Crap! I spilled my protein powder all over the vanity area' clumsiness that further backed up the regular opinion that Gym Ninja was indeed some sort of junkie and was perhaps wanting to do a few lines post workout....?
Today, the Clumsies were bad though.Once Gym Ninja was warmed up, she'd headed to the treadmill to begin an interval session. Within 3 minutes she felt a ping.
Oh no.
Nothing worse than feeling something ping when running. Nooooooooooo!
But fear not Ninjarettes, it wasn't a tendon or muscle. Oh no. It was the strap of Gym Ninja's Sports Bra. Having finally given up on the heavy duty task assigned to it, the strap had decided enough was enough and it just unpinged itself and started flailing around. What to do???? Gym Ninja could not possibly continue to run whilst incorrectly restrained. Gym Ninja does NOT wish to suffer from 'Blind Snoopy Syndrome'... (Gym Ninja will wait until all you innocents go and ask someone more worldy as to what a Blind Snoopy is, assuming you cannot guess?). There was no other thing for it. Gym Ninja would have to abort the run, try & fix up the suicidal sports bra and continue a lower-impact workout. Pfft!
Once the Sports Bra was temporarily repaired, Gym Ninja exited the changing rooms via the spiral staircase. Now protocol is that when about to use the spiral staircase from either below or above, one should scan the area. If another person is already ON the staircase, then the polite and sensible thing to do is to wait until they have ascended/descended & then begin your own trip. Gym Ninja did all the rudimentary checks. Scanning upwards, the stairway was clear. Gym Ninja began her ascent of the spiral staircase into the gym..
Half way up the staircase, it began to shake. No, it was not another sports bra snapping, but instead the lead-shod feet of a woman who had apparently not received the unspoken rule of spiral staircase etiquette and had begun her heavy-footed descent towards Gym Ninja.
PANIC!
This was a SPIRAL STAIRCASE for God's sake. Was Elephant Feet suicidal in her mission?
Apparently not.
Elephant Feet was instead a big staircase bully and immediately took the wide side, forcing Gym Ninja to take the risky narrow tippy-toe side that for some reason has NO handrail. Why no handrail on the most dangerous side of the spiral staircase? Was this a form of Survival of The Fittest? Only the thickos take the narrow side and therefore plunge to their death, thus weeding out the thickos and leaving a more sensible gene pool? Well Gym Ninja was far from a thicko yet had two options. Take the tippy-toe side or be trampled under the rather well-upholstered woman that was Elephant Feet. It was a close call. Gym Ninja felt her right foot slip into the chasm as Elephant Feet thundered past, yet quickly regained her balance and made it safely, albeit shaken, to the top.
As if in some way to make up for this trauma, The Gym Gods were now smiling down upon Gym Ninja and to her left she was offered the vision of a super-fit man performing burpees. A rare sight indeed in Gym Ninja's gym. A fit man, let alone someone doing an exercise that involved a bit of effort. Now Gym Gods, if you would just sort it that Burpee Boy's clothes fall off then Gym Ninja will be eternally grateful.....
But no.
The Gym Gods are fickle in their nature. They decided that having widened Gym Ninja's pupils with the delightful sight of Burpee Boy, they would then burn off the retinas by offering up a view of today's Hydropool. Gym Ninja is in the habit of looking down through the window to view the pool in order to help her decide whether to partake in a bit of communal bubbling? So it was without much thought that Gym Ninja cast her gaze towards the pool area.
Sweet Mary mother of Jesus! In the Hydropool was one of the world's greatest mysteries.
Big Foot!
Big Foot was there, in the Hydrpool, bubbling away, his fur all soggy and splaying out somewhat as the water foamed around him. Next to him was a naked pudgy man with his nose underlined. Or, as some may prefer to call it, 'a moustache'.
Opposite Big Foot and Pudgy were three teenage boys of about 15 or 16 years old. All gangly and hunched forwards, their hair cut to look like velcro. Gym Ninja was a bit concerned that should they hunch towards each other any more that their velcro hairstyles would lock together causing a Hydropool calamity!
HOW on EARTH was Gym Ninja supposed to don a bikini and step into that foamy selection of oddballs? No, no no, this would NEVER do. What if Gym Ninja's Twins were hellbent on making a dash for freedom and not content in the failed Sports Bra Suicide mission, instead chose to burst forth in the Hydropool? One of Big Foot's yeti hairs may slap itself onto Gym Nina's exposed flesh, and the commotion may cause all three of the Velcro Boys to curl so far forwards to see naked Ninja that they'd forever be in a headlock with each other? Not only that, but Gym Ninja could now see a woman with what appeared to be a Mexican Wave ripple effect under her swimming costume now lowering herself into the water. Really Gym Gods, is there any need for such a selection in one pool?
Gym Ninja instead decided to make do with her weight session, and despite a few clumsy yet now typical incidents, (such as walking into a barbell, slipping on an abandoned mat and banging her head on a wayward cable attachment) left the gym without the Hydropool Experience....
Gym Ninja x
Showing posts with label Hydropool. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hydropool. Show all posts
Saturday, 4 September 2010
Friday, 9 July 2010
Losing it!
Aha! You thought Gym Ninja would forget to blog again eh? Nope! Back on track!
Today was an odd day in Ninja land. Gym Ninja, despite attempting to build up her PT empire, kind of figured she needed to be practical and perhaps get some sort of regular income in the interim period, which meant attending interviews for sales reps jobs. *yawn*
Gym Ninja needs to do this so that she can afford the mortgage payments on the very door she needs to keep the wolf away from!
So Tuesday Gym Ninja attended the second (and final) stage of an interview for a sales job selling Negative Pressure Wound Care to hospitals. Yay-staring at rotting ulcerated body parts all day. Joy! The interview went well & the guy seemed very interested in GN and said she would definitely be hearing from him.....and then Wednesday passed and no call........................and then today, late afternoon, the call came and the man from Ulcerated Body Parts said...NO!
