Sunday, 30 May 2010

Back with a Vengeance! Saturday Slaughter Session

Having skipped the usual Saturday Slaughter Sessions the past 2 weeks due to other escapades (such as BodyPower), this weekend saw Gym Ninja return to her usual routine. To those unaware, it involves a one hour intense Spin Class (the only fitness 'class' GN will partake in) then a weights session.

Up & bursting with energy (gotta love the effects of Udos Oil already), Gym Ninja packed up her bag, slithered into her 'go-faster' lycra and pootled off to the Gym.

Ahead of Gym Ninja at the gym entrance was a Tall OAP. Freaky things Tall OAPs. This one was well over 6 foot....he walked through the door and promptly let it slam in GN's face!
Correction, Tall OAPs are both freaky and RUDE...

Gym Ninja warmed up with a 10 minute run. BCAAs were popped to preserve the lean muscle prior to such an intense workout, as was a cheeky energy shot in readiness for what lay ahead.  Then it was upstairs to the Spin Studio to take up residence on her usual Spin Bike. Woe betide anyone who may have taken it in her two week absence.

Warming up in the Spin Studio was Dangly Cross Earrings Man (who incidentally has never worn those earrings since so maybe needs a new name?) who takes the bike next to Gym Ninja's.  Pleasantries were exchanged...along the lines of..

"Where have you been for the past two weeks lazy arse?"

"Well hello to you too", Replied Gym Ninja, before explaining the reason for her absence (plus also mentioning the 'getting fired from her job' escapade).

Thus followed an oddball selection of conversational topics as the bikes were set up, mostly revolving around hairy people in the swimming pool, as Dangly had just been for a swim himself.

"I find it weird that the men with excessive body hair wear swim caps" Confided Dangly, screwing his face up in disgust. "There's this one guy who swims in the pool and he's covered in black hair! It's disgusting!"

"Soggy Teddy Man? Eww, yes I've seen him!" Remarked Gym Ninja. "He looks like a bear that fell in the water and his hair looks like it all knots up when it gets wet".

At that last comment, both Gym Ninja & Dangly went quiet, both horrified at the image that had just popped up in their image that was dissipated on arrival of the Fab Spin Instructor.

The room soon filled up with the regulars.. Bread Head was in, as was Clippy. Short Shorts sat on his usual bike, as did Mouth and Co (she brings a younger guy with her to every class and he sits there 'mute' throughout-hence now being recognised as 'and Co'). The lights were lowered, the stereo cranked up and off everyone went......

Holy Schmoly, the session was HARDCORE! Yet Gym Ninja's energy levels were high so the sweat just poured out, plastering her hair to her head (who's a Soggy Teddy now eh?). T'was as if Gym Ninja wore blinkers too, as she barely noticed Short Shorts with his out of rhythm bouncing around in front of her bike (very infuriating if you do notice it).

After an hour and nearly 600 cals later (not bad going for Gym Ninja's frame..calorie burn is linked with body weight you see) Gym Ninja staggered out, drenched in sweat and wondering why, despite using her padded gel seat cover, she still felt marginally violated by her Spin Bike?

But there was no time for resting. Not when energy levels were still bubbling. So, with more BCAAs popped, Gym Ninja began her leg workout.

Squats, Deadlifts, Lunges in various directions, Romanian deadlifts, Leg Press, Leg Extension, Hanging Roman Chair Alternate Leg Raises........Gym Ninja totally beasted her lower body until it could barely totter across the gym.

Whilst resting between sets, Gym Ninja took a peek out of the window overlooking the Hydropool and Main Swimming Pool.


Sat incredibly close together in a swirl of bubbling foamy water (bleuurr), were two men and one woman. It went 'man, man, woman' as the order they were sat in. Middle aged people, nothing to look at....and yet there was something a bit 'odd' about them. A 'vibe' they were giving out? Maybe they looked a bit too excited by the bubbles of the Hydropool? Was that it? Perhaps the fact they were sat SO incredibly close to each other? Maybe that was it? Or, perhaps it was all of these things, combined with the fact that one of the men had lifted his legs up so he jiggled in the bubbles? Either way, Gym Ninja really regretted looking out of the window!

Quick! Look away!


Gym Ninja's eyes rested upon Skins. Now Skins is a guy who manages to colour-match to perfection his swimming trunks to his skin tone, making him appear naked as he walks about around the pool. This is really not a good thing....and right up there with flesh toned lingerie in Gym Ninjas LIST OF BAD THINGS.  Gym Ninja snapped her head around....and was promptly met with a view of the Threesome again, who by now had become quite giggly and were stroking each others arms... Time to wind up this Gym Session! Gym Ninja quickly headed back to her barbell, finished off her moves and stretched out to finish. PHEW! Well done Gym Ninja!

Staggering down the stairs and into the Changing Rooms (always a sign of a good leg session when Gym Ninja walks like a baby giraffe) it was time for a  quick shower, running the risk of third degree burns should the showers again be at the water temperature of the sun. Luckily the water temperature was fine. However, Gym Ninja did not manage to nab the only shower cubicle that has all of the strip lighting above it and instead had to shower in near darkness in one of the others. PLEASE sort the lighting out? Gym Ninja does not wish to shower in darkness.

Once clean, dressed and ready to leave, Gym Ninja mixed up her usual refreshing  Promax protein shake in choc mint flavour, and then headed out of the door, freaking out about 3 guys training on the gym floor who had blatantly never seen a woman drink from a Protein Shaker bottle before....uhhr!

Until tomorrow Ninjarettes.....

Gym Ninja x

Friday, 28 May 2010

Gym Ninja & the Mood Hoover

Well, this blog isn't supposed to be a diary in which Gym Ninja can let off steam, and yet today may just be a day that it is....however, firstly a gym update...

After NO gym yesterday (Wednesday by the time Gym Ninja posts this) GN wanted to fit in a cardio and abs session today, ideally in the daytime when she has more energy for cardio.  However for some reason (OK, so the fact she is now in the habit of going to bed in the early hours) she found herself running late AGAIN!  Pah!  Then she realised she also needed to fit in a visit to see her grandfather who'd just been admitted to hospital. Naturally, visiting him was the main priority, so the cardio session would have to be shorter than planned.

So by midday GN had made it to the gym, walked through the turnstile and then..


That familiar 'jammed' sensation that GN had the other day. The old 'your bag is now stuck in the turnstile which in turn now means YOU are stuck in the turnstile' moment. Gym Ninja is always having bag/door jamming issues. Once when working at a Stockbrokers (yeh, get Gym Ninja!) she managed to hold up about 25 people because she'd managed to get her handbag trapped in a revolving door as she tried to pass through...

Once Gym Ninja's naughty bag was stuffed into a locker, the workout could commence. Some LSD today (Long Slow Duration remember, not any dodgy stuff).

Gym Ninja selected a treadmill that was sandwiched between two pensioners on treadmills too. Both were strolling along fairly briskly, which did kind of make it tough for GN to try and launch herself into a run. It can feel easier to run if the 'neighbours' are running. However Gym Ninja loves to see pensioners at the gym. They are bionic pensioners who will lead a very long healthy life (even if they do make GNs run a tad harder).

Opposite the treadmills were two TV sets.
Is someone up there determined to make this a tough session?


OMG. Gym Ninja is all for fluffy TV but really? This? At least that Carol 'I have a toyboy and was married to Chris Evans for all of 5 minutes  yet still bleat on about it' wasn't on it!
Gym Ninja ran faster to make the session speed up...then remembered she was basing this session on 'time' and not distance.
Duh! Bimbo Ninja.

