Friday, 7 January 2011

Ninja Potter & The Philosophers Gym

 Happy 2011 Ninjarettes.

Gym Ninja has actually written up TWO blog posts so far this year, and yet neither have been published, as all New Year Blogs on fitness tend to be much of a muchness. All 'what makes you think you will succeed this year', 'start as you mean to go on', and 'tricks to stay on track'. All very worthwhile of course, but Gym Ninja got bored of her own ramblings, so will  instead dress up the same old fitness New Year message in a more recognisable format....and yes, perhaps it is based loosely on Harry Potter. What of it......? Ahem.

Ninja Potter & The Philosophers Gym.

2011 sees the start of a new term for Ninja Potter at Gymwarts, the place dedicated to  training up eager new Gym Newbies, as well as the older more established Gym Goers.  This is where the magic begins. 

Welcome to  Gymwarts

Gymwarts is where the eager Gym Newbies learn how to work their bodies. This is where they learn that exercise CAN become a regular part of their lives in the same way that beer & wine managed to sneak it's way in as a regular habit also. 

The First Semester Lesson timetable for the Gym Newbie will often contain the following:

Gym Induction

This introduces the Gym Newbie to the magical environment that is the gym.  The scared, big-eyed Newbie will stand agog at the high ceilings and weird, scary looking machinery inside Gymwarts. Their Gym Tutor will sooth the Gym Newbie, take them into a small cupboardesque room, tell them not to feel apprehensive or scared...and then  cast a spell* over them, freaking the Gym Newbie out by pinching and measuring and weighing the last ounce of confidence out of them before revealing 'as if by magic' just how terribly unfit and close to death they really are. 

*This spell is known as : Humilio Immobulus

Cardio Spell Casting Class

Moving stairs? That'll be the Stairmaster, a bewitched piece of kit that mimics the kind of steep escalator you find at tube stations and other torturous places. There may only appear to be 5 steps, however the magic you discover creates a never ending hell of stairs that keep coming back again and again, until it magically transforms* it's victim either into a God with glutes of iron, OR...a watery puddle of a person.

*This spell is known as: Glutea Mortis

Magical ability to run yet stay levitating in the same place? That'll be the treadmill. Newbies must learn that although this kit can create some magic, it is no the all-singing-all-dancing-all-powerful magical piece of equipment that allows them to potter about on it at 1 mph and expect to morph into a Gym Nymph!  The side effect of casting a Treadmill based spell* is a redness in the facial area.

*This spell is known as Pinkicheek Confundus

Muscle Magic Class

A very fast acting type of spell casting. The spells learned here can reshape the body drastically* if done correctly. However if done incorrectly** they can become rather dangerous and cause damage, muscle imbalance, odd looking physique due to lack of symmetry and also pulls and strains of the muscles. Here you will learn how to use the magical dumbbells and barbells correctly, learn how to ride a weights bench and memorise the variations of sets and reps that can change the spell cast from one of endurance, to hypertrophy or power. 

*This spell is known as Torso Transformis Beautifico 

**This spell is known as Symmetry Stupify

You will also be taught the magic of rest.* How to avoid over training and smoothing over that defined muscle (too much is as bad as too little) & how to switch things up every so often to avoid plateau**

*This spell is known as  Muscle Repairo 

**This spell is known as Plateau Expelliarmus 

You will also be taught which spells are classed as bad magic. On this list appear the following:

 Musclestrain Immobulus 

Crucio Hurtus

Faffy Engorgio

Stretch Casting

Ahh, the stretch class that everyone at Gymwarts usually thinks is the easy option and the class to skive!  WRONG! This is a really important  part of the magic you learn. Without it you will fall foul of being on the receiving end of the following spell:

Torso Petrificus 

This spell renders you immobile or at the very least, walking like an ex rodeo bull rider.  Stretch Casting is vital. It keeps the muscles limber, the joints mobile and kick starts the repair process. Repair of muscles damaged whilst exercising is vital for change and progress!

OK so that is enough from Gymwarts for the time being. Story Time is coming to an end.

However, just before Gym Ninja goes, she has a few New Year money saving treats for you all. Yes she does! How kind of her huh?

Maximuscle are doing a new ' 30 Day Challenge' and this time it isn't The Cyclone Challenge. Oh no!
It is the Lean Mean defined Challenge, or 'The New Body Challenge' as they call it!  See their website for more details here at

 They are also offering up various reduced price bundles.

The Lean Definition Bundles. 
Weight Loss Pack 1 is an example here  (there are plenty of other bundles though) should usually cost you £157.96 but up until the beginning of February you can grab it for £99 with FREE delivery.

There are Size & Strength Bundles. 
Progain Extreme Starter Pack is the example here that usually costs £112.95 that you can buy for just £1.99, again with FREE Delivery.

Finally there are a High Protein Bundles. 
Promax Starter Pack is the example here that is normally £74.96 but you can grab it for £49.99 again with FREE delivery.

So go have a rummage and start the magic with some quality supplements to support your nutrition & training goals. 

Gym Ninja x