Fanbloodytastic! Back to Plan D, E and F then to raise funds whilst building the PT Empire!!!!!
So Gym Ninja headed to the gym to work through the annoyance. The journey was a tad hairy due to the fact that Gym Ninja had managed to lose her sunglasses earlier that day and the sun was burning a hole in her retinas as she drove.
This is the 2nd pair of sunglasses Gym Ninja has lost this month. This is why her 'ceiling amount' for new replacement sunglasses is now £4. Gym Ninja cannot afford 2-3 pairs a month!
Now a few days before Gym Ninja had replaced her padlock for a new one. The very same day she'd roadtested the new padlock she had managed to LOSE The key in the final 3 minutes of the gym session. Seriously! This in turn meant GN had to do the walk of shame that involved leading a staff member wielding large bolt cutters, to her locker and having the new 1 day old lock cut off! So today, Gym Ninja needed a new lock. They sell them at the gym...
Gym Ninja was given a lock and a pink rubber band. Apparently the pink band was to keep her key on. Shame she never had one the other day eh? But then hang on....after accepting the band Gym Ninja then noticed the price for the lock had an additional £1 added to it...
£1 for a bloody pink rubber band!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
What is Gym Ninja? A pigeon?
Stomping off to the changing rooms, Gym Ninja got dressed and prepared for her intense workout. Heart Rate monitor band went on....but oh.
Great!
Stupid Gym Ninja had forgotten to put her Heart Rate Monitor watch in her bag after yesterdays outdoor run. Time to remove the strap and use the 'train until you fall over or vomit' scale of intensity then.
After caning it on the treadmill mixing up fartlek intervals of speed, hills etc, Gym Ninja slid off the treadmill 55 minutes later (what can GN say? She was stressed & needed the burn!) and went to sponge herself down in the changing rooms & to also grab some resistance bands to add to her planned leg workout.
As Gym Ninja walked across the changing room floor, she nearly fell over a woman walking soooooooo slowly she almost walked backwards. Gym Ninja looked at the womans feet, half expecting her to be on casters she was gliding at such a smooth slow rate. Nope. No wheels. Just flip flops and the woman was gliding towards the door that led to the gym floor. Flip flops? Around weights? REALLY????? That woman sure looked as if she was in some sort of voodoo trace-she barely registered being alive. How can anyone be that calm? Gym Ninaj watched as Voodoo Woman glided through the door and out into the hustle and bustle of the gym.
Anyhow, back to the resistance band quest..
But no....as Gym Ninja rounded a corner a woman came running towards Gym Ninja...
"HAVE YOU SEEN A CLEANER?" She yelled, terror in her eyes.
Er... no.
The woman ran off.
Gym Ninja was tempted to go see why the woman needed a cleaner with such urgency and yet something told her that maybe it'd not be a wise move? Maybe a stray poo bomb from a small child had exploded somewhere near the sauna?
Anyhow...resistance band.........that's what GN had come in for.
Er.....where was the resistance band? The purple one? AHHHR! Gym Ninja had LOST the bloody thing. What IS it lately with losing things? Gym Ninja would have to make do with the puny green resistance band and her jump rope. Grabbing her stuff she went to plug herself into her iPhone. Bad Boy music was necessary today in the form of red Hot Chilli Peppers BloodSugarSexMagik!
Er......WTF?
HOW had Gym Ninja managed to lose her headphones? She'd had them when she was running a moment ago and now poof? Gone?
Back to the treadmill went GN, and then had the embarrassing task of leaning behind the guy who had replaced her on the treadmill, frightening the life out of him as she dipped her hand into the storage area of the treadmill, where luckily she found her lost headphones.
Leg time! again! YAY! Interspersed with bouts of jump rope to really kill off any fear of the future in Gym Ninja's brain. Nothing like absolute death by exercise to help delay nagging fears in the mind you know.
Stretching out, Gym Ninja peeked down at the Hydropool.
It was full of Buddhas.
OK.
Meditation Day at the Hydropool perchance?
Gym Ninja decided that she did not want to 'relax; in a pool of frothing Buddhas. It would feel a bit like being on a wildlife TV show amongst hippos. Perhaps today was not the best day for it, especially as so far Gym Ninja had managed to lose a job offer, sunglasses, headphones & a resistance band. What if her bikini top were to follow? Also....was that Voodoo Woman sitting in the Hydropool in her voodoo trance??????
Okey dokey, back again tomorrow people. Chop chop!
Gym Ninja x
Today was an odd day in Ninja land. Gym Ninja, despite attempting to build up her PT empire, kind of figured she needed to be practical and perhaps get some sort of regular income in the interim period, which meant attending interviews for sales reps jobs. *yawn*
Gym Ninja needs to do this so that she can afford the mortgage payments on the very door she needs to keep the wolf away from!
So Tuesday Gym Ninja attended the second (and final) stage of an interview for a sales job selling Negative Pressure Wound Care to hospitals. Yay-staring at rotting ulcerated body parts all day. Joy! The interview went well & the guy seemed very interested in GN and said she would definitely be hearing from him.....and then Wednesday passed and no call........................and then today, late afternoon, the call came and the man from Ulcerated Body Parts said...NO!
Fanbloodytastic! Back to Plan D, E and F then to raise funds whilst building the PT Empire!!!!!
So Gym Ninja headed to the gym to work through the annoyance. The journey was a tad hairy due to the fact that Gym Ninja had managed to lose her sunglasses earlier that day and the sun was burning a hole in her retinas as she drove.
This is the 2nd pair of sunglasses Gym Ninja has lost this month. This is why her 'ceiling amount' for new replacement sunglasses is now £4. Gym Ninja cannot afford 2-3 pairs a month!
Now a few days before Gym Ninja had replaced her padlock for a new one. The very same day she'd roadtested the new padlock she had managed to LOSE The key in the final 3 minutes of the gym session. Seriously! This in turn meant GN had to do the walk of shame that involved leading a staff member wielding large bolt cutters, to her locker and having the new 1 day old lock cut off! So today, Gym Ninja needed a new lock. They sell them at the gym...