Once the run had finished it was over to oooh, let's see, maybe the X Trainer today. Not been on the faffy old X Trainer for a while.  Again followed more torturous cardio thanks to the continuation of LOOSE WOMEN...s'pose it makes a change from the cookery shows that usually distract GN on a Saturday Slaughter Session?

Once all cardio was complete, Gym Ninja went back into the changing rooms and passed a lady sitting on one of the benches in a towel. GN then headed to the far side of the changing area (yeh it's fairly big) ......only to then see the SAME lady in her towel, now sitting in the shower area.
Tooooooo freaky for Gym Ninja today!

To finish off the brief yet (fingers crossed) effective workout, Gym Ninja headed back into the gym to work on her abs. Russian Twists with a med ball, Roman Chair leg raises, frog crunches, v-up med ball twists....all whilst being distracted by a woman on the Elliptical Trainer who had such an odd motion going that it appeared she was 'raving' on the machine.

*big fish little fish* (as the raving dance goes)

Time to shower!!!!!!

After a hospital visit and other faffy bits & bobs to do, Gym Ninja returned home to a sumptuous dinner of steamed veg & cottage cheese drizzled with Udo's Choice Oil....mmm. FAR nicer than you may think!



Uh oh!

Are you aware of what a Mood Hoover is people?

Mood Hoover.
A person who sucks up all  positivity, happiness, feelings of excitement.

Sometimes they are fairly obvious in what they do. You may be happily making plans about the future, excitedly talking about someone new you've met, maybe even showing them your new car or telling them about a promotion at work?

(thats the hoover sound)

"That'll never work."
"He sounds like a player"
"How can you even afford that?"
"I bet you'll never handle the pressure"

And with one sentence your mood comes crashing down. The happiness or excitement you felt vanished! Poof! Into thin air. Then you are left with a vacuum of self doubt, suspicion, worry, stress......
NASTY Mood Hoovers.

But it's bad enough when they are obvious, but when they are more sly? Oooooh, NOT nice.

Sly Mood Hoovers appear to have your best interests at heart. They only tell  you that they are saying this 'for your own good' or 'because you are my friend' or even 'I'd want you to tell me if it were the other way around'....
Of course that is just as dangerous as you may change what you are doing as you think it is helpful advice. You feel sad, slightly empty and fed up. But the Mood Hoover knew you would.

So why do they do it?

Maybe you are on a new fitness regime, or have lost some weight? The Mood Hoover may start to feel jealous of you, or threatened by your new shape and outlook on life? In some cases the Mood Hoover may not even be consciously aware of what they are doing? However this does not help you. Even if you are aware...

Anyhow...why is is GN talking about Mood Hoovers? Who rattled GN's cage?
Obviously a MOOD HOOVER that is who! All wrapped up in a pretty bow of 'helpful advice' came the *wooooooooooooooo* and in fact, it did manage to start sucking out the excitement from GN until she realised what was going on.

Uh oh.

Rather than go too much into detail here (as GN thinks it was a Mood Hoover who was *hopefully* unaware of what she was doing), Gym Ninja will just give a sketchy outline.
Advice was 'given' about a project Gym Ninja is working on.
Gym Ninja used to (!) work in sales so is fully aware of how to sell something, market it etc, and in order to do that one needs to find a USP...a 'Unique Selling Point' that makes what you are selling different to every other thing it 'could' technically be compared with. Then, if it is seen differently for whatever reason (due to the USP) then it makes it harder for the customer to compare directly with competitors. If you cannot be compared then you do not usually have to justify why you are 'better' than them.

Follow so far?

So Gym Ninja has her USP in place for the project. It's glamorous. Aesthetically pleasing and inspirational one would hope. This is possibly a unique and rare slant to the usual way such a service is marketed... but that is Gym Ninja's aim. Cater for the gap in the market which is why she is going down the glam route...however the Mood Hoover disagreed. Thought it was a BAD idea.  Thus followed a few 'veiled' nice vacuuming  comments designed to not only suck away Gym Ninja's positivity and excitement, but also to attack her own sense of character almost.

Yes, GN stepped away from what was happening. Recognised it fairly early (luckily) and after a rant to some friends who assured GN she was doing the 'right' thing & to ignore the Mood Hoover, it was back to trying to block out the comments and focus on the goal.  To help this matter, GN delved into some quotes to refocus her Ninjarettes may also wish to copy these and hold them for times when you too fall prey to a Mood Hoover?

'You cannot control everything that will happen today. Yet you can completely control the person you will be today'

'Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself'

'Haters are just fascinated by your life'

'All your dreams can come true if you continue believing in yourself. Never stop.'

Plus Gym Ninja's favourite for this very situation...

''Don't let anyone tell you that you have to be a certain way. Be unique. be what you feel"....

That's your lot today Ninjarettes.  Have a fantastic Bank Holiday weekend if you are here in the UK and blog shortly (OK, so probably tomorrow!) ...

Gym Ninja x

Wednesday, 26 May 2010

Busy Bee Ninja

How can Gym Ninja BE this busy?
Gym Ninja has no job. Yet is busier than ever? Go figure.

Today GN realised she'd forgotten to blog yesterday, but to be fair had again had a run in with 2 spiders of gigantic proportions that day and so was a tad flustered. One spider the size of a dinner plate was spied hanging around on the bathroom wall near the sink (now drowned in a crumpled tissue down the u-bend). The second spider which was approximately the size of Switzerland, was seen galloping at speed towards the sofa Gym Ninja was sat on, only to magically fold up, origami style, to get underneath it!!!!!! That spider is still alive somewhere, multiplying into billions of babies that will attack GN as she sleeps........

Then yesterday Gym Ninja had to pootle off to get her hair cut. Yeh GN has no job/income but she sure as hell cannot have hair that grows outwards like a mushroom!  As Gym Ninja meandered to the hairdressers, she was snapped out of her daydream by a man walking past who'd stared at GN, growled, winked and barked like a dog at her.


What IS the actual protocol in such a situation? It was definitely supposed to be a 'compliment' as opposed to barking and insinuating Gym Ninja WAS a dog (she hopes), but all the same? Should Gym Ninja

A)  'Pat' the man?
B) Throw the man a dog biscuit?
C)  Mess up the mans ears and throw him a ball to chase?
D) Grab a plastic bag, grit her teeth and 'clean up' after the man?
(please do not let it be D)

Luckily...he walked off......PHEW! THAT could have been awkward eh?

Once at the hairdressers, Gym Ninja and Hair Girl (the hairdresser) exchanged freaky 'It could only happen to me' stories. Apparently, last week Hair Girl ended up inadvertently changing a mans appearance for him before half way through his extreme colour change, having him admit that he was on fact on the run from a mental prison facility because he stabbed his dad with a knife by accident.

"I tried to say sorry but he'd already died" Explained the Fugitive.
Hair Girl nodded and eyed up the scissors sitting far too close to the man...

OBVIOUSLY Hair Girl won this months 'It could only happen to me' Game although GNs sudden sacking (Fondant Fancy) from her job did come close.

So... today Gym Ninja found herself spending the ENTIRE Day trying to create a flyer to be placed on Facebook and mailed to friends advertising her Personal Training Services.  Sounds like it should be a short job eh? Annoyingly, Gym Ninja is a perfectionist when it comes to such things which meant lots of layout changes, faffing on Fotolia ( a website quality photos can be purchased from) and so on until about 5 hours had passed. maybe Gym Ninja had been multi-tasking too? Yes the flyer was time consuming, however it hadn't helped that GN was sat by her Mac, Facebook & Twitter open, emails flying all over the place, texts, phone calls.....oh and let us not forget the general browsing of the internet for bargains.

Gym Ninja had forgotten that Maximuscle were running a special offer a day! YEP! No more waiting around for weeks for something you use to come up on offer as it changes DAILY!

