Sunday Snooze day

OK Ok, so Gym Ninja obviously has a problem getting up on time at weekends lately, as yet again she found herself running late for the planned Gym Session. Of course, having a sudden urge to exfoliate using 'Hot Butter Fudge' scented exfoliation scrub in the shower may have slowed her down somewhat...but what are you supposed to do if you suddenly feel 'rough'?

Galloping yet again to the gym, half asleep and with no energy shot drink to quaff, meant GN wasn't looking forward to an hour of Extreme Spin Climb. The day after Leg Training too....badly planned.

Once in the Spin Studio, Gym Ninja found herself wit verbal procrastination disease..helpfully pointed out to her by Dangly Cross Man who mentioned how much GN was making excises and moaning before the class had even started. Yup! Too right!
Tiredness + Knackered legs = Moany Ninja.

And thus followed an hour that saw Gym Ninja with legs on a 'go-slow'.
MOVE faster legs!
"Shan't" They said, on their Go-Slow protest.
It's times like this that GN wishes they made Tandem Spin Bikes, so she could hop onto the back of someone elses.....

Staggering out of the hour class, Gym Ninja discovered she'd missed a call from Tara. That was a nice surprise. Tara & Gym Ninja had discovered each other when entering the Maximuscle Body of 2009 competition & stayed in touch. In regular email contact yet never actually spoken.until today. Tara had gone on a food-run for her family & wasn't about to scoff a  'definitely no not hers, really honestly not hers it is someone elses no I swear its not mine I have something else to eat and mmm'.. Panini (haha Tara you SO knew I'd wind you up about that!)  So Gym Ninja chatted to Tara whilst refuelling after the tough Spin Session and before starting the upper body weights session.

By now GN needed to rattle through her weights due to time constraints, & was only distracted twice...once by a girl on the seated row machine who dragged the handles back with all her might...and then found herself almost parallel to the floor she'd moved away from the pad and was leaning back so far. Hmm, that's NOT working your back muscles lady!  The second distraction was a girl who was doing all manner of old-school style ab work whilst wearing dark denim mid-thigh length shorts. The type you'd wear outside of a gym. How odd!

As Gym Ninja replaced a set of dumbbells between exercises, she happened to peer out of the window that overlooked the pool. In the Hydro Pool (aka giant jacuzzi) was a guy with his back to the large water jet. That'd be a HAIRY back. Yes, SO hairy that GN could see it all in great detail despite being a level up and far away......eww. Just when Gym Ninja was thinking how horrid a back full of thick black hair looked, something horrid happened.........the huge fan of water switched on (hence why the guy was below it waiting) and the jet of water parted the hair on his back like a hairy old parting of the Red Sea.
Bleaurrrh!

After the gym, the next stop was to good old Sports Direct to pick up some last minute 'accessories' for the photoshoot next week.

• Lime Green legwarmers: Check! 
• Red Boxing Gloves: Check!
• Backless (!) weights gloves: Check!
• Day Glo 80's style wrist sweat bands: Check!

Well, Gym Ninja isn't really sure what her look will be in some of the photos so may as well blow all of £17 on a mad assortment eh?(yep she got a whole bag of stuff, including the boxing gloves, for that!).

So now Gym Ninja is sat down wondering what to cook up for dinner? Maybe some more turkey stir fry? Her latest craze? Or something easy and quick like steamed veg and cottage cheese? Hmm, in retrospect stir fry is kind of easy and quick too.......decisions decisions decisions.......

Ahhh what the hell.......Stir Fry it is.......

Have a good Sunday people! Remember.....eating clean keeps you lean!!!!!! Yum!

Gym Ninja x

Hollow Legs

Today Gym Ninja had hollow legs.
Couldn't stop eating!
Not that Gym Ninja ever goes longer than 3 hours without eating, but today it was a veritable food-fest! Nom Nom! Greedy Gym Ninja!

The day started off extra early thanks to one of Gym Ninja's cats bounding across her head as a 'short cut' across the bedroom, and this meant Gym Ninja found herself scheduling in an impromptu 'check the tyre pressure' of the Blandmobile  on route to her appointment at the opposite side of the UK. LOTS of driving ahead....! Boo hiss.....

