Sunday, 30 May 2010

Back with a Vengeance! Saturday Slaughter Session

Having skipped the usual Saturday Slaughter Sessions the past 2 weeks due to other escapades (such as BodyPower), this weekend saw Gym Ninja return to her usual routine. To those unaware, it involves a one hour intense Spin Class (the only fitness 'class' GN will partake in) then a weights session.

Up & bursting with energy (gotta love the effects of Udos Oil already), Gym Ninja packed up her bag, slithered into her 'go-faster' lycra and pootled off to the Gym.

Ahead of Gym Ninja at the gym entrance was a Tall OAP. Freaky things Tall OAPs. This one was well over 6 foot....he walked through the door and promptly let it slam in GN's face!
Correction, Tall OAPs are both freaky and RUDE...

Gym Ninja warmed up with a 10 minute run. BCAAs were popped to preserve the lean muscle prior to such an intense workout, as was a cheeky energy shot in readiness for what lay ahead.  Then it was upstairs to the Spin Studio to take up residence on her usual Spin Bike. Woe betide anyone who may have taken it in her two week absence.

Warming up in the Spin Studio was Dangly Cross Earrings Man (who incidentally has never worn those earrings since so maybe needs a new name?) who takes the bike next to Gym Ninja's.  Pleasantries were exchanged...along the lines of..

"Where have you been for the past two weeks lazy arse?"

"Well hello to you too", Replied Gym Ninja, before explaining the reason for her absence (plus also mentioning the 'getting fired from her job' escapade).

Thus followed an oddball selection of conversational topics as the bikes were set up, mostly revolving around hairy people in the swimming pool, as Dangly had just been for a swim himself.

"I find it weird that the men with excessive body hair wear swim caps" Confided Dangly, screwing his face up in disgust. "There's this one guy who swims in the pool and he's covered in black hair! It's disgusting!"

"Soggy Teddy Man? Eww, yes I've seen him!" Remarked Gym Ninja. "He looks like a bear that fell in the water and his hair looks like it all knots up when it gets wet".

At that last comment, both Gym Ninja & Dangly went quiet, both horrified at the image that had just popped up in their image that was dissipated on arrival of the Fab Spin Instructor.

The room soon filled up with the regulars.. Bread Head was in, as was Clippy. Short Shorts sat on his usual bike, as did Mouth and Co (she brings a younger guy with her to every class and he sits there 'mute' throughout-hence now being recognised as 'and Co'). The lights were lowered, the stereo cranked up and off everyone went......

Holy Schmoly, the session was HARDCORE! Yet Gym Ninja's energy levels were high so the sweat just poured out, plastering her hair to her head (who's a Soggy Teddy now eh?). T'was as if Gym Ninja wore blinkers too, as she barely noticed Short Shorts with his out of rhythm bouncing around in front of her bike (very infuriating if you do notice it).

After an hour and nearly 600 cals later (not bad going for Gym Ninja's frame..calorie burn is linked with body weight you see) Gym Ninja staggered out, drenched in sweat and wondering why, despite using her padded gel seat cover, she still felt marginally violated by her Spin Bike?

But there was no time for resting. Not when energy levels were still bubbling. So, with more BCAAs popped, Gym Ninja began her leg workout.

Squats, Deadlifts, Lunges in various directions, Romanian deadlifts, Leg Press, Leg Extension, Hanging Roman Chair Alternate Leg Raises........Gym Ninja totally beasted her lower body until it could barely totter across the gym.

Whilst resting between sets, Gym Ninja took a peek out of the window overlooking the Hydropool and Main Swimming Pool.


Sat incredibly close together in a swirl of bubbling foamy water (bleuurr), were two men and one woman. It went 'man, man, woman' as the order they were sat in. Middle aged people, nothing to look at....and yet there was something a bit 'odd' about them. A 'vibe' they were giving out? Maybe they looked a bit too excited by the bubbles of the Hydropool? Was that it? Perhaps the fact they were sat SO incredibly close to each other? Maybe that was it? Or, perhaps it was all of these things, combined with the fact that one of the men had lifted his legs up so he jiggled in the bubbles? Either way, Gym Ninja really regretted looking out of the window!

Quick! Look away!


Gym Ninja's eyes rested upon Skins. Now Skins is a guy who manages to colour-match to perfection his swimming trunks to his skin tone, making him appear naked as he walks about around the pool. This is really not a good thing....and right up there with flesh toned lingerie in Gym Ninjas LIST OF BAD THINGS.  Gym Ninja snapped her head around....and was promptly met with a view of the Threesome again, who by now had become quite giggly and were stroking each others arms... Time to wind up this Gym Session! Gym Ninja quickly headed back to her barbell, finished off her moves and stretched out to finish. PHEW! Well done Gym Ninja!

Staggering down the stairs and into the Changing Rooms (always a sign of a good leg session when Gym Ninja walks like a baby giraffe) it was time for a  quick shower, running the risk of third degree burns should the showers again be at the water temperature of the sun. Luckily the water temperature was fine. However, Gym Ninja did not manage to nab the only shower cubicle that has all of the strip lighting above it and instead had to shower in near darkness in one of the others. PLEASE sort the lighting out? Gym Ninja does not wish to shower in darkness.

Once clean, dressed and ready to leave, Gym Ninja mixed up her usual refreshing  Promax protein shake in choc mint flavour, and then headed out of the door, freaking out about 3 guys training on the gym floor who had blatantly never seen a woman drink from a Protein Shaker bottle before....uhhr!

Until tomorrow Ninjarettes.....

Gym Ninja x