There are THREE offers in fact.

1. The daily specials so all you have to do is click on the link above or one of the banners on this site and see what they have today.

2. £20 off if you place an order over £65.. to get this you enter the special code fof20 at checkout

3. THEN, still being greedy as you are, you can then refer friends. The friends you refer get £15 off if they order over £50 and YOU get £5 per referral if they do that.

Imagine the stash of stuff you can stock up on with all of that eh? So you can see why Gym Ninja got distracted ALL day long...? See? Gym Ninja wants us all to buy the good stuff!!!!  Any of the links on the blog will take you to their site so click away and enjoy the shopping. Feel free to buy extra for Gym Ninja and post it over...GN is on a minus-budget donchaknow!


Recall a few blog posts back, that Gym Ninja has bought some Udo's Choice EFA oil? Gym Ninja has been taking the oil since Sunday. 15mls per 25kgs of bodyweight  is the recommended that is what? 4 days?

Within 4 days Gym Ninja now has the most amaaaaaaaaaazinly soft skin! Like silk! All stroke-able and velvety! Not that Gym Ninja was like a cactus before...but the difference already is remarkable. Gym Ninja also feels she looks a bit more defined too.
Can the oil really work so fast? Maybe yes, maybe it's all in the mind? But if the mind thinks it is working and reacts accordingly then who cares???

Look at the time! An entire day LOST to the computery world........
Report back tomorrow people!

Gym Ninja (super soft) x

Monday, 24 May 2010

Gym Ninja!!!!


It's still sunny........ Marvelous news eh?

Anyone out there having a 'small to medium sized panic' at the thought of having to reveal their body in skimpy summer clothing yet? Huh? Are you sure? It's usually the case when the sun comes out that the gym suddenly gets inundated with people who've not been since the January crush! Lots of last-minute 'Holy schmoly, I need to burn off some of this fat and get into a half-decent shape/size before someone harpoons me in the street and sells me to the Japanese..'
Saying that, the Gym wasn't too busy today. Maybe the thought of sweating like a Ninja pig in the heat was a tad worse than being harpooned in the street?

Anyhow, a bit of heat never stopped Gym Ninja, nosireebob!  GN hasn't trained since Friday and after the BodyPower Expo was all fired up and raring to go!

LEG DAY!!!!!!!!!!!

After a day of being 'busy' (an hour-long telephone job interview, job hunting online, some programme prescription etc) Gym Ninja got changed into her gym gear, packed up her Maximuscle shaker and Promax Choc Mint for post workout (nom nom) and set out to the gym....

It was a different start to Friday's session to be fair. GN had forgotten to regale you all with what happened on Friday! GN had grabbed her gym bag and dumped it by the Ninjamobile before nipping back in to the house for something she'd forgotten. Once in the car Gym Ninja hit the reverse and headed backwards...



What was that?????

Gym Ninja got out of the car and suddenly went cold...she HAD put the gym bag IN the boot surely?

Gym Ninja ran (Ok so it's a Mini Cooper, so maybe GN just took 2 steps but that doesn't sound as dramatic now does it?) to the boot and opened it. No bag. There ws no bag behind the car either. Gym Ninja 'strode' (is that better?) to the front of the car to se if the bag HAD been run over and was now at the front? Nope. No bag. if it's not in the boot and it's not at the front OR back, where IS it?

Gym Ninja crouched down.


The gym bag was now wedged under the car. This meant GN had to drive forwards over the bag AGAIN in order to release it...


Gym Ninja ran out of the car to inspect the damage. There, lying on the driveway was a dead carcass of a gym bag. Inside GN's gym bag were 7 small bottles of Lucozade shots she'd bought on promotion for 59p each, an expensive Polar heart Rate Monitor plus a can of Diet Emerge energy drink & her Maximuscle shaker-you can only imagine what GN was expecting to find after running over the bag twice??


Oooh....everything was OK! Remarkable! T'was a miracle!

Anyway, back to today. On route to the gym, GN stopped for fuel for the Ninjamobile. One of those 'Pay At The Pump' garages. GN was busy tapping away her pin code into the petrol pump before filling the car up, when  a white van (*sigh*, typical) drove past and a deep voice shouted out at GN...

"Phwoah, you're in FANTASTIC shape!!"

Gym Ninja pretended not to hear, yet gave herself away as in her flustered state (GN is a bit 'shy' you see) she went to refuel the car without actually picking up the nozzle and was stood at the petrol cap for a good 3 seconds before realising the car won't refuel itself! DUH!

 GN arrived at the gym, slung her bag over her shoulder, swiped the membership card and immediately wedged herself into the turnstile. Damned gym bag will be the death of Gym Ninja!

Once in the changing rooms, she put her bag down and began to sort through her stuff.

"Those showers nearly BURNED me!" Said a voice out of nowhere.....

Gym Ninja turned round and there was an older lady stood next to GN, wrapped in a bath towel and with skin the colour of tomato ketchup.

"They just don't have the right temperature! I nearly burned my scalp!" She continued, showing Gym Ninja a red scalp.


Gym Ninja made a few sympathetic 'sorry you got boiled in the showers' noises in reply to the random lady who'd decided to talk to GN whilst continuing to rummage through her bag looking for her headphones.

"You're NOT going to work out in THIS heat are you?" Enquired the Boiled Lady.

Gym Ninja stopped rummaging through her bag and looked down at her gym clothing.....some people DO ask the most obvious of questions....

Once the workout was underway, Gym Ninja pushed herself to do a 20 minute HIIT run using 1: rest/recovery ratios to blast away her build-up of caffeine she'd ingested earlier. then after sweating all over herself, it was time to begin LEGS!!!!!!

But first GN went to the locker to get her jump rope so she could do intervals between exercises...


Gym Ninja's jump rope was not in her gym bag.

PAH! GN had LOST her jump rope. Buggeroony!

Gym Ninja headed back into the gym and into the womens section for a bit of space.

Another miracle!
See? They DO happen!

There, curled up in the corner of the room like a very thin sleepy snake, was Gym Ninja's jump rope! She'd last used it 3 days ago and there it was, where she'd accidentally left it behind. This meant that GN could intersperse her exercises with some cardio to further add to the burn...

Just as GN was nearly finished having done a fair few exercises, she decided to finish off what was left of any energy her legs had by loading up the Hammer Strength Leg Press...

Yep! 150 kgs! NO, not 150 lbs. Kilograms! Ickle Gym Ninja did over twice her body fact nearly 3 times her body weight. YAY for leg day...............


what did YOU all do today eh?

Gym Ninja x

Sunday, 23 May 2010


Ahhh, what a fab show!

Gym Ninja pootled off to the BodyPower Expo in Birmingham yesterday and met up with the very lovely Tara. Sadly JAG couldn't make it (her blog post explains why) so not quite the Three Musketeers as planned. :-(

HOW many disasters could strike in one day though? Firstly, Gym Ninja got a call on route to say her Grandfather had been taken into hospital (he is discharged now thank God), then a text from Tara saying she'd missed her train and that JAG couldn't make it....that was before GN even got to the NEC!  Once parked, Gym Ninja merely had to follow the line of elite physique bodies like some sort of bionic race, to the exhibition hall. Oddly, running alongside the BodyPower Expo was a Mother/Baby expo....

Anyhow, GN finally made it. Then there followed a half hour of

"Where are you?"
"I'm Here!"
"So am I"
"I can't see you"
"I can't see you either" 

Until FINALLY Tara & Gym Ninja met up. YAY!

On a tangent, Tara is entering FAME next weekend. Tis all very exciting and she looks in great shape. She also had some professional photos done yesterday too and let GN tell you, they are hawwt!  Let us all hound her until she posts them on her blog ;-)

Anyway....into the show..........