Gym Ninja was given a lock and a pink rubber band. Apparently the pink band was to keep her key on. Shame she never had one the other day eh? But then hang on....after accepting the band Gym Ninja then noticed the price for the lock had an additional £1 added to it...
£1 for a bloody pink rubber band!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
What is Gym Ninja? A pigeon?
Stomping off to the changing rooms, Gym Ninja got dressed and prepared for her intense workout. Heart Rate monitor band went on....but oh.
Great!
Stupid Gym Ninja had forgotten to put her Heart Rate Monitor watch in her bag after yesterdays outdoor run. Time to remove the strap and use the 'train until you fall over or vomit' scale of intensity then.
After caning it on the treadmill mixing up fartlek intervals of speed, hills etc, Gym Ninja slid off the treadmill 55 minutes later (what can GN say? She was stressed & needed the burn!) and went to sponge herself down in the changing rooms & to also grab some resistance bands to add to her planned leg workout.
As Gym Ninja walked across the changing room floor, she nearly fell over a woman walking soooooooo slowly she almost walked backwards. Gym Ninja looked at the womans feet, half expecting her to be on casters she was gliding at such a smooth slow rate. Nope. No wheels. Just flip flops and the woman was gliding towards the door that led to the gym floor. Flip flops? Around weights? REALLY????? That woman sure looked as if she was in some sort of voodoo trace-she barely registered being alive. How can anyone be that calm? Gym Ninaj watched as Voodoo Woman glided through the door and out into the hustle and bustle of the gym.
Anyhow, back to the resistance band quest..
But no....as Gym Ninja rounded a corner a woman came running towards Gym Ninja...
"HAVE YOU SEEN A CLEANER?" She yelled, terror in her eyes.
Er... no.
The woman ran off.
Gym Ninja was tempted to go see why the woman needed a cleaner with such urgency and yet something told her that maybe it'd not be a wise move? Maybe a stray poo bomb from a small child had exploded somewhere near the sauna?
Anyhow...resistance band.........that's what GN had come in for.
Er.....where was the resistance band? The purple one? AHHHR! Gym Ninja had LOST the bloody thing. What IS it lately with losing things? Gym Ninja would have to make do with the puny green resistance band and her jump rope. Grabbing her stuff she went to plug herself into her iPhone. Bad Boy music was necessary today in the form of red Hot Chilli Peppers BloodSugarSexMagik!
Er......WTF?
HOW had Gym Ninja managed to lose her headphones? She'd had them when she was running a moment ago and now poof? Gone?
Back to the treadmill went GN, and then had the embarrassing task of leaning behind the guy who had replaced her on the treadmill, frightening the life out of him as she dipped her hand into the storage area of the treadmill, where luckily she found her lost headphones.
Leg time! again! YAY! Interspersed with bouts of jump rope to really kill off any fear of the future in Gym Ninja's brain. Nothing like absolute death by exercise to help delay nagging fears in the mind you know.
Stretching out, Gym Ninja peeked down at the Hydropool.
It was full of Buddhas.
OK.
Meditation Day at the Hydropool perchance?
Gym Ninja decided that she did not want to 'relax; in a pool of frothing Buddhas. It would feel a bit like being on a wildlife TV show amongst hippos. Perhaps today was not the best day for it, especially as so far Gym Ninja had managed to lose a job offer, sunglasses, headphones & a resistance band. What if her bikini top were to follow? Also....was that Voodoo Woman sitting in the Hydropool in her voodoo trance??????
Okey dokey, back again tomorrow people. Chop chop!
Gym Ninja x
Wednesday, 7 July 2010
Twice in one Day
Gym Ninja survived The Race For Life! Just in case you all though she hadn't due to the lack of blogging (yet again!). The day began on the train where Gym Ninja got kitted out in her 'team' outfit of fairy wings, tiara and pink tutu. The run was fun..only 5k and barely a run/jog/walk/gab thanks to the continual bottlenecks of women throughout the course. But £300 was raised (yes £200 short of target but it all counts eh?) and Gym Ninja felt virtuous...
SO virtuous in fact that, later that afternoon, she decided to......go to the gym! Yep. Two workouts in a day. This second one was 'sans fairy wings' of course. Once at the gym another 5k was run, this time on the treadmill and without 4000 women in pink getting under her feet. Leg work swiftly followed. Plenty of multi-directional lunges in a part of the gym that appeared to have abandoned all hope of ever getting the aircon to work. Cute! But really, having felt SO virtuous for doing a charity run AND a second workout, all Gym Ninja could focus on was her new 'craze' the Hydropool as her reward. Throughout the leg work, Gym Ninja closely monitored the Hydropool for signs of excessive hairiness, dodgy swingers or other odd looking people. Considering it was the weekend, the Hydropool appeared remarkably quiet.
After the workout ended, abs were done, stretches complete and Promax protein shake quaffed, Gym Ninja changed into her military themed camouflage bikini and walked through the changing area towards the magic door that led to the pool side. As Gym Ninja passe the toilets, she could hear a mother and child inside a cubicle. As seems to be compulsory with any child under 3 in a gym environment, the child inside the cubicle was wailing loudly....
"Ahhhhhhhhr!!!!' The child screamed
"Ahhhhhr! I don't LIKE poo, I like Wee! AHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
Oh dear God. Really? Too much information small child thank you very much.
"Look, you have to do it ok?" Answered the mother.
"But I don't want to poo. I want to wee" continued the child at the top of his voice.
"Are you sure?' Questioned the mother nervously? "Don't be doing it in the pool now will you?"
See? This is one of MANY reasons why Gym Ninja will not take up swimming. Sneaky child poo bombs in the water. Yuk!
