Thursday, 13 May 2010

Photo Ninja (non gym blog)


After yesterday's traumatic events (!) Gym Ninja had signed off the blog in a relatively positive mood. 'Things happen for a reason' as they say. So, after a last run-through of photo shoot outfits, GN packed up the stuff and headed off to bed to sleep herself pretty for Wednesday's photoshoot.

Gym Ninja's eyes opened right up wide.....

Well hellooooooooo 'Mr Insomnia'! Nice of you to show up & dance about in Gym Ninja's head.  Oh and what's this? You've brought your good friend 'Panicky Pants' too? You ARE spoiling Gym Ninja. Yeh sure, why not let the thought of not having a job nor cash ruin any last chance of sleep before the photo shoot. Hell yeh, why not remind GN that work (or ex-work) are couriering a box of junk from the Blandmobile to her before 9am the next day, which means  GN cannot lie in either.

Thus consequently, Gym Ninja had about 5 hours tops of broken sleep, leaving her ready and  with ringed eyes looking perfect for a 'Pandas in Peril' style photo shoot theme! Grrrr. To make matters worse, GN was fretting about driving to Birmingham with NO make up on. NONE!

Now GN is a high maintenance gal who was brought up to believe that getting ready to leave the house involves make up as part of the every day grooming regime. It's vital and shows you care about yourself in GN world. Gym Ninja, when having an 'anxiety' dream, often dreams about leaving the house without make up so you can imagine how horrid the thought of a 2 hour face-free journey was to GN? Anxiety dream made real!!!!!

The first 'test' today was when the courier delivered the big box of junk from her old work...was it just GN or did he recoil in horror at her unmade up face?  Oh and as you can see, there was a LOT of junk that GN had abandoned in the Blandmobile yesterday....the box was waist high!

So, with her photo outfit bags x 3  packed & a crate of chrome dumbbells too, and a cap pulled down low over GN's 'real' face to hide it , GN set out in the Mini Cooper for the you can see, GN doesn't travel, red, white bags of stuff and a crate of weights filled the entire boot!

 The journey was VERY traumatic! Gym Ninja needed to stop twice and that meant getting out of the car with NO FACE and walking through the Motorway Services. GN's cap was pulled so low, she couldn't see anything either which meant she nearly got run over by a passing car...eeek! Gym Ninja would seriously rather parade across the Motorway in her lingerie than with no make up on *sob* . When will Balaclavas ever come back in fashion as GN really needed one today!!!!

After 2 hours GN arrived at the location & was greeted by the female photographer who helped GN unload her stuff. Then it was straight in, kettle on and the MAC Make up artist was primed ready to wield her magic. Meanwhile, Gym Ninja managed to go from neat to wrecked in 3 seconds flat as she unpacked all her bags on the floor and attempted to explain her 'ideas' to the lovely patient photographer. Then, with a mug of tea, it was time to make GN look human....

"I may look awful now", Explained Gym Ninja desperate to justify her ugliness, "But once you start to draw in where my features should be I scrub up ok!"  The Make up girl didn't look convinced..and she began by attempting a covering up of GN's Panda eye patches...........

"What kind of look do you want?" Asked the Make up girl?

At this, Gym Ninja felt startled. WHAT? Questions and decisions? GN didn't expect this! 

"Well, it's like this!..." Says GN. 
The make up girl listens patiently...

"I'm doing a fitness themed shoot....but I don't want any of this 'natural look malarkey that fitness usually has!" 

The make up girl stared at GN. Bless. Did she understand where GN was coming from though as GN did sound mental? Hmmm, so GN decided to explain a bit more just so she knew...

"I need you to trowel it on! I don't believe in the natural look. I want to be glam! Fitness doesn't have to be ugly! BIG smoky eyes and pales lips please!" Gym Ninja beamed!

The girl nodded. 
"When you say smokey what like? DARK black smokey eyes?"


MORE questions, or merely a 'Panda-inspired' pun due to the dark rings under GN's eyes? GN is SO bad at making decisions. She LOVES dark smokey eyes and yet maybe that is a tad too much for even GN on a gym shoot??? Best err on the side of drag queen caution...

"Er..." Said GN.

"How about smokey colours blended?" Suggested the make up girl helpfully.

THANK GOD she is very professional and knows her stuff. What a fantastic idea! GN nodded and off she went on her quest to draw on a face,,,,

Gym Ninja started to make conversation with the Make Up girl about her inability to wear false lashes as GN thinks her eyes are too round and cartoon-like. The make up girl was terribly polite and said it was merely a practice thing. So now  GN is going to sign up for lash gluing lessons at her local MAC store asap! Exciting!  

Within half an hour Gym Ninja was done!! YAY!  VERY relaxing too as GN nearly fell asleep as she was being made human again. . A quick spritz and ruffle of the hair and it was time to see in the mirror.....oooer! What will she see?????

WOW. The make up artist had done amazing eyes and had used blues and golds! Cor blimey! Not expected that and yet with the expertly applied and glued successfully (!) false lashes the length of draught excluders (yep, that long!) GN could again look in the mirror without having to view her reflection through parted fingers...oh and she'd done blusher too. It's years since GN wore blusher! Fab!

Now it was time for the outfits and the photos...

It was agreed there would be two sensible (!) outfits for the impending Personal Training website. A black crop top/leggings combo and a red version too. With trainers (bah!). This is a problem GN has with fitness. Trainers, Ugly things!   It was decided the chrome dumbbells would be used too.....


Gym Ninja was instructed on how to stand and look (thank GOD as GN is terribly bad at stuff like this). Hmm, this dumbbell sure is heavy when having to hold it still mid curl.....

Then it was time for the red sensible outfit......however, GN's secret exciting side had sabotaged her efforts an mislaid the red crop top (YAY!) which meant that a red bikini top had to be used instead. SO 'sensible' became a bit more interesting, ahem!...

The photographer pulled out a Gym Swiss Ball (not from anywhere intimate might GN add, but from behind a chair). Gym Ninja was to sit on the ball and again curl a dumbbell. 

BUGGER! Gym Ninja is all wobbly on the ball! Wobble wobble wobble wobble. Hmm, maybe that can be seen as an 'action' shot....?

Anyway, a few snaps later and it was time for the fun shots. The fitness pics that can be used to market various exercise styles and maybe even for promotions? THE FUN ONES! YAY! 

Thus followed a parade of various skimpy outfits with loosely held together themes such as GI Jane, Boxing Girl, and Retro Gym. Accessories included a resistance band for GI Jane and some boxing gloves for the boxing girl. Oh and lime green legwarmers for the retro look (!).

Then, the finale!


Gym Ninja had brought her 'Whatever I ask for I get when wearing this' bikini. 
All girls have one. You know what Gym Ninja means ladies! The one that is schmmmmokin'!!!!!!!!!

Gym Ninja's bikini is an innocent looking American stars & stripes string bikini. That'd be until it is put on, and then it changes, hulk-like into something FAR darker! Mwhahahahaha!  Well, if you're having a shoot may as well have a fab pic eh? Time to rev it up a notch!

All too soon the shoot was over. It was SOOOOOOO much fun!  The photographer guided Gym Ninja throughout, was patient when GN was struck by an attack of spaz-itis and was very good at explaining how GN needed to shove her bum into the wall to get her back to arch in a nice way. Gym Ninja is now considering always shoving her bum into any nearby walls from now on.......

So,..... the photos? Well GN hasn't seen them yet! They will be dropping into GN's inbox in about 2 weeks having been narrowed down to 8 glorious (fingers crossed) shots. YAY!

Then it was homeward bound for Gym Ninja, this time in false lashes and a far more confident state of mind...