It was wall-to-wall supplement suppliers plus various area where MMA, Boxing, wrestling etc was taking place.  Gym Ninja & Tara began their mooch and within seconds were sampling some shots of protein.  Most of the Suppliers had decanted their shakes into teeny (PAH!) shot glasses for people to try, and the first ones Tara and GN drank were by a company called Isopure ( if you want to check it out). Tara & GN quaffed a shot of a bright blue clear fruity protein called Isopure Zero Carb which had 40g of protein and is bought by the bottle. AMAZING taste and yet at nearly £4 a bottle (1 serving!) it'd bankrupt most people.

Then it was over to MyProtein ( to try some of their protein bars and shakes.
OMG! HOW nice was the shake? Especially the RTD stuff that tasted all yummy and nice. Tara & GN managed to sneak back a second time later in the day to quaff another thimble of one & also got a sachet to take away. Not sure what the quality is like but GN is always happy to try something & report back.

Talking of AMAZING tasting stuff, has anyone tried Muscle Milk by Cytosport? This was GN's first time! Yes, the stuff is calorific. But the actual shakes taste fantastic, like milkshake. Possibly better for guys looking to build, however they do have a light option & GN was given 3 sachets of that to take away.  The guys on that stand also handed out some dinky shot bottles called 'Muscle Milk Refuel' which have 5g of protein in them and are about the size of those dinky Total Energy shot drinks you can get.  Gym Ninja and Tara got given 4 each..yummy! Can try those out on the run...

Now it got to half way through the exhibition stand & Gym Ninja and Tara must have tested a billion sliced up protein bars and shots of various proteins. Some nice, some icky. Of course just because something tastes great it doesn't necessarily mean it IS great, but it's always good to try these things out. That is until Gym Ninja started to feel all of the protein bars expand slowly in her stomach!

QUICK! Time for 'normal' food. This involved GN queueing for beef in a bun, but of course without the bun due to GN's wheat allergy.

OMG! HOW good is it to be around like-minded people? Normally when GN asks for something 'off menu' like a beef roll without the roll, then follows some sort of question/answer session between GN and the seller about why she doesn't want the bread.  But at the BodyPower Expo when GN asked for no bread the seller said...


That was IT! These people understand why someone may not want certain foods in their stomachs. Gym Ninja wants the world to be like this. To never have to explain ever again why she eats some things & not others...

Now whilst at the Expo, GN had to come up with an 'emergency' birthday present for her Brother-In-Law as it was his birthday the next day & having lost her job, Gym Ninja is somewhat broke. So the plan was to blag as many freebies as possible & make up some sort of 'fitness gift box' for him. The humungous Expo T Shirt given to GN as she arrived would be first in the box, but that wasn't enough so GN got a couple of copies of Muscle & Fitness for free too...oh and some supplement samples (but NOT all of them as GN wanted some too). But what else......that was not enough....quick! THINK! What else?

Then it came to Gym Ninja. All of a sudden, standing there in front of her was Enigma, the Gladiator!  That's IT!

"Excuse me" Said Gym Ninja.

" It's my brother-in-laws birthday tomorrow & I've kind of not got him anything yet. Would you be able to do an autographed photo for him wishing him happy birthday at all?"

Enigma smiled (doesn't she look like Posh Spice BTW?) and picked up a photo and signed it for GN's brother-in-law.

EXCELLENT! He will love it!

"What's his name?" Said a voice, and Gym Ninja turned round to see another Gladiator DOOM, brandishing a pen and also signing a photo for GN's brother-in-law.

Hmmm. Gym Ninja thinks Doom didn't quite understand why her grown up brother-in-law may want a signed photo of a lycra-clad Enigma & not necessarily a similar shot of a muscular man.......however GN thanked him anyway and so now had two signed Gladiator photos for a man who was due to turn 42 years old...!!!!!

In fact GN and Tara did plenty of posing with muscly people during the show. It was great fun. A fantastic slimming aid too ladies...stand by a huge man and look dinky!

The most fun person GN posed with was by far IFBB Pro BodyBuilder Andy Haman working on the Dymatize Nutrition (  stand as one of their sponsored athletes. SUCH a funny guy and SO sweet to both Tara and Gym Ninja. More than happy to pose for photos, and GN 'means' pose! He pulled his vest up with his teeth exposing his amazing 6 pack (check on their website for his photo). Plus, he made GN look teeny tiny dinky by comparison as his arm must have been the thickness of GN's torso!  When he did a signed phot he even said '<3 your hot bod!' to GN....which of course made her squeal in a girly fashion inside her own head even though she knew he was being cheesy!

Another great guy was Jason Barnett, another Body Builder who was in association with Udo's Choice Oils. That's the liquid EFAs. Anyhow, Tara already uses Udos and had gone to get ready for her photo shoot at this point so GN was happy to learn from Jason the many benefits of this amazing oil.  After tasting a shot of it (yep, GN quaffed a shot glass of  neat oil!) & hearing how it can help shed bodyfat and do amaxing things to the skin hair and nails (Jason said he now has nails like a girl they are that long!!!)  Gym Ninja bought a bottle!  Will report back on the findings........

After a fantastic day and having also had the privilege of watching Tara's photoshoot it was time to head home....with the bag of swag...

OK-it's taken Gym Ninja all evening to type this blog due to various 'distractions' (one of which being the fact that United Utilities cut off the water in the area with no warning leaving GN waterless!) so it's time to go.

More 'in-depth' info will follow as and when GN gets a tad less distracted ;-)

Gym Ninja x

Friday, 21 May 2010

Farmer Ninja


A bit of Wednesday AND Thursday thrown together in a combined blog today for you all.did you all get fed up of checking yesterday and it's now Friday? Sorry about that! Time ran away again.

So, Wednesday was a rest day from the gym. Lots was planned but it all went to pot when Gym Ninja's alarm failed to go off and she awoke 2 hours later than planned! Not even the Ninja cats had bothered to do their usual trick of trampling across the pillows in a casual yet planned 'wake up NOW as I trample your head' shortcut....which meant that GN was behind from the offset! A quick breakfast of 2 scoops of Strawberry Promax Diet with iced water and frozen berries to thicken it up and then plonk in front of the mac computer. GN was as busy as ever.

Firstly the obligatory job trawl through the internet job sites.  Pah. Nothing much to report! Then it was a quick peek at Saturday's agenda for the planned meet up with JAG and TARA. Gym Ninja is meeting up with them both for the first time in person at the BodyPower Expo at the Birmingham NEC.  LOTS of supplement companies will be there (always happy to road test a few protein bars and shakes)and GN is hoping to get a photo of herself with Jay Cutler, Mr Olympia who is the size of an elephant! Isn't he big for his age eh??? Plus, as EVERy woman knows, if you stand next to a huge guy then you look dinky in comparison.

Later that day it was time for Gym Ninja to morph into being Farmer Ninja. The vegetable seeds wouldn't grow in the packets 'apparently' so it was time for GN to grab the garden tool thingies that had been rusting in her shed and have a jolly good fork!!!!!! Not as much fun as it sounds...and bloody hard work actually.

Admittedly maybe digging a vegetable patch in the middle of a piece of lawn isn't correct 'form' but to be fair it's not something GN had thought through. Her skills lie in fitness and other things...but once the turf had been removed the whole thing got easier.

Farmer Ninja stopped for a breather...looking down at the vegetable patch freshly dug.


Subconsciously dug in the shape of........well take a look and see what you think? does kind of look like a shallow grave doesn't it? 