Anyway, Gym Ninja was by the Magic Door now so through it she went and walked towards the Hydropool. It only had 2 other people in it and yet those people had switched the jets up high, so the pool was like a rabid dog, all foamy and bubbly. At least Gym Ninja HOPED the foaming bubbles were caused by the jets...? Gym Ninja waded in very carefully, clinging to the side of the pool and made her way to her usual spot, being careful to dodge the tickle jet that often catches the sole of Gym Ninja's foot, launching her up a few meters into the air.....
A man waded towards the Cooker Hood device and cranked it up so that a torrent of water blasted out of it and splattered all over his back....Great! Spray-back! Huge fat droplets of water that were rebounding off the man's back, complete with skin cells were now splatting into Gym Ninja's face. EWWWWWWWWWWWW! Yet Gym Ninja had nowhere to go! Nowhere! The force of that jet hitting that man meant that if Gym Ninja tried to squeeze past between him and the force of the water, then it was quite possible that she may get blasted with his hair that had been ripped from the follicles of his skin! Gym Ninja recalled the stories she had heard in the past about how hairdressers often get ingrown hairs from customers growing out of their arms etc...Gym Ninja did NOT want to risk having a snowy white man hair growing from her elbow no thank you!!!!!!! Yuk! Again, this was not turning into a relaxing post-workout ritual that was expected.
The moment the cooker hood jet stopped, Gym Ninja exited the pool. Go go go! Time to shower off the other person's skin cells. Heading down the bank of shower cubicles, all the usual ones GN used (the ones that had a smidgen of light thanks to the poor lighting placement above them) were taken. This left a bank of showers all labelled with the following....
Oh great. Gym Ninja was about to be boiled to death. However at least it would kill off the other guy's skin cells no? Gym Ninja picked a Death Shower Cubicle. Remember everyone, these showers use the old fashioned (aka tight as f*ck) method of controlling water flow. There is one button to the shower that you press repeatedly to get water of one pre-determined temperature. Constant button pressing is necessary if constant water is needed. Gym Ninja gingerly leaned towards the push button....best just push it once so the water streams out briefly so that she can determine exactly what temperature 'HOTTER THAN NORMAL' is nowadays.
Would it be:
Centre of a bowl of microwaved porridge hot?
Arm stuck down the side of a radiator in winter hot?
Centre of the Sun hot?
*press*
With an almighty blast worthy of Ron Jeremy the Porn Star (unheard of in these showers which usually whimper and spit a small trickle of water at you) the one single press that Gym Ninja did unleashed a torrent of continual forceful water....................ICE COLD water!
Whaaaaaaat?
That was it! Sweaty un-airconditioned gym session + vocal poo/wee child + splattered skin cells + ice cold shower = NOT a relaxing workout!
With that, Gym Ninja quickly finished up, dried herself down, got dressed and ran out of the gym.
See you all back here tomorrow!!!!
Gym Ninja x
SO virtuous in fact that, later that afternoon, she decided to......go to the gym! Yep. Two workouts in a day. This second one was 'sans fairy wings' of course. Once at the gym another 5k was run, this time on the treadmill and without 4000 women in pink getting under her feet. Leg work swiftly followed. Plenty of multi-directional lunges in a part of the gym that appeared to have abandoned all hope of ever getting the aircon to work. Cute! But really, having felt SO virtuous for doing a charity run AND a second workout, all Gym Ninja could focus on was her new 'craze' the Hydropool as her reward. Throughout the leg work, Gym Ninja closely monitored the Hydropool for signs of excessive hairiness, dodgy swingers or other odd looking people. Considering it was the weekend, the Hydropool appeared remarkably quiet.
After the workout ended, abs were done, stretches complete and Promax protein shake quaffed, Gym Ninja changed into her military themed camouflage bikini and walked through the changing area towards the magic door that led to the pool side. As Gym Ninja passe the toilets, she could hear a mother and child inside a cubicle. As seems to be compulsory with any child under 3 in a gym environment, the child inside the cubicle was wailing loudly....
"Ahhhhhhhhr!!!!' The child screamed
"Ahhhhhr! I don't LIKE poo, I like Wee! AHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR!"
Oh dear God. Really? Too much information small child thank you very much.
"Look, you have to do it ok?" Answered the mother.
"But I don't want to poo. I want to wee" continued the child at the top of his voice.
"Are you sure?' Questioned the mother nervously? "Don't be doing it in the pool now will you?"
See? This is one of MANY reasons why Gym Ninja will not take up swimming. Sneaky child poo bombs in the water. Yuk!
Anyway, Gym Ninja was by the Magic Door now so through it she went and walked towards the Hydropool. It only had 2 other people in it and yet those people had switched the jets up high, so the pool was like a rabid dog, all foamy and bubbly. At least Gym Ninja HOPED the foaming bubbles were caused by the jets...? Gym Ninja waded in very carefully, clinging to the side of the pool and made her way to her usual spot, being careful to dodge the tickle jet that often catches the sole of Gym Ninja's foot, launching her up a few meters into the air.....
A man waded towards the Cooker Hood device and cranked it up so that a torrent of water blasted out of it and splattered all over his back....Great! Spray-back! Huge fat droplets of water that were rebounding off the man's back, complete with skin cells were now splatting into Gym Ninja's face. EWWWWWWWWWWWW! Yet Gym Ninja had nowhere to go! Nowhere! The force of that jet hitting that man meant that if Gym Ninja tried to squeeze past between him and the force of the water, then it was quite possible that she may get blasted with his hair that had been ripped from the follicles of his skin! Gym Ninja recalled the stories she had heard in the past about how hairdressers often get ingrown hairs from customers growing out of their arms etc...Gym Ninja did NOT want to risk having a snowy white man hair growing from her elbow no thank you!!!!!!! Yuk! Again, this was not turning into a relaxing post-workout ritual that was expected.
The moment the cooker hood jet stopped, Gym Ninja exited the pool. Go go go! Time to shower off the other person's skin cells. Heading down the bank of shower cubicles, all the usual ones GN used (the ones that had a smidgen of light thanks to the poor lighting placement above them) were taken. This left a bank of showers all labelled with the following....
