Saturday, 8 May 2010

Saturday Slaughter!!!!!!!!

Saturday Slaughter Session again! It feels like a lifetime since the last one no?

Today Gym Ninja found herself running late for her gym session. Nothing like feeling rushed to get oneself into the wrong frame of mind for a workout, so having stuffed her kit (plus Personal Training bag of evil & 'Dave the BOSU') into the car, Gym Ninja screeched into the car park and hurtled into the gym.

MADE IT! Phew!

Gym Ninja exchanged pleasantries with Dangly Cross Man as they set up their bikes ready for an hour of Advanced Spin. Gym Ninja then necked her energy shot and..


What IS this? Gym Ninja looked down and realised she'd not grabbed the usual TARGET Energy Shot off the shelf and instead had another brand that gave Gym Ninja 'Doll Eye' Now 'Doll Eye' is when the taste is so tart it makes  one eye close uncontrollably, akin to one of those old fashioned plastic dolls with the rattly eyes?

The Fab Instructor arrived and the room filled up-quite a mix today. Lots of Newbies in the room. The lights went off, the music blared out and off eveyone went on a hour of hellish Spin.  Gym Ninja noticed that a few of the women today had unsupported boobs. LADIES LADIES LADIES! You may think because you are cycling you have no need for a sports bra, but the tissue moves and jiggles and STRETCHES so you need to wear a sports bra even in Spin OK? If you don't you will end up with tennis balls in socks for boobs, or Snoopy Nose boobs!


Half way through the class, Gym Ninja was assaulted! Assaulted by an unknown 'Ahhh Bisto' person.  That is a person who has a stench that is SO strong you can almost see the vapors in the air.  Yuk! Not nice when one is gasping for air themselves.

After the Spin Class Gym Ninja decided to warm down on the Treadmill...but what did she find herself next to? Only a woman running whilst reading a magazine! Yep! RUNNING, with a trashy mag propped on the treadmill. How is that even possible? GN knows she WAS reading it as she kept turning the pages.   Also, as ever, the TVs had cookery shows on. Apparenty the world's most expensive TUNA was sold in January weighing a whopping 500lbs! It was sold for £110 MILLION! Wonder if John West bought it????????

Lower Body work followed the cardio (always better to train legs after cardio as if you train hard then it can mean your knees are vulnerable when running after training with weights) an Gym Ninja slammed them! Barbell squats, Romanian Deadlifts, one Legged Deadlifts, Lunges, Frontal Plane Lunges.Gym Ninja was walking like a baby foal after her session.

When safely staggered back to the changing room, Gym Ninja was greeted by the world's BIGGEST woman! She was like a GIANT! Far bigger than any of the previous giants GN has mentioned. She must have been about 6 foot 2" tall in her bare feet, quite chunky, and wearing a leopard print top and a visor! Gym Ninja felt like one of the Borrower Midget people when she walked past her....

After showering, GN was getting ready whilst standing in her bra, and touching up her make up/doing her hair at the mirrors near the changing room entrance, when an announcement came over the tannoy....

"Female First AIder to the Ladies Sauna!"

Golly! Maybe someone was melting in there? Gym Ninja leaned forward and did her mascara...yep. GN forgot she's a First Aider but as she doesn't work there then who is she to bother anyway?

A girl rushed into the changing rooms, past GN and towards the sauna. That'd be the First Aider.

Next minute, in rushes a MALE first aider.
Er..........hang fire! Gym Ninja is in her BRA here mr!

HOW annoying! Why can't there be a FIRE? Gym Ninja doesn't mind a Fireman rushing in..........

Once clothed and mascara'd up, Gym Ninja departed, onwards to her Personal Training Client who is doing remarkably well with her self-discipline, even proudly showing GN her healthily stocked fridge and freezer!!!!! The client is also besotted by Gym Ninja's BOSU (named Dave).  Gym Ninja finds naming her PT equipment helps make it easier for clients to swear at the stuff when things get tough...... and swear she did (albeit only in small doses).

Okey dokey, it's getting late and GN has to get up for a Groundhog Spin session in the morning.  Sorry for the abrupt end to the blog but never mind...plenty more blogging posts in the sea.. ;-)

Gym Ninja x