It also appears to be the exact dimensions of Muppet, Gym Ninja's former boss...
So strange what the subconscious does.... ;-)

By now GN had got bored of being a Farmer and decided to take an incoming call from Stumps. Now Stumps had been ringing a fair few times as she was on a mission to locate on of the 'selling them off cheap' bargain tubs of Mini Promax Diet that Gym Ninja had bought for £10.99 at Superdrug. Stumps was getting a tad annoyed that she'd not had any luck having trawled all of the Superdrug stores in a 30 mile radius...

"I'm being a Farmer so I can't talk for long" Said Farmer Ninja to Stumps. 

However it turned out to be rather a useful chat, as Stumps is married to a gardener type of farmer person and quickly put him on the line when Farmer Ninja started to talk random stuff about not now knowing what to do in terms of adding and digging in fertilizer/plant food/top soil etc..

" Stumps tells me you're digging a vegetable patch and want to know what to do in terms of the  stuff you have?" Said Mr Stumps

"Yup. I have fertilizer, organic plant food..I don't know what to do next? When do I chuck the seeds in?"  Enquired Farmer Ninja.

"What type of fertilizer do you have?" Questioned Mr Stumps.


"'s in a bag. I'm not sure in fact if it IS fertilizer? It's like a bag of soil I got from the supermarket.." Farmer Ninja petered out, now realising that perhaps fertilizer is specific terminology and what maybe she meant to say was 'bag of soil'?

"OK, so what kind of plant food is it?" Continued Mr Stumps, trying not to sound exasperated.

What KIND?

" in a bag? Sprinkly stuff you chuck on the soil."  Described Farmer Ninja.

It would be fair to say that Mr Stumps is a very tolerant man. He gave Farmer Ninja some wise advice on her shallow grave and so far all Farmer Ninja can recall is that she is NOT to plant the carrot seeds near everything else as there is something called 'Carrot Fly' that will come in and scoff everything.(Farmer Ninja would imagine that Carrot Fly are orange with green tufty hats...?) So it turns out that carrots are fairly anti-social in terms of vegetable patches. Like the ASBO veggies of the patch. Who knew?

By now Farmer Ninja had reverted back to Gym Ninja and just lobbed the packets of seeds at the ground, covered them over and covered them with a Cloche which is garden-talk for a clear plastic vegetable 'play tunnel'.  That'd keep the NInja cats away as they'd ben circling the area since Farmer Ninja started digging, their eyes lit up ready to use the gigantic purpose dug cat litter tray.......................


Gym time!

After another busy yet apparently fruitless day of job hunting, Gym Ninja was ready to hit the gym. Train the 'wheels' as they say in the body building world (Gym Ninja is learning the lingo for the weekend so she can communicate with the Meatheads you see). 
Hmm, are wheels legs? Or are they arms? No wait! Arms are 'guns' in 'Sun's out Guns out' phrase to describe how muscly men always don their vest tops when it's sunny to showcase their huge arms...mmm. 
Actually, what ARE The other names for muscle parts? AHHHR! GN needs to learn this and fast.

But back to yesterday's session. 'Twas a leg day! Gym Ninja did her usual back to front 'it suits me so butt out' style of training (cardio before weights) and spent 20 minutes on the treadmill doing some HIIT in the form of interval runs up inclines. AT one point GN found herself running up a 13% gradient! That'll warm up the legs!

To the left of Gym Ninja's treadmill was a large advertising space that is rented out by the Gym. Today the advertising board was covered in an advert for Oven Chips.

in a gym? 

After the run, it was LEG TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Incline Hammer Strength leg press, one legged dumbbell deadlifts, spilt squats, Romanian deadlifts (stiff-legged to you!)....4-6 sets of 10 today for some unknown reason. Yeh, sometimes the plan is that there IS no plan!  Every time GN had to go swap her weights she had to run the gauntlet of Beach Towel Woman. The woman who picks a central spot in the gym  floor and whacks down her stripy beach towel to do ab work..although you never actually SEE her do any ab work She merely lies there....maybe catching a few rays from the overhead strip lights, like some sort of trip hazard?

Gym Ninja also ensured her legs were slaughtered by throwing in some skipping intervals between sets, which also doubles as a fantastic anti-social 'don't stand near to me or I shall whip you with the skipping rope' kind of a mechanism. 

That evening, Gym Ninja was relaxing when the room went a huge shadow had been cast across it...what on EARTH?????



A spider the size of Jay Cutler Mr Olympia was galloping at speed across the zebra print rug and under the sofa. There is NO WAY that spider would be able to fold itself down to fit under the sofa and yet it did! Freaky hydraulic spidery legs! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Gym Ninja hates spiders ever since her Year 2 Primary School teacher picked one off her jumper at school. Gym Ninja doesn't like spiders OR jumpers now...

So all evening GN sat by, wondering when Giant SPider would emerge. GN even moved the sofa....and NO! Nothing! Where the f*ck had Giant Spider gone?

An hour later, GN spotted it! A the OTHER SIDE of the room. PLEASE let it be the same one and not it's Twin?  Armed with an old copy of NOW magaxine, GN edged towards the monster and slammed down the magazine and stamped on it. DEAD!

WHAT did you expect? A glass and a piece of cardboard? Gym Ninja is not a hostess offering a glass to animals that size, and anyway there were NO glasses in GN's home that would have covered the Giant Spider anyhow!  Oh what? Don't believe GN? Really? OK....take  a look yourself...

See? Look at it's hydraulic legs all ready to rip Gym Ninja's throat out as she sleeps. 

So...what did GN do with the carcass of the spider? Well......remember the vegetable shallow grave.....? ;-)

Toodle pip

Gym Ninja x

Wednesday, 19 May 2010

The Nasty Place

Welcome back Ninjarettes!

Allow Gym Ninja to regale you with yesterdays ordeal of the Nasty Place (aka the Job Centre). If ever there is a warning to people to stay employed then it is this blog post......

Gym Ninja isn't sure if any of her readers frequent or have frequented the Nasty Place? Gym Ninja had to last year when she was made redundant with only a week's notice. Yep-Gym Ninja isn't so lucky with the old job malarkey!  Anyhow, due to the sudden Fondant Fancy incident last week (OMG has it only been a week since GN was fired?),  Gym Ninja's first 'Signing On' day was Tuesday (yesterday). This is, despite the fact that the Nasty Place have yet to process her application nor decide whether she can claim. But hell, let's ask Gym Ninja to come in and feel degraded anyhow eh?

Gym Ninja had been busy in the morning sending off her CV to some places, and finishing off some research for future 'fitness ventures'. It sounds terribly exciting doesn't it? 'Fitness ventures'...hmm......anyway, that and fielding some barbed comments/nice comments/plain nasty comments/gushingly positive comments about her photos again. So, just after lunch GN popped to visit her 2 year old Niece before having to report for Humiliation at The Nasty Place. Gym Ninja's  niece was busy playing with a box set of 10 mini Nails Inc nail polishes that Gym Ninja had left at the house. By playing GN meant her niece was lining them up, and assigning various coloured polishes to people in the family. Gym Ninja was apparently the purply violet nail polish (on the far right of the photo in the link) in case you were wondering.......?

"Have you got a job yet?" Asked the Ninja Niece.

"Er, no not yet Dumpling" Answered Gym Ninja.

"Didn't you ask the zoo if you could look after the baby elephants?" Enquired Ninja Niece.

"No.." Said Gym Ninja, feeling a bit bad for not doing what her 2 year old niece had suggested..... Funny how everyone wants to help you find a job eh? Gym Ninja made a mental note to enquire about elephant jobs at the Nasty Place later...

The Nasty Place.

T'was 3pm when Gym Ninja scurried through the doors of the Nasty Place, her eyes darting around to ensure nobody who knew her had seen her come into such an icky place.