"WARNING! THIS SHOWER IS HOTTER THAN NORMAL"
Oh great. Gym Ninja was about to be boiled to death. However at least it would kill off the other guy's skin cells no? Gym Ninja picked a Death Shower Cubicle. Remember everyone, these showers use the old fashioned (aka tight as f*ck) method of controlling water flow. There is one button to the shower that you press repeatedly to get water of one pre-determined temperature. Constant button pressing is necessary if constant water is needed. Gym Ninja gingerly leaned towards the push button....best just push it once so the water streams out briefly so that she can determine exactly what temperature 'HOTTER THAN NORMAL' is nowadays.
Would it be:
Centre of a bowl of microwaved porridge hot?
Arm stuck down the side of a radiator in winter hot?
Centre of the Sun hot?
*press*
With an almighty blast worthy of Ron Jeremy the Porn Star (unheard of in these showers which usually whimper and spit a small trickle of water at you) the one single press that Gym Ninja did unleashed a torrent of continual forceful water....................ICE COLD water!
Whaaaaaaat?
That was it! Sweaty un-airconditioned gym session + vocal poo/wee child + splattered skin cells + ice cold shower = NOT a relaxing workout!
With that, Gym Ninja quickly finished up, dried herself down, got dressed and ran out of the gym.
See you all back here tomorrow!!!!
Gym Ninja x
Wednesday, 30 June 2010
Hydro Ninja strikes again
Yep.
Gym Ninja made it to the Hydropool again! Well, after the first attempt whereby half of the time spent in there was with water like glass due to Gym Ninja's lack of nerve pressing the mystery red buttons (the ones that power up the bubbles and jets), she thought it was about time she took her newly acquired knowledge and returned to the pool of many germs and put it into action (so to speak).
It was Sunday when Gym Ninja returned to the Hydropool. She'd replaced her usual Saturday Slaughter Session with a Sunday Slaughter Session, as a work meeting to discuss the freelance PT took over Saturday. So Sunday saw a 1 hour Extreme Hill Climb Spin Session and Gym Ninja was raring to go!
Bloody hot day though! Plus, the Spin Studio had obviously not had any aircon on overnight which meant that the air that was now blowing into the room was 'creepy relative' temperature (you know the temperature of the breath of the weird relative you hate who talks really close to your face and breathes into it?). Gym Ninja walked over to her usual bike, and went to climb on and....oh! Great! The resistance knob was broken! WHO HAD GYM NINJA's BIKE yesterday??????? Bungling fools broke it! So now Gym Ninja had to get on the bike to the left of her usual one, which was not directly in line with the creepy relative aircon vent. FFS! No show for Dangly today. Where WAS he? Maybe it was too hot for normal people to spend an hour in a darkened room sweating most of their water reserves onto the floor? There were hardly any of the usual crowd...uh oh. Gym Ninja could be in trouble here!!
But there was no time for quitting as the lights went down, the music blared out and off they went!!!!!!!
O.M.G.
Sweat was just pouring out of Gym Ninja. Who knew there was that much water inside oneself? Yet Gym Ninja's body needed to work hard. It had missed it's usual Saturday session so had a score to settle. Damn you conscience! You get in the way ALL the time!!!!! By the end of the hour it was as if Gym Ninja had already been in the Hydropool she was that drenched. Gotta love the old 'hair like a sealion' look as evidence you worked hard!!!!!!
Trickling out of the spin studio, Gym Ninja dried off and worked on her upper body, trying to ignore the sudden influx of girls all doing the same workout. If ever there is evidence of who reads faffy womens fitness magazines (you know the ones, that show a weedy girl doing biceps curls with water bottles!) it is this! The same identikit workout, never quite performed correctly! Taking regular peeks down through the window to the Hydropool below, Gym Ninja coincided her cool down stretches to an empty pool moment. Fantastic! A quiet Hydropool!
Changing into her bikini, Gym Ninja strode towards the magical door that lead to the poolside.
Walking through the door and toward the Hydropool and.........oh.
There were actually people IN IT!
That oughtn't be allowed!
Fair enough, Gym Ninja could hardly turn back now, so she tentatively edged down the steps of the pool and clawed her way around the edge to find a vacant spot.
Great. The pool appeared to be full of men. Now Gym Ninja was the only girl in there and seriously regretting her choice of bright turquoise blue bikini. WHY didn't she choose black?
Over to the far left of the pool were two young lads, maybe late teens? They were glancing over nervously. Fear not young boys! Gym Ninja is not about to rush over and display her girly bits at you! You are safe! Gym Ninja cannot go anywhere that is not the edge of the pool due to her water phobia!
To Gym Ninja's right were two older men, bubbling away like chicken in a stock pot. Bleurr!
Then there were the two guys reclining on the bubbly seats designed to reduce cellulite!!!!
After about 10 minutes Gym Ninja was ready to leave...and yet she couldn't, as unbeknown to her a guy had slipped into the pool and was now pinned to the edge of it, blocking her exit route. FFS!!!!!
SPLASH!
In jumped a gorilla! A proper hairy creature..thick black tufts sprouting from his shoulders (!) back, chest, all down his torso.......none on his head though. Odd. Almost like he was wearing a gorilla suit yet had decided at the last minute to leave the head off? So where did Gorilla Man stand? Well, in the Hydropool is a large oven extractor hood type thing. Press the button, stand under it and it hammers the person with a hard jet of water.
yep!
RIGHT under that, with his back to it, which meant that all Gym Ninja could see was the hair on his gorilla suit part like the Red Sea!!!!! On and on and on went the jet of water, the hair splatting to his back all long and black. Gym Ninja tried not to think about the hairs that couldn't cope with the water pressure and snapped off....please do not let one splat against any of Gym Ninja's exposed flesh please.....
