Hollow Legs

Today Gym Ninja had hollow legs.
Couldn't stop eating!
Not that Gym Ninja ever goes longer than 3 hours without eating, but today it was a veritable food-fest! Nom Nom! Greedy Gym Ninja!

The day started off extra early thanks to one of Gym Ninja's cats bounding across her head as a 'short cut' across the bedroom, and this meant Gym Ninja found herself scheduling in an impromptu 'check the tyre pressure' of the Blandmobile  on route to her appointment at the opposite side of the UK. LOTS of driving ahead....! Boo hiss.....

Of course it wouldn't be a work day without a list of impossible tasks from her Muppet Manager. Today's list went as follows (with admittedly some artistic license):

1. To cover the building at her first appointment completely in tinfoil (excluding the Blue Badge Parking Bay Area).


2. To obtain a slice of the left earlobe belonging to Princess Michael of Kent.


3.  To soap down the Thames Estuary Flood Defence Barrier with a mild carbolic mix


4.  To weave a medium sized basket out of butterfly wings (Red Admiral wings excluded).

No WONDER Gym Ninja found herself eating her mid-morning snack of a Promax Diet Bar by 8.55am!

A news story on the Radio caught Gym Ninja's ear as she drove. It was about a teacher, a dumbbell and a pupil.

"Oooh, sounds interesting?" Thought Gym Ninja, pricking up her ears ready for an informative exercise-related news clippet.

But no.
Not 'quite' the exercise news article she'd anticipated.

TEACHER BLUDGEONS PUPIL OVER HEAD WITH DUMBBELL SHOUTING 'DIE DIE DIE' IS CLEARED OF ATTEMPTED MURDER.

Er.....what?
Yep, turns out the guy was cleared, despite what he shouted (and to be fair, Die Die Die is usually a clue that someone is trying to kill you surely?) and despite the fact he fractured the poor boy's skull.  Remarkable!

Gym Ninja briefly pondered what could be an opportunity if her, a dumbbell and Muppet Manager were in the same room......?

After her appointment (and item 2 of the daily tasks had been crossed off the list-flighty little madam is Princess Michael of Kent!) Gym Ninja spotted this gaggle of pregnant men waddling across the road...

See how the trousers sit below the belly, thus 'tricking' the wearer into thinking he is still fitting the same size trousers as when he was younger?

Marvel how the fabric of the shirts strains against the belly.

Oh and imagine how the middle guy is probably known as the 'skinny one' out of the three........

Oh dear. This storage of fat on the belly area is not healthy and puts these guys at risk of heart disease, furring of the arteries, and all manner of illnesses, cancers, diabetes, etc......................

Gym Ninja stopped for lunch. Tuna salad (hell, Gym Ninja doesn't get paid until tomorrow OK so cut her some slack with her 'samey' lunch) and a small fruit selection afterwards. Then she nipped into a local Tesco and snaffled up a couple of Maxitone Crisp bar thingies-whatever they are known as? White versions of the Promax Crisp bar-you know the ones? 

Within the hour one had been scoffed! Hollow legs! Then followed HOURS of driving homeward bound, interspersed with phone calls to friends (one call actually had a whole 15 minutes of chat dedicated to the merits of various brands of protein bars), plus the obligatory 'Whereareyouandwhatareyoudoingnow' Checking Up call from Muppet Manager. He also needed to add the last task of the day which was...

5.  To make a pair of waterproof shoes from a cows udder and half a tablespoon of Marmite. 

Okaaaaay.

Nearing home, Gym Ninja stopped at Sports Direct store to see if there were any bargain items of clothing for her photoshoot. GODDAM you photo shoot. Why coincide to a time when Gym Ninja has hollow legs? Anyhow, out of the car she tottered (stupid tightening of the hip flexors) and into the store. Very soon GN had picked up 4 cropped tops to try on. Now, have you EVER tried on stuff at this store? The changing rooms are as follows:

1 meter to the left of the main queue for the cashier.

Teeny tiny and lit with a nasty harsh spotlight

Made with a door that doesn't stretch the whole length of the doorway and instead merely covers the torso, exposing the head and legs of the person getting changed. 