"You were here the other day weren't you?" Boomed the Security Guy on the door.

Yeh..a 'Security guy'. Rough as Fooook here!

"Head upstairs and sign on!"

Great. Keep the noise down why doncha? There must be a road 5 miles away that didn't hear you announce Gym Ninja's arrival...pah!

Gym Ninja sloped upstairs and was told to take a seat. GN looked at the gaggle of stained seats filled to capacity with scallied up chavs and decided to sit far far away near the exit on a chair. Pah!

5 minutes later and Gym Ninja heard her name being shouted out.
STOP letting everyone know Gym Ninja is here! FFS!

Gym NInja stood up and headed to the desks to locate the person who had summonsed her....


T'was only the one decent person who worked at the Nasty Place that GN remembered from last time. An older guy. Used to be a Lawyer and who always seemed as traumatised as GN was to be in the Nasty Place even though he worked there!

"Ahh, I remember you!" Said Gym Ninja as she approached the desk.

Lawyer (as we shall call him seeing as he used to be one) looked somewhat concerned.

"Oh, I don't like the sound of that! Is that good or bad?" He answered, smiling,

So  thus followed a very 'untraumatising' signing on session to be fair. Gym Ninja explained to the Lawyer what had happened to her regarding losing her job..

"Ah yes" He said nodding his head wisely.."You see because you'd asked to see an Occupational Therapist about your car and driving pain, they'd probably decided you would cost them in sick pay so they fired you before it happened!"

'I'll try and make this as painless as possible for you" He said.

Awww, see? What a NICE man!

He then regaled GN with his own story. He'd been a hot-shot lawyer with 2 houses, fast cars, a girlfriend younger than him (hmm, perhaps only other men are impressed by this??) etc etc, and then within 3 weeks it had all gone as his business partner had stitched him up and syphoned all their money!

"Do you drink?" He asked.

Gym Ninja shook her head.

"Good. Best not to. Some people turn to drink in times like this....I did. I even lost my hair because of the shock of it all. Dark times.." He stared off into the middle distance.....

Once he saw Gym Ninja planned on fitness as her next move he perked up.

"Good! People these days are just SLOBS! They sit there in front of the TV eating and drinking and then wonder why they look the way they do!" He said, his eyes flicking towards a large man sat at the next desk.

Cor blimey! Who'd have thought GN would stumble upon a fitness fan here at the Nasty Place eh?

Turned out Lawyers son is a fitness freak. he works as a Stunt man in Hollywood (wow!) and was working as a stunt man on the Spiderman films. He's also a Free Runner and can do a backwards flip from standing without using his arms for momentum. He's also a Free Runner and can get half way up a wall without falling off it.

See? The Nasty Place CAN be interesting after all! Gym Ninja liked the sound of the son.....mmmmmm, 6 foot 2 you say?

So after the ordeal, GN headed to the gym for an Upper Body workout. Her mood had started to slip (despite the best efforts of Lawyer to cheer her up, GN was still in the predicament of having no job & it is a tad scary!).


Turn the AIRCON ON!

It must be about 3 years since the gym actually switched the Air Con on to such a level that it felt cold. At most, they have it so it just takes the edge of sweltering into 'stuffily uncomfortable' and it wasn't even at that level today. Grrr. NOT helping the cranky mood! Plus, GN had fastened her sports bra too tight & it was slowly crushing her chest (if that is indeed possible, which in fairness probably isn't...).
Gym Ninja headed to the A Frame to grab a set of 10kg dumbbells and as she did so, peered out of the window that overlooks the pool area.


Why does GN never learn? It is NEVER good to view people in the Hydropool aka giant jacuzzi aka 'germ swapping bath'. Gym Ninja looked down at the exact moment a large furry man (these hairy guys sure do love communal bathing don't they?) decided to spin around with a herrrruge smile on his face as the bubbles of the hydropool jets (at least that's what GN is HOPING they were caused by) gushed around him. The bubbles hid any clothing on him and made him appear naked, but for the mass of yeti body hair.

Bleurrh. Naked yeti in the hydropool! Time to finish off this workout and leave!!!!!!!

Be sure to tune in tomorrow folks, when Gym Ninja regales you with her Farmer Ninja story, plus maybe a few motivational fitness comments here and there!

Toodle pip!

Gym Ninja x

Tuesday, 18 May 2010

Return to the Gym...

Hello Ninjarettes.

It appears that the Blog has had almost double the amount of hits as usual today. Gym Ninja thinks it is thanks to the very lovely JAG who has been so sweet to Gym Ninja about her photos from the photo shoot & maybe people were taking a peek to see if the photos were here? How disappointing to only find the photo of Gym Ninja bundled up like Kenny from Southpark at the Car Boot Sale blog.  But you all KNOW That GN is a day behind with her blogging remember. In fact the photos of the shoot only came through yesterday evening (surprisingly faster than GN had expected) so you're not THAT far patient Ninjarettes....

Anyhow...back to yesterday and the gym visit. After all, this is technically supposedly a gym-based blog eh?

After a  fair few hours job hunting and errand running yesterday, Gym Ninja packed her bag and headed to the gym. Leg day! Wooohooo!  Plus it was the first day back training after the Fondant Fancy Day and also the enforced 5 days of rest that had been pre-planned. GN get's a lot of encouragement from Twitter funnily enough. Sometimes when you are trying to stay motivated with the gym and healthy eating, yet are surrounded by people who do not share your passions (Muggles!), it can be hard going. On Twitter, Gym Ninja has found some fabulous gym addicts and they have become virtual reality chums who motivate GN when she needs a boost (and vice versa of course). Worth looking there and typing in some keywords to find like-minded people to follow.

Anyhow, GN had decided that she is now ready to take her body to the next level. Sounds exciting eh? But what does it mean? Well......GN isn't sure. But it sounds good and it is effectively saying her physique is a 'work in progress' which is true for all of us.  Our outside physical body is a reflection of what we eat and drink, how we spend our time (as in if we are active or sedentary) and what we think of ourselves (how groomed or unkempt we are). So rather than have the 'work in progress' go downhill, Gym Ninja wants to keep pushing herself so it continues to improve and get healthier and stronger. Remember that getting older may be inevitable, but getting what is deemed as the 'signs' of getting older that everyone says is due to age (like weight gain, aching joints, dull lifeless skin, lack of energy) is in fact due to how you treat yourself and what you eat/how often you shift yer arse (!) etc.

Okey dokey...back to it. So Gym Ninja got to the gym and sweated her way through a run. Yeh GN does the cardio first. Most people are better off getting their weights session done prior to cardio, however for whatever reason GN doesn't function as well that way around so instead does the cardio THEN weights pattern.  Then it was up to work on the legs baby!!!!!

Leg Press. Plates loaded! Concentration face on. GO! Ahhh, leggies LOVE the leg press. Then it was to the womens section to get some space and work the hammies using barbells.

Once in the free weight area, Gym Ninja carefully cleared a space by the mirrors. Dumbbells were moved, a was a bench and some mats. Then GN walked over to get a barbell, turned around and.......


A girl had taken the space having watched GN tidy it up. Hmm. Gee thanks! o now GN had to find another space elsewhere, grrr......

As GN was walking to get a heavier bar, a girl spoke to her.....the girl who had stolen GN's previous space. 'Space Thief!'

"Are you using these?" Asked Space Thief, pointing to some bright yellow cotton-bud sized dumbbells about 3 miles into the distance. Gym Ninja looked into the distance at the far-away dumbbells. Gym Ninja then looked down at the barbell in her hands that she WAS using...

".......No...." Answered Gym Ninja, trying to remain anything but sarcastic.  Shame she hadn't been so thoughtful when it came to the SPACE eh?