Then, as the two chicken stock men left the pool, they were replaced by a man and a woman. the man was big and round and devoid of visible body or head hair. Once in the Hydropool he looked like a hard boiled egg. The woman was a buxom girl....possibly eating from the same dietary plan as Egg Man? They stood to the left of Gym Ninja...facing opposite each other. Rather too close actually. Maybe Buxom Girl will move?
Okaaaaaaay. Maybe not!
Egg Man and Buxom Girl were virtually fused at the chest! Buxom Girl must think she is on her holidays and doing that 'thing' couples do when in the sea...you know, when you go all still and hug each other and everyone knows that you're not paddling? So when you do it in the Hydropool? EEEEEEEK!!!!! STOP IT! Gym Ninja does not want to be in the same water as a couple dry humping! What with Gorilla Man's stray body hairs and The Egg Mans possible seepage if Buxom Girl carried on any longer, Gym Ninja seriously needed to quit this pool like NOW!
Eventually the human barricade man left which meant Gym Ninja could make a run (or slow wade) for it, up the stairs, past the two terrified teenage boys and out to the safety of the magic door that led back to the changing rooms............quite HOW the Hydropool is marketed as a relaxing experience is beyond Gym Ninja......
Gym Ninja
x
Gym Ninja made it to the Hydropool again! Well, after the first attempt whereby half of the time spent in there was with water like glass due to Gym Ninja's lack of nerve pressing the mystery red buttons (the ones that power up the bubbles and jets), she thought it was about time she took her newly acquired knowledge and returned to the pool of many germs and put it into action (so to speak).
It was Sunday when Gym Ninja returned to the Hydropool. She'd replaced her usual Saturday Slaughter Session with a Sunday Slaughter Session, as a work meeting to discuss the freelance PT took over Saturday. So Sunday saw a 1 hour Extreme Hill Climb Spin Session and Gym Ninja was raring to go!
Bloody hot day though! Plus, the Spin Studio had obviously not had any aircon on overnight which meant that the air that was now blowing into the room was 'creepy relative' temperature (you know the temperature of the breath of the weird relative you hate who talks really close to your face and breathes into it?). Gym Ninja walked over to her usual bike, and went to climb on and....oh! Great! The resistance knob was broken! WHO HAD GYM NINJA's BIKE yesterday??????? Bungling fools broke it! So now Gym Ninja had to get on the bike to the left of her usual one, which was not directly in line with the creepy relative aircon vent. FFS! No show for Dangly today. Where WAS he? Maybe it was too hot for normal people to spend an hour in a darkened room sweating most of their water reserves onto the floor? There were hardly any of the usual crowd...uh oh. Gym Ninja could be in trouble here!!
But there was no time for quitting as the lights went down, the music blared out and off they went!!!!!!!
O.M.G.
Sweat was just pouring out of Gym Ninja. Who knew there was that much water inside oneself? Yet Gym Ninja's body needed to work hard. It had missed it's usual Saturday session so had a score to settle. Damn you conscience! You get in the way ALL the time!!!!! By the end of the hour it was as if Gym Ninja had already been in the Hydropool she was that drenched. Gotta love the old 'hair like a sealion' look as evidence you worked hard!!!!!!
Trickling out of the spin studio, Gym Ninja dried off and worked on her upper body, trying to ignore the sudden influx of girls all doing the same workout. If ever there is evidence of who reads faffy womens fitness magazines (you know the ones, that show a weedy girl doing biceps curls with water bottles!) it is this! The same identikit workout, never quite performed correctly! Taking regular peeks down through the window to the Hydropool below, Gym Ninja coincided her cool down stretches to an empty pool moment. Fantastic! A quiet Hydropool!
Changing into her bikini, Gym Ninja strode towards the magical door that lead to the poolside.
Walking through the door and toward the Hydropool and.........oh.
There were actually people IN IT!
That oughtn't be allowed!
Fair enough, Gym Ninja could hardly turn back now, so she tentatively edged down the steps of the pool and clawed her way around the edge to find a vacant spot.
Great. The pool appeared to be full of men. Now Gym Ninja was the only girl in there and seriously regretting her choice of bright turquoise blue bikini. WHY didn't she choose black?
Over to the far left of the pool were two young lads, maybe late teens? They were glancing over nervously. Fear not young boys! Gym Ninja is not about to rush over and display her girly bits at you! You are safe! Gym Ninja cannot go anywhere that is not the edge of the pool due to her water phobia!
To Gym Ninja's right were two older men, bubbling away like chicken in a stock pot. Bleurr!
Then there were the two guys reclining on the bubbly seats designed to reduce cellulite!!!!
After about 10 minutes Gym Ninja was ready to leave...and yet she couldn't, as unbeknown to her a guy had slipped into the pool and was now pinned to the edge of it, blocking her exit route. FFS!!!!!
SPLASH!
In jumped a gorilla! A proper hairy creature..thick black tufts sprouting from his shoulders (!) back, chest, all down his torso.......none on his head though. Odd. Almost like he was wearing a gorilla suit yet had decided at the last minute to leave the head off? So where did Gorilla Man stand? Well, in the Hydropool is a large oven extractor hood type thing. Press the button, stand under it and it hammers the person with a hard jet of water.
yep!
RIGHT under that, with his back to it, which meant that all Gym Ninja could see was the hair on his gorilla suit part like the Red Sea!!!!! On and on and on went the jet of water, the hair splatting to his back all long and black. Gym Ninja tried not to think about the hairs that couldn't cope with the water pressure and snapped off....please do not let one splat against any of Gym Ninja's exposed flesh please.....
Then, as the two chicken stock men left the pool, they were replaced by a man and a woman. the man was big and round and devoid of visible body or head hair. Once in the Hydropool he looked like a hard boiled egg. The woman was a buxom girl....possibly eating from the same dietary plan as Egg Man? They stood to the left of Gym Ninja...facing opposite each other. Rather too close actually. Maybe Buxom Girl will move?