In Gym Ninja went and shut the door. On the mirror was a big sign that screamed:

WARNING! HIDDEN SECURITY CAMERAS ARE FILMING IN THIS STORE!

Oh great! Gym Ninja is now streaming live to Chat Roulette most likely.......

Gym Ninja started to get undressed, and then became painfully aware of a very TALL man standing in the queue less than a meter away. That'd be a tall man who could most definitely see OVER the half-door of the spotlit changing room and peek at Gym Ninja's half naked image reflected in the mirror  (unless of course he'd prefer to go online and view it completely courtesy of the hidden security cameras?) 

Grrr!

Gym Ninja felt as if she were getting undressed in the middle of the store. Technically, she was....so Gym Ninja crouched down and continued to try on the crop tops, all FAR too small to contain GN's boobs. Oooer!

Quickly putting her black skirt suit back on, Gym Ninja noticed a white  melted piece of Maxitone bar stuck in the middle of the skirt. 

Great!

The Clumsy Fairy had nipped back to see Gym Ninja again and kindly stuck on a dodgy bit of white stickiness right in the lap of Gym Ninja's black skirt. Thank you Clumsy Fairy! Thank you SO much! 

So Gym Ninja headed home. Tired, sulky, not having managed to locate any Marmite to finish off the cows udder shoes she'd been told to make, and without stopping off at the gym to burn off the 63 days worth of calories she'd scoffed. 

Once home, Gym Ninja trod on a parcel that had been pushed through the door...(DAMN YOU Clumsy Fairy!). T'was a pair of camouflage pants ordered from eBay (possible GI Ninja theme for the gym shoot you see). Wahey! 

Gym Ninja opened the packet.

Hmm.

It would appear someone has sent DOLL-SIZED pants. Holy schmoly! How will Gym Ninja fit her arse into these? Hollow Leg Curse, how Gym Ninja also hates you tooooooo!

Gym Ninja tried them on. Yeh they fitted OK, but the hormonal eating of today made GN feel a tad squashy and bloated in them. But then..*PING!*

No, the elastic didn't break!

Cheeky! 

Gym Ninja instantly developed an anti-binge device.

Ladies, grab the summer bikini or shorts you plan on wearing soon and put it on.

Feel a tad guilty for your latest binge eating episode.

Stay IN the clothing for the remainder of the binge period.

Voila!

No need to thank GN!

Right, tune in tomorrow as GN may well be feeding back on a recipe for protein bars she has stolen from another blog (and yes she will link everyone to it as that person is a star if these babies taste nice) and it's a 'maybe' as GN is about to make them after logging off.

Gn may also be reviewing FOOD INC, the docufilm (again, GN has yet to start watching it)

Now....bugger off please and let GN find that Marmite and finish off the last task of Muppet Manager's to-do list........

Gym Ninja xx

Bank Holiday Binge Burner?

Gym Ninja went to the Gym Today.

Gym Ninja always loves Bank Holidays so she can train at the gym. Tis her usual pass time now that she is too broke to spend it socialising or shopping!  Oddly, Gym Ninja had no expectations of the place being busy either...and yet it was!

By the time Gym Ninja rolled up at the gym (about 11.15am) it was already as busy as it usually is of an evening. Lots of sweaty people staring into the middle distance, a look of grim determination on their faces. Hmm, Gym Ninja forgot. This is traditionally the Easter Bank Holiday Binge Burner session that most people do, having scoffed chocolate the entire day before, and possibly even for breakfast too...? So much for a nice quiet workout session.

Now GN had been looking forward to this workout as her weekend of exams meant she couldn't do her usual Saturday Slaughter Session that lets off so much steam. So imagine Gym Ninja's disappointment when she awoke to find herself muggy of head and rather tired. But wait! This was predicted a few days back no? Remember, Gym Ninja mentioned that when you have spent months running in a hamster wheel and in this case, working and studying constantly, for it then to stop....well the body just seems to collapse into tiredness.

AHHHR!

But gym Ninja soldiered on. A 20 minute interval run was done first purely because GN felt she needed the benefit of getting her heart & lungs working hard. If she collapsed later then at least she'd gotten herself moving eh?