However the workout progressed well, and Gym Ninja was only distracted once more, this time by Trotter. Now Trotter had been in before. She is a proper fidget! Does shoulder presses whilst trotting backwards and forwards like a show pony prancing. Does the same foot shuffle when doing biceps curls too. Freaky to watch. Bizarre even!

After a fantastic 'wakey wakey we're training again'  shock to the legs, Gym Ninja stretched out and went home.

Mid evening, as GN was working through a programme for a new client, an email popped up in her inbox....

THE PHOTOS!!!!!!!!!


Gym Ninja was not expecting them so quickly and was so excited (and nervous) about opening the, with a deep breath, the email was opened....

*cue shiny reflective glow from computer screen & angelic chorus music*


Gym Ninja was not expecting those. But Gym Ninja wasn't sure. Did she like them? Did she not?

Aesthetically they are so pretty and colourful. However the thing that bugged Gym Ninja was....Gym Ninja! Yep! Gym Ninja's face to be precise!  Goddamit Gym Ninja, you HAD To bring your face onto the photos! Why?

Now don't get GN wrong...she lives with her face and it scrubs up ok. However GN CANNOT pout properly unless she does so in the mirror. Without a mirror her face will not obey. Hence the odd sucking lemon pout face that was on the photos...oh that and the fact that GN really should have asked for a darker lipstick. GN is used to seeing her lips and they were pale in the photos. the body.....the photographer had airbrushed her skintone to a beautiful even glow. Fantastic. But this also meant that GN's muscle tone was not as obvious as it is in everyday life. GN had to wrestle with her feelings about this, as obviously she works hard and needs people to know that when she says she is lifting weights, she IS lifting! Would people think so seeing the pix? Would they think she is shapeless and soft?

But then, a friend messaged Gym Ninja having seen the pictures. The friend said she found them inspirational. That got GN thinking.....the photographer knows what she is doing. She does it all the time & her other work is stunningly beautiful which is why Gym Ninja booked her. (Plus, it's hardly the photographers fault Gym Ninja cannot pose on photos now is it???) The image and style of the photos would not sit right with some 'cut/ripped' look. It is designed to be a beautiful image & if some women saw too much definition they may fear they may end up like that? Not everyone wants that look, and it took this comment from her friend for Gym Ninja to realise that.  So, as the evening progressed, Gym Ninja grew to like her photos....she then picked favourites. SHAME ON GYM NINJA! Favourites! Tisk. Good job GN has no children eh?

So with 3 'favourites' picked, she emailed them off to a competition she'd planned on entering. Will GN win? Probably not. But sometimes it's the taking part. Yeh that may sound '*stupid/faffy/heard it all before' (*delete as applicable)  but if it gives GN a boost even for a few days then it's worth it.  Of course, GN has had a fair few negative comments about the pictures too. To be expected of course. Some have the truth in them and some don't. Some comments were clearly supposed to be nice yet had an undercurrent of nastiness to them. THESE were the troubling ones. If you hate a photo, say so. No need to be nasty about it. Just be truthful. But to pretend it is wonderful and yet so obviously throw in back-handed comments to bring GN down? Please...don't bother! Go and get your own photos done. Get them done and pick holes in your own!

So....Gym Ninja cannot post the photos here. Past episodes of 'Haters' render this impossible. However....if some of you DO want to view the pics and haven't already done so...if you are clever, then maybe there is a 'friendly Blogger' who may be able to send you a link should you wish to peek at them?  ;-)

Gym Ninja x

Made it! Phew!

You all thought Gym Ninja wasn't gonna blog today eh? Well, it was a close call. Busy busy busy busy busy Ninja! 

How is that? How can one be SO busy despite being Fondant Fancied? Ah well....

So, we are a day behind in factual updates, so allow Gym Ninja to bring you back to Sunday....

*cue whirly going back in time music*

Sunday Car Boot Palava!


4.55am and Gym Ninja's alarm went off. On a SUNDAY! How very rude!
However, being jobless GN needs to raise cash and what better way (OK, so there ARE better ways) to do it than selling old tat at a car boot sale?  Gym Ninja had 45 minutes to get ready, eat breakfast (porridge mixed with Maximuscle Promax protein powder) and drive the stuffed-to-bursting Ninjamobile to collect Mum Ninja and her junk (ahem, quality second hand goods) before heading off to the  carboot site.

6.20am and GN and her mum pulled up at the venue and parked in the field. A very open, exposed field near the sea.  That'd be a field with NO shelter bear this in mind for later.

GN and her mum set up their table and deposited all their stuff over it whilst 'Dealers' circled like sharks. Cor blimey it was cold! Gym Ninja had a tracksuit on (had been advised to dress like a chav!) and over that a long sweatshirt with her hood up, plus a hat, and over THAT a zip up know, to 'blend in' aka Eastenders market stall stylee...

Looks cold eh? IT WAS!!!!!!!

So began the rummaging and bargaining. Gym Ninja had 'over-priced' her goods so that when they bargained her down she'd actually get the real price she wanted. It worked a treat! 

"What's wrong with the sat nav?" Enquired a Dealer

"It's broken. I left it in the glove box on a hot day in Port Talbot and it died of suffocation!" Replied Gym Ninja

"What's wrong with the camera?" Asked another.

"Er I dropped it!" Said Gym Ninja.

"Does the steamer work?" Enquired another Dealer.

"No....." Sighed Gym Ninja. Like come ON! If any of this stuff worked would GN be selling it?

Opposite GN and her mum was a huge white van being unloaded by a rough looking family. 10 bottles of Pepsi....a mount of tinned goods...a rocking horse....some clothes....and a plastic kids painting easel with a hand drawn sign that said..


What? WHY would anyone think that a car boot sale seller who draw signs on a kids easel would offer them the most competitive price on gold??????

One of the items on Gym Ninja's table was the empty box belonging to her work phone...inside was a computer cable for it and the charger and instruction book. Gym Ninja figured that she may a well flog them! On the box said *booklet, cable and charger £3* so people would know it was just those items..

There must have been 35 people throughout the morning who opened the box, rummaged in it and then said...'Where's the phone?'

What....a brand new Nokia for £3? Really? Gym Ninja's mum thought it was hysterical! Especially when one guy, looking at the type of phone it was (or wasn't as the case may be seeing as it wasn't in the box) said..

"Oh, it's like one of them Blueberries innit?"

Gym Ninja's mum dived under the table in a fit of laughter as GN tried to keep a straight face and refrain from saying 'You mean BLACKberry'?

Half way through the morning & Gym Ninja and Mum Ninja were almost frozen to death. They'd picked a spot that was like a wind tunnel and their feet had started to freeze. To make matters worse, there were no loos and GN REALLY needed to go! No warming cup of tea for GN in case it tipped her over the edge!

To sum up the people, please see the pic below...

 Yeh...she had a dog in her trolley.........

Also on Gym Ninja's table was a salad spinner. Much to Mum Ninja's amusement (yeh, Mum Ninja finds many things funny!) every 20 minutes someone would pick he lid off the salad spinner and peer inside...why? Did they expcect salad in there? Gym Ninja wanted to use the iTOOT farting noise app on her iPhone on the next nosey Salad Spinner peeker, but her mum banned her!

Gym Ninja had 2 old work briefcases (from other jobs) for sale at bargain prices. One was a pull along Pilots case for a laptop.  A foreign guy was playing with it, unzipping the compartments for the laptop and pen sections..

"Eeez zis for ze holidays?" He asked, unzipping a pocket at the front.

"Can I use ziz for holidays?" He repeated.

'Yeh, holidays, business, mostly business but yeh, holidays" Said Gym Ninja, desperate for a sale.  Oh and yeh...he bought it (but GN knocked off a few quid as she felt guilty!)