Okaaaaaaay. Maybe not!
Egg Man and Buxom Girl were virtually fused at the chest! Buxom Girl must think she is on her holidays and doing that 'thing' couples do when in the sea...you know, when you go all still and hug each other and everyone knows that you're not paddling? So when you do it in the Hydropool? EEEEEEEK!!!!! STOP IT! Gym Ninja does not want to be in the same water as a couple dry humping! What with Gorilla Man's stray body hairs and The Egg Mans possible seepage if Buxom Girl carried on any longer, Gym Ninja seriously needed to quit this pool like NOW!
Eventually the human barricade man left which meant Gym Ninja could make a run (or slow wade) for it, up the stairs, past the two terrified teenage boys and out to the safety of the magic door that led back to the changing rooms............quite HOW the Hydropool is marketed as a relaxing experience is beyond Gym Ninja......
Gym Ninja
x
Wednesday, 23 June 2010
Hydro Ninja
It's a bit hot eh?
Gym Ninja isn't a fan of the heat....nor the cold...nor the wind...nor the rain (unless it is that big fat smelly thundery rain that falls in huge blobs-that's fantastic rain!)...no pleasing some Ninja's is there?
Anyhow, Gym Ninja had packed herself off to the gym both yesterday and today, as she is on an Abtastic Mission...the Mission to actually train her abs.
Not occasionally as per usual, all 'hit and miss', but at least 3 times each week. 1 week in and the old abs are responding well. Extremely well actually! Done at the end of the workout just before cool down stretches, so as not to fatigue the core and affect stability and protection of the lower back during other lifts. See? Another fantabulous (!) tip from Gym Ninja for you all. Abs last Ninjarettes!
Of course the rest of the body is getting worked into the ground too. Gym Ninja is going to become very busy shortly with a business opportunity so wants to make the most of this time she has. Lots of compound work, lifting heavy, pressing heavy, working until the muscles pack in and give up. A bit like yesterday when, part way through Matrix Training (or 21s as they are often more commonly known), Gym Ninja's arms simply packed in! Great stuff!
Today Gym Ninja headed to the gym bang on when the England match was televised. It'd be mega quiet surely? Loads of space to float around and chuck some weight on the leg press. Perfect.
Surprisingly, there were quite a few people training who'd obviously thought the same as Gym Ninja. Damn! Of course, any piece of cardio facing a TV was already taken by a guy who was quite possibly about to attempt more cardio than he ever had done in his life! Gym Ninja was going to attempt some herself, yet the moment she went inside the gym, the heat was as great as the centre of the sun, therefore sapping her of all energy.
TURN THE AIRCON UP!!!!!!!!!!
Instead, Gym Ninja hit legs. The Leg Press was roughly near a TV so Gym Ninja did see the goal when it was scored. Not that seeing was a necessity. The male chorus of...
"HUUUUUUUUR"
That echoed across the two floor gym was enough to tell Gym Ninja that England had scored. Oh that and every groan when there was a near miss too.
To be truthful, Gym Ninja managed a lack lustre effort. She was too busy deciding if TODAY would be the Hydropool day? After all, a quiet gym would mean less furry teddies in the whirly old pool eh?
Would she?
Wouldn't she?
Hmmm.....
In the end, Gym Ninja got SO hot at the suns core, which by now had relocated inside the gym, that she decided to give it a go. With trepidation Gym Ninja changed into one of her more 'substantial' bikinis. Aka 'a normal one'...
Gym Ninja headed towards the door.....the door to the pool side. A door Gym Ninja had never been through before thanks to her water phobia. It was all very nerve wracking...
Once through the magic door, Gym Ninja spied the huge big whirl pool. It was as calm as glass....IS glass calm? You know what Gym Ninja means!
Anyhow, nobody was in it either! RESULT!
Gym Ninja walked to the edge, grabbed the rail and stepped in.
HOLY COW!
HOW deep is it?
Gym Ninja does not like water that reaches her chest (and Gym Ninja's chest sits realllll high kids!)
Uh oh. Too late now. Gym Ninja grasped the edge of the pool with her hands, knuckles turning white, and slowly edged along to a side part, before stopping and clinging to the edge.
Hmm.
T'was a tad hot.
Gym Ninja had hoped it'd be cool.
2 minutes later two large guys flobbered into the Hydropool and took up residence at the other side. They sat there, almost intertwined and chatted.
Gym Ninja felt 'in the way' but wanted to stay until the waters did their Lourdes type thing and bubbled up.
The waters remained calm.
For ages.
COME ON WATER!
Gym Ninja, by now, was bored.
Then, Gym Ninja saw it.......
A white box, on the side of the Hydropool.
A few of them, scattered across the side.
A white box with a big red button on it.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Shall Gym Ninja press it?
Gym Ninja feels she wants to.
What if it isn't the button to activate the jets?
What if it is a big red panic siren?
Now Gym Ninja was staring at the red button, her finger edging closer. AHHHHR!
A few times she went to press it, looked around and then pulled away.
Eventually though....eventually, Gym Ninja pressed the big red button....
*press*
.......
......
Nothing!
Oh.
So Gym Ninja edged towards another one.
*press*
Nothing!
*press press press*
Oh rubbish.
So Gym Ninja remained in the flat water. Boooooooorrrrrring!
After another few minutes a big hairy bearded man climbed in, waded past Gym Ninja, pressed the big red button and suddenly .....
*bubblybubblybubblybubble*
The water! T'was like Lourdes!
WTF?
How come Gym Ninja pressing the button hadn't worked?
Pah!
As Gym Ninja moved in the water, she managed to mainline a bubble jet right on the sole of her foot, that nearly had GN pinned to the ceiling she's that ticklish!
Moving quickly out of the jet with her right foot, her left foot found it...
AHHHHHHRRRRRRR!
How is this relaxing again? It's tickling Gym Ninja half to death!
So, remaining in the bubbles for a further 10 minutes, Gym Ninja then decided to wade back out of the Hydropool, having survived without drowning!
