Saturday, 11 December 2010

Spintastic Ninja


Gym Ninja is rubbish at blogging isn't she? Pfft! Have you even returned? HAVE YOU?

Well Gym Ninja has a backlog of gym fodder for you, starting with.....oh ok, your favourite type of blog. A SPIN blog!

*cue cheers from the few of you who have bothered to turn up*

Gym Ninja did two spin sessions on two consecutive days. The typical Saturday Session was a long hard painful ride, reminiscent of a guy Gym Ninja once dated: Boring, uncomfortable and carried on far too long leaving Gym Ninja with painful nether regions...... so the next day Gym Ninja was determined to select a different bike.

Dangly came in and watched Gym Ninja faffing with bikes.

"You do realise the seats are different shapes" He said, a smug look on his face.

Gym Ninja stared at the seats. She was unaware of this. True to what Dangly said, there were indeed two distinctly different shapes of seats. One seat was smooth, and the other had a small channel down the middle.

"That'll be for guys" Said Dangly, pointing at the channel.

Gym Ninja looked blank...and then twigged. 
Oh God yeh, ahem, right.

"I see" Replied Gym Ninja, keen not to take that chat any further. "Right, I'd best get a smooth saddle, what with being a girl and all..."

But no.

Dangly didn't want to let it lie.

"You know WHY it's got that groove in it don't you?" He questioned.

"Yep, yeh no need to go into detail as I know how it works now!" retorted Gym Ninja as she rapidly unscrewed the seat with the ravine in it and replaced it with a smooth seat.

"It's for the BALL SACK!" At this, Dangly beamed.

Oh. Dear. God.

Gym Ninja winced. It was a Sunday. No need to talk ball sacks with Dangly Earring man. 

But would he let it go? No. Like a dog with a bone. 
"They kind of rest their ball sack in the gap, so it doesn't get all squashed. Obviously you women don't have those so you don't need them".


NO Biology lesson from Dangly please. How terribly awkward. Did Dangly think Gym Ninja was unaware of the difference between male and females or was Dangly actually double checking?

Right..........and so the class began and Gym Ninja, having fatigued herself doing a corker of a session the day before, found the class a tad more challenging and started to flag in the last 15 mins.  The Aircon wasn't working and the whole room was sodden with other people's sweat. Gym Ninja's sweat too of course, but this is ok as she is used to it. By minute 45 Gym Ninja looked as if she'd been for a swim.

The Instructor was about to start a track to run to. That's when you stand and sprint fast and have seated rest intervals. TORTURE!

"Who's finding it hot?" She shouted.

Gym Ninja made a hot sounding noise, obviously, and the Instructor looked over.

"Here, you are always getting too hot. Come up here on the podium and use my bike. YOU can take us for run intervals"


Everyone turned around and started to nod. Oh great, Just as Gym Ninja had planned to take it easy, she would now have to climb up onto a spotlit platform in front of everyone else and lead the sprints, which of course meant extra effort.  Gym Ninja sloped towards the podium...never one to miss an opportunity to make a bad situation worse, Gym Ninja decided to make the most of it.

"I'm available to hire you know, as a freelance Personal Trainer!" 

"Do you want to wear the head mic?" Asked Instructor. Gym Ninja looked at the battery powered mic and felt how sodden her hair was. Hmm, best not otherwise death via electrocution was a distinct possibility. 

Thus began the world's longest track..or so it seemed? Gym Ninja sprinted far longer and harder than she ever had done before, and so the class copied. Oops. Gym Ninja forgot they were copying her! By the time the track ended the class were almost dead.

At the end of the session Gym Ninja got a nice round of applause that appeased her ego (ahem) & after the cool down Gym Ninja walked across the Gym with Dangly.

"You did well" He said, begrudgingly. You have to love someone so negative all the time. But no, he wasn't about to be all nicey nice!

"I noticed you didn't want to wear the head mic for fear it'd mess your hair up though!" At this, Dangly smirked. 

Gym Ninja looked at Dangly and pointed at her hair, which was by now a total mess and plastered to her head. 

"Er, I think you'll find that's NOT why. My hair is already a mess".

Dangly nodded. "Yeh, looks like Furby hair!".

WHAAAAAAT? The cheek of the man!

Gym Ninja then finished off her cool down stretches and headed to the changing rooms, walking past the marathon runner who always mooches around the changing room area in freaky flesh toned underwear that makes her look, from a distance, like a censored pair of breasts (no nipples).  Flesh toned underwear. WHY? Unless you are wearing transparent clothing, then is it REALLY needed?????

Short and sweet but at least there IS a blog today! Gym Ninja MUST try harder!!!!