By 11.30am Gym Ninja and her mum were close to death through sheer cold. A few hours before, GN had been SO cold she'd attempted to wear one of the jumpers her mum had put for sale on the stand, & sneaked into the car to put it on.


Gym Ninja forgot about her outsized head! Yeh, not only does GN have a long body and short legs, but a huge head too and the head would NOT fit through the hole. To begin with GN actually thought she was stuffing her head through a sleeve until she realised otherwise. Again, Mum Ninja though this was hysterical.......

By 11.30am GN and her mum had given up and packed up the car. GN only managed to make £40 but that's almost 2 whole boxes of Promax Diet better than nothing eh?

Tomorrow will be a gym blog so rest assured normal service will be resumed......until then, sleep tight Ninjarettes!

Gym Ninja x

Sunday, 16 May 2010

Double whammy

OK, so please DO bear with Gym Ninja for missing yet another blog post. It is terribly frantic being Fondant Fancied & GN seems to have difficulty finding the time to get anything done lately.

Anyhow, GN is here now, so settle down and have a catch up.
HANG ON..........
That's not a biscuit in your hand is it? Hmmm.....OK so where were we?


Saturday appeared *ping* as if out of nowhere. No Saturday Slaughter Session for Gym Ninja as she is currently on her 5 day break from the gym (periodization technique) and also, the Fab Instructor for Spin is on holiday. No point really is there? Plus, GN had promised her now 'ex-work colleague' that she'd stand in as the willing victim/client as she did her Practical Gym Instructors Exam.

So after much faffing and a spot of online job mooching, Gym Ninja got in the Ninjamobile and headed out on the hour's drive to reach the location of her friend's exam.  Once there and chatting to her friend, her friend's tutor came over to say hi. The tutor had been Gym Ninja's examiner one time too.

"Hey, how's it going?" Asked the Tutor smiling at Gym Ninja, before looking back and forth between GN and her mate, before the penny dropped.
"Oh...oh I see, are you her client for the exam? Great stuff!"
*cheesy grin*
"So how are things?"

GN then proceeded to explain about the Fondant Fancy situation and then finished with...
"So I guess I am needing to sort out my own PT Business fast!!!"

Tutor rubbed his hands together.
"Nowt like being thrown in at the deep end!" He said, before walking off...

Half an hour later GN's friend's examiner walked over, then did the same 'penny dropping' calculation as the Tutor had done. It was only the examiner who had taken Gym Ninja's final big Personal Trainer Practical Assessment. You remember, the one, who crammed half an Easter Egg in his mouth during Gym Ninja's demo of the PIR hamstring stretch?

He also asked how Gym Ninja was doing, so GN again mentioned the Fondant Fancy situation..

"Great stuff! That's fantastic!" He beamed. it isn't really is it?

" your chocolate stash today?" Asked Gym Ninja, raising her eyebrow.

The Examiner looked sheepish..."Er, no I haven't...but I do have one of THESE! They are AMAZING!"  

With that, he held up a large Smoothie. FULL of sugar, the Examiner's eyes were wide as saucers which is kind of what gave the sugar rush away somewhat...

And so began Gym Ninja's Friend's exam...

Now it is kind of tough being the one being coached when usually it is Gym Ninja who gets to boss the person around. It is also very difficult to play 'inexperienced' person in a gym as instinct takes over & GN found herself on a few occasions helping her Friend tidy up the free weight area and reminding her of things she may have forgotten. Ooops! Also, there was a big problem...

The Gym People!

Yep-like some sort of comedy Gym show, every 'stereotype' of MALE Gym Person was in there that day.  Gym Ninja spotted the following:

Barrel Boy
The hulking guy carrying two invisible barrels under each arm.

The Cube
As broad as he's long, a very stocky cube-shaped man

Cotton Legs
Huge upper body, cotton strands for legs...

Need Gym Ninja say more? Work it baby!

Ridges across the face where a blade cut him, & draped in gold chains

Roid Rager
Juiced to the max courtesy of steroids.

Breathe on him and he'd fall over he's so skinny

Herrruge and chubby

Soggy Man
Sweat streaming off him like a tsunami.

Phew! SO many distractions.

GN's friend started off by demo-ing the Squat. Then GN had to do the squat. Now, if GN remembers correctly, the examiner does enjoy watching leg work? It seemed whenever GN did the exam or was the client for a colleague, that this particular guy really did like to watch the leg work! Yep....3 sets were asked for...grrr. Stop it! GN is feeling lazy today! They moved on and did some other exercisesm Gym Ninja trying to stop her eyes from wandering to see what the other Gym Folk were doing...

Chubba was on the next machine whilst GN's friend was trying to demo the cable Biceps Curl to her. Chubba was using the Pec Deck as a seat whilst on his mobile in a Don Jolie kind of a 'HELLO????????' way.....shhh Chubba! You're very distracting!

But Gym Ninja was soon snapped back into the moment when she suddenly heard her friend say...
"So the Biceps Cable curl works these muscles here...which gives you bilging bullceps..."



What are bullceps? Why do they 'bilge'? Oh wait!

"Er......pssst. You said 'bilging bullceps', instead of bulging biceps!!!!" Whispered Gym Ninja to her friend so that the examiner wouldn't hear.

That was it! Both GN and her friend collapsed into giggles, made all the worse by the seriousness of the exam situation...

During the Lateral Dumbbell Raise, GN had a devil of a job focussing, as in front of them both was a very Bendy Wendy on the mats. Bendy Wendy was doing the splits in a form of advanced (!) stretching technique. Over and over and over again...splits from the front, splits from the side, splits every which way. STOP with the freaky bendiness!

Gym Ninja closed her eyes whilst performing the exercise.

"Er, what are you doing?" Asked her Friend.

"I can't look. Bendy Wendy is putting me off! It's like a freak show in here today" Explained Gym Ninja, her eyes screwed shut.

"Yeh, I think we ALL now know she can do the splits eh?" replied her Friend....then trod on GN's foot so she'd open her eyes again. Spoilsport!

Then Gym Ninja was made to get on the Lying Hamstring Curl machine. Great. Arse in the air time! The Friend made a big deal of adjusting the foot pad. Gym Ninja has very short legs and a long body yet is slightly taller than her friend. However her friend couldn't understand why the pad needed shortening so much..

"But you're taller than I am!" She said, looking puzzled as she wrestled with the pad.

"Yeh I know, but as I've explained, I have a long body and shorter legs" Hissed Gym Ninja, feeling  a bit like one of the freaky gym folk  herself by now.

"OMG how short must your legs be? Seriously? You need it THIS short? OMG I never knew. Short legs...hahahahaha, teeny short legs.." Laughed the Friend.

Gy NInja has short legs. Get OVER it already! *tisk*
Of course, being a leg exercise, the Examiner made GN do a billion sets of reps. Grrr again!

Then poor GN had to muster up the energy to do some cardio. Bugger! GN had forgotten about that!
*Moan moan moan moan moan moan moan*, went GN, huffing and puffing her way through a run, until the Examiner must have gotten fed up of the moaning and cut the session short. Stretches were done and that was that!

He then hot footed it back to the room to pick up his Smoothie, sucking it dry!
"Hmm, I wonder if I've any chocolate in here?'" He muttered as GN and her friend finished up and left.

SO..good news! Gym Ninja's friend passed! YAY! Thank GOD for that! Make's a Ninja's BULLCEPS BILGE that does.... ;-)

Now tune in tomorrow (promise!) as Gym Ninja will be doing a non-gym blog again about today's (Sunday's) activities....a CAR BOOT SALE! EEEEK!

Gym Ninja x