Sunday, 16 May 2010

Double whammy

OK, so please DO bear with Gym Ninja for missing yet another blog post. It is terribly frantic being Fondant Fancied & GN seems to have difficulty finding the time to get anything done lately.

Anyhow, GN is here now, so settle down and have a catch up.
HANG ON..........
That's not a biscuit in your hand is it? Hmmm.....OK so where were we?


Saturday appeared *ping* as if out of nowhere. No Saturday Slaughter Session for Gym Ninja as she is currently on her 5 day break from the gym (periodization technique) and also, the Fab Instructor for Spin is on holiday. No point really is there? Plus, GN had promised her now 'ex-work colleague' that she'd stand in as the willing victim/client as she did her Practical Gym Instructors Exam.

So after much faffing and a spot of online job mooching, Gym Ninja got in the Ninjamobile and headed out on the hour's drive to reach the location of her friend's exam.  Once there and chatting to her friend, her friend's tutor came over to say hi. The tutor had been Gym Ninja's examiner one time too.

"Hey, how's it going?" Asked the Tutor smiling at Gym Ninja, before looking back and forth between GN and her mate, before the penny dropped.
"Oh...oh I see, are you her client for the exam? Great stuff!"
*cheesy grin*
"So how are things?"

GN then proceeded to explain about the Fondant Fancy situation and then finished with...
"So I guess I am needing to sort out my own PT Business fast!!!"

Tutor rubbed his hands together.
"Nowt like being thrown in at the deep end!" He said, before walking off...

Half an hour later GN's friend's examiner walked over, then did the same 'penny dropping' calculation as the Tutor had done. It was only the examiner who had taken Gym Ninja's final big Personal Trainer Practical Assessment. You remember, the one, who crammed half an Easter Egg in his mouth during Gym Ninja's demo of the PIR hamstring stretch?

He also asked how Gym Ninja was doing, so GN again mentioned the Fondant Fancy situation..

"Great stuff! That's fantastic!" He beamed. it isn't really is it?

" your chocolate stash today?" Asked Gym Ninja, raising her eyebrow.

The Examiner looked sheepish..."Er, no I haven't...but I do have one of THESE! They are AMAZING!"  

With that, he held up a large Smoothie. FULL of sugar, the Examiner's eyes were wide as saucers which is kind of what gave the sugar rush away somewhat...

And so began Gym Ninja's Friend's exam...

Now it is kind of tough being the one being coached when usually it is Gym Ninja who gets to boss the person around. It is also very difficult to play 'inexperienced' person in a gym as instinct takes over & GN found herself on a few occasions helping her Friend tidy up the free weight area and reminding her of things she may have forgotten. Ooops! Also, there was a big problem...

The Gym People!

Yep-like some sort of comedy Gym show, every 'stereotype' of MALE Gym Person was in there that day.  Gym Ninja spotted the following:

Barrel Boy
The hulking guy carrying two invisible barrels under each arm.

The Cube
As broad as he's long, a very stocky cube-shaped man

Cotton Legs
Huge upper body, cotton strands for legs...

Need Gym Ninja say more? Work it baby!

Ridges across the face where a blade cut him, & draped in gold chains

Roid Rager
Juiced to the max courtesy of steroids.

Breathe on him and he'd fall over he's so skinny

Herrruge and chubby

Soggy Man
Sweat streaming off him like a tsunami.

Phew! SO many distractions.

GN's friend started off by demo-ing the Squat. Then GN had to do the squat. Now, if GN remembers correctly, the examiner does enjoy watching leg work? It seemed whenever GN did the exam or was the client for a colleague, that this particular guy really did like to watch the leg work! Yep....3 sets were asked for...grrr. Stop it! GN is feeling lazy today! They moved on and did some other exercisesm Gym Ninja trying to stop her eyes from wandering to see what the other Gym Folk were doing...

Chubba was on the next machine whilst GN's friend was trying to demo the cable Biceps Curl to her. Chubba was using the Pec Deck as a seat whilst on his mobile in a Don Jolie kind of a 'HELLO????????' way.....shhh Chubba! You're very distracting!

But Gym Ninja was soon snapped back into the moment when she suddenly heard her friend say...
"So the Biceps Cable curl works these muscles here...which gives you bilging bullceps..."



What are bullceps? Why do they 'bilge'? Oh wait!

"Er......pssst. You said 'bilging bullceps', instead of bulging biceps!!!!" Whispered Gym Ninja to her friend so that the examiner wouldn't hear.

That was it! Both GN and her friend collapsed into giggles, made all the worse by the seriousness of the exam situation...

During the Lateral Dumbbell Raise, GN had a devil of a job focussing, as in front of them both was a very Bendy Wendy on the mats. Bendy Wendy was doing the splits in a form of advanced (!) stretching technique. Over and over and over again...splits from the front, splits from the side, splits every which way. STOP with the freaky bendiness!

Gym Ninja closed her eyes whilst performing the exercise.

"Er, what are you doing?" Asked her Friend.

"I can't look. Bendy Wendy is putting me off! It's like a freak show in here today" Explained Gym Ninja, her eyes screwed shut.

"Yeh, I think we ALL now know she can do the splits eh?" replied her Friend....then trod on GN's foot so she'd open her eyes again. Spoilsport!

Then Gym Ninja was made to get on the Lying Hamstring Curl machine. Great. Arse in the air time! The Friend made a big deal of adjusting the foot pad. Gym Ninja has very short legs and a long body yet is slightly taller than her friend. However her friend couldn't understand why the pad needed shortening so much..

"But you're taller than I am!" She said, looking puzzled as she wrestled with the pad.

"Yeh I know, but as I've explained, I have a long body and shorter legs" Hissed Gym Ninja, feeling  a bit like one of the freaky gym folk  herself by now.

"OMG how short must your legs be? Seriously? You need it THIS short? OMG I never knew. Short legs...hahahahaha, teeny short legs.." Laughed the Friend.

Gy NInja has short legs. Get OVER it already! *tisk*
Of course, being a leg exercise, the Examiner made GN do a billion sets of reps. Grrr again!

Then poor GN had to muster up the energy to do some cardio. Bugger! GN had forgotten about that!
*Moan moan moan moan moan moan moan*, went GN, huffing and puffing her way through a run, until the Examiner must have gotten fed up of the moaning and cut the session short. Stretches were done and that was that!

He then hot footed it back to the room to pick up his Smoothie, sucking it dry!
"Hmm, I wonder if I've any chocolate in here?'" He muttered as GN and her friend finished up and left.

SO..good news! Gym Ninja's friend passed! YAY! Thank GOD for that! Make's a Ninja's BULLCEPS BILGE that does.... ;-)

Now tune in tomorrow (promise!) as Gym Ninja will be doing a non-gym blog again about today's (Sunday's) activities....a CAR BOOT SALE! EEEEK!

Gym Ninja x