Again, the best treadmills were all taken. It didn't help that 2 were out of action. 1 of which has been out of action for at least a month. A month! Seriously. Ring someone and get it fixed! You're a National chain of gyms. You will have some sway with the manufacturers surely? Can't you get preferential treatment for a service contract?

Next: legs!  Gym Ninja decided to begin by pre-exhausting her Quads. Burn those buggers out before the compound leg work. Of course, having a nice muscular torso (a male one!) to perv at opposite her did help with that decision somewhat. It's terribly motivating donchaknow!

Once the isolation work for the quads had been done & they'd been suitably worked, Gym Ninja decided that maybe steering clear of heavy squats in favour of the Hammer Strength Leg Press would be a very sensible idea. No chance of falling over with the old dizziness then is there?

TIP: DO NOT train when dizzy. Gym Ninja did and knew she was being foolish. Do as Gym Ninja says, not as she does please!

Gym Ninja loaded up a fair few big boy plates whilst the girl on the next machine looked on in horror....

YES. Gym Ninja is a GIRL.
YES. Gym Ninja is adding heavy weights despite being a girl.
NO, it does NOT mean she will get humungous legs like Powerplant cooling towers.

Ladies: never forget we have 10 times LESS testosterone than guys so we can't get 'mahoosive' easily. Hell, even the GUYs in the gym are 75% teeny tiny  of body and they HAVE testosterone. That should show you how hard it is to gain big if so many gym users don't achieve it.;-)


OK...oh and no,  just in case you are wondering, GN didn't fall over at any point during this workout. But the dizziness did mean that the intensity of the workout had to be dialed back somewhat. Annoying!

Once the leg press had been conquered, Gym Ninja decided to do a fairly light barbell squat (so as not to fall over) some variations on lunges, Barbell Straight Legged deadlifts, plus some rather challenging one legged dumbbell deadlifts.

Yep. Gym Ninja was dizzy yet decided to do one legged work!
Yep, it DID make it challenging!
But wow, how good is one legged training to push you through a plateau!

Next followed some prone leg raises using a Swiss Ball and a smattering of ab work using a medicine ball. Then, once the workout was complete, Gym Ninja stretched out her muscles and staggered downstairs to the changing rooms, her reward of a Choc Mint Promax Shake waiting for her! Mmm.

On route home, GN stopped off at Tesco. Instead of eggs, Gym Ninja had been given a small amount of cash for Easter from family members who appear to think that just because a person doesn't eat traditional chocolate treats, then a replacement must be offered. Bless. So Gym Ninja used it to buy 3 Maximuscle Promax Meal bars plus 4 Maxitone Definity Crisp Bars.

Now Maxitone is the newly launched girly range of Maximuscle products. Gym Ninja does not mean to make it sound like it is a faffy range by the way. It still has the same quality ingredients as the Maximuscle range and gives good results according to others who have told GN they've tried it. It's just that Gym Ninja loves her Maximuscle stuff as she has seen incredible results from it. Plus, Gym Ninja does not feel put off by the Maximuscle name in the way that some women can be (which is a shame that women do get put off thinking it's just for guys). Therefore, Gym Ninja probably won't be forking out for the Maxitone range (it appears to be somewhat more expensive per gram) purely because it has a girly packaging. Maybe it tastes nicer? Sadly Gym Ninja isn't in a position to buy and try right now. But by all means if you see it on the shelf and are tempted to try it, rest assured it's good quality stuff. After all, the Definity Crisp Bars are yoghurt coated versions of Gym Ninja's dahhhrling Promax Crisp bars. Not 'quite' as fab in GN's opinion as the chocolate covered ones, but they hit the spot.

So...did you manage to eat in moderation over Easter people? Did you binge? Do you now feel bad & are considering writing off the rest of this week due to your chocolate stash? Don't feel bad! It's done now. Don't wipe out the rest of this week either, as no doubt you will still be scoffing the stuff regardless, so may as well try and burn some of it off at the gym. Just don't use it as an excuse to cancel out anything good this week ok?

Right, GN is off now....maybe for a small snooze on the sofa-sleep off some of this all-day dizziness!

Toodle Pip

Gym Ninja x