It wasn't until Gym Ninja returned to her locker she realised...she'd not brought a towel!
AHHHR!
Idiot!
So now GN had to towel herself dry using her slither of a gym sweat towel, before rolling on her tight jeans that were doing that trick of detecting slightly damp skin and sticking to it.....
Great.
Maybe next time, Gym Ninja may have a more successful Hydropool session?
Assuming England play again during her workout that is......
Gym Ninja x
Gym Ninja isn't a fan of the heat....nor the cold...nor the wind...nor the rain (unless it is that big fat smelly thundery rain that falls in huge blobs-that's fantastic rain!)...no pleasing some Ninja's is there?
Anyhow, Gym Ninja had packed herself off to the gym both yesterday and today, as she is on an Abtastic Mission...the Mission to actually train her abs.
Not occasionally as per usual, all 'hit and miss', but at least 3 times each week. 1 week in and the old abs are responding well. Extremely well actually! Done at the end of the workout just before cool down stretches, so as not to fatigue the core and affect stability and protection of the lower back during other lifts. See? Another fantabulous (!) tip from Gym Ninja for you all. Abs last Ninjarettes!
Of course the rest of the body is getting worked into the ground too. Gym Ninja is going to become very busy shortly with a business opportunity so wants to make the most of this time she has. Lots of compound work, lifting heavy, pressing heavy, working until the muscles pack in and give up. A bit like yesterday when, part way through Matrix Training (or 21s as they are often more commonly known), Gym Ninja's arms simply packed in! Great stuff!
Today Gym Ninja headed to the gym bang on when the England match was televised. It'd be mega quiet surely? Loads of space to float around and chuck some weight on the leg press. Perfect.
Surprisingly, there were quite a few people training who'd obviously thought the same as Gym Ninja. Damn! Of course, any piece of cardio facing a TV was already taken by a guy who was quite possibly about to attempt more cardio than he ever had done in his life! Gym Ninja was going to attempt some herself, yet the moment she went inside the gym, the heat was as great as the centre of the sun, therefore sapping her of all energy.
TURN THE AIRCON UP!!!!!!!!!!
Instead, Gym Ninja hit legs. The Leg Press was roughly near a TV so Gym Ninja did see the goal when it was scored. Not that seeing was a necessity. The male chorus of...
"HUUUUUUUUR"
That echoed across the two floor gym was enough to tell Gym Ninja that England had scored. Oh that and every groan when there was a near miss too.
To be truthful, Gym Ninja managed a lack lustre effort. She was too busy deciding if TODAY would be the Hydropool day? After all, a quiet gym would mean less furry teddies in the whirly old pool eh?
Would she?
Wouldn't she?
Hmmm.....
In the end, Gym Ninja got SO hot at the suns core, which by now had relocated inside the gym, that she decided to give it a go. With trepidation Gym Ninja changed into one of her more 'substantial' bikinis. Aka 'a normal one'...
Gym Ninja headed towards the door.....the door to the pool side. A door Gym Ninja had never been through before thanks to her water phobia. It was all very nerve wracking...
Once through the magic door, Gym Ninja spied the huge big whirl pool. It was as calm as glass....IS glass calm? You know what Gym Ninja means!
Anyhow, nobody was in it either! RESULT!
Gym Ninja walked to the edge, grabbed the rail and stepped in.
HOLY COW!
HOW deep is it?
Gym Ninja does not like water that reaches her chest (and Gym Ninja's chest sits realllll high kids!)
Uh oh. Too late now. Gym Ninja grasped the edge of the pool with her hands, knuckles turning white, and slowly edged along to a side part, before stopping and clinging to the edge.
Hmm.
T'was a tad hot.
Gym Ninja had hoped it'd be cool.
2 minutes later two large guys flobbered into the Hydropool and took up residence at the other side. They sat there, almost intertwined and chatted.
Gym Ninja felt 'in the way' but wanted to stay until the waters did their Lourdes type thing and bubbled up.
The waters remained calm.
For ages.
COME ON WATER!
Gym Ninja, by now, was bored.
Then, Gym Ninja saw it.......
A white box, on the side of the Hydropool.
A few of them, scattered across the side.
A white box with a big red button on it.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Shall Gym Ninja press it?
Gym Ninja feels she wants to.
What if it isn't the button to activate the jets?
What if it is a big red panic siren?
Now Gym Ninja was staring at the red button, her finger edging closer. AHHHHR!
A few times she went to press it, looked around and then pulled away.
Eventually though....eventually, Gym Ninja pressed the big red button....
*press*
.......
......
Nothing!
Oh.
So Gym Ninja edged towards another one.
*press*
Nothing!
*press press press*
Oh rubbish.
So Gym Ninja remained in the flat water. Boooooooorrrrrring!
After another few minutes a big hairy bearded man climbed in, waded past Gym Ninja, pressed the big red button and suddenly .....
*bubblybubblybubblybubble*
The water! T'was like Lourdes!
WTF?
How come Gym Ninja pressing the button hadn't worked?
Pah!
As Gym Ninja moved in the water, she managed to mainline a bubble jet right on the sole of her foot, that nearly had GN pinned to the ceiling she's that ticklish!
Moving quickly out of the jet with her right foot, her left foot found it...
AHHHHHHRRRRRRR!
How is this relaxing again? It's tickling Gym Ninja half to death!
So, remaining in the bubbles for a further 10 minutes, Gym Ninja then decided to wade back out of the Hydropool, having survived without drowning!
It wasn't until Gym Ninja returned to her locker she realised...she'd not brought a towel!
AHHHR!
Idiot!
So now GN had to towel herself dry using her slither of a gym sweat towel, before rolling on her tight jeans that were doing that trick of detecting slightly damp skin and sticking to it.....
Great.
Maybe next time, Gym Ninja may have a more successful Hydropool session?
Assuming England play again during her workout that is......
Gym Ninja x
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