Of course it wouldn't be a work day without a list of impossible tasks from her Muppet Manager. Today's list went as follows (with admittedly some artistic license):

1. To cover the building at her first appointment completely in tinfoil (excluding the Blue Badge Parking Bay Area).


2. To obtain a slice of the left earlobe belonging to Princess Michael of Kent.


3.  To soap down the Thames Estuary Flood Defence Barrier with a mild carbolic mix


4.  To weave a medium sized basket out of butterfly wings (Red Admiral wings excluded).

No WONDER Gym Ninja found herself eating her mid-morning snack of a Promax Diet Bar by 8.55am!

A news story on the Radio caught Gym Ninja's ear as she drove. It was about a teacher, a dumbbell and a pupil.

"Oooh, sounds interesting?" Thought Gym Ninja, pricking up her ears ready for an informative exercise-related news clippet.

But no.
Not 'quite' the exercise news article she'd anticipated.

TEACHER BLUDGEONS PUPIL OVER HEAD WITH DUMBBELL SHOUTING 'DIE DIE DIE' IS CLEARED OF ATTEMPTED MURDER.

Er.....what?
Yep, turns out the guy was cleared, despite what he shouted (and to be fair, Die Die Die is usually a clue that someone is trying to kill you surely?) and despite the fact he fractured the poor boy's skull.  Remarkable!

Gym Ninja briefly pondered what could be an opportunity if her, a dumbbell and Muppet Manager were in the same room......?

After her appointment (and item 2 of the daily tasks had been crossed off the list-flighty little madam is Princess Michael of Kent!) Gym Ninja spotted this gaggle of pregnant men waddling across the road...

See how the trousers sit below the belly, thus 'tricking' the wearer into thinking he is still fitting the same size trousers as when he was younger?

Marvel how the fabric of the shirts strains against the belly.

Oh and imagine how the middle guy is probably known as the 'skinny one' out of the three........

Oh dear. This storage of fat on the belly area is not healthy and puts these guys at risk of heart disease, furring of the arteries, and all manner of illnesses, cancers, diabetes, etc......................

Gym Ninja stopped for lunch. Tuna salad (hell, Gym Ninja doesn't get paid until tomorrow OK so cut her some slack with her 'samey' lunch) and a small fruit selection afterwards. Then she nipped into a local Tesco and snaffled up a couple of Maxitone Crisp bar thingies-whatever they are known as? White versions of the Promax Crisp bar-you know the ones? 

Within the hour one had been scoffed! Hollow legs! Then followed HOURS of driving homeward bound, interspersed with phone calls to friends (one call actually had a whole 15 minutes of chat dedicated to the merits of various brands of protein bars), plus the obligatory 'Whereareyouandwhatareyoudoingnow' Checking Up call from Muppet Manager. He also needed to add the last task of the day which was...

5.  To make a pair of waterproof shoes from a cows udder and half a tablespoon of Marmite. 

Okaaaaay.

Nearing home, Gym Ninja stopped at Sports Direct store to see if there were any bargain items of clothing for her photoshoot. GODDAM you photo shoot. Why coincide to a time when Gym Ninja has hollow legs? Anyhow, out of the car she tottered (stupid tightening of the hip flexors) and into the store. Very soon GN had picked up 4 cropped tops to try on. Now, have you EVER tried on stuff at this store? The changing rooms are as follows:

1 meter to the left of the main queue for the cashier.

Teeny tiny and lit with a nasty harsh spotlight

Made with a door that doesn't stretch the whole length of the doorway and instead merely covers the torso, exposing the head and legs of the person getting changed. 

In Gym Ninja went and shut the door. On the mirror was a big sign that screamed:

WARNING! HIDDEN SECURITY CAMERAS ARE FILMING IN THIS STORE!

Oh great! Gym Ninja is now streaming live to Chat Roulette most likely.......

Gym Ninja started to get undressed, and then became painfully aware of a very TALL man standing in the queue less than a meter away. That'd be a tall man who could most definitely see OVER the half-door of the spotlit changing room and peek at Gym Ninja's half naked image reflected in the mirror  (unless of course he'd prefer to go online and view it completely courtesy of the hidden security cameras?) 

Grrr!

Gym Ninja felt as if she were getting undressed in the middle of the store. Technically, she was....so Gym Ninja crouched down and continued to try on the crop tops, all FAR too small to contain GN's boobs. Oooer!

Quickly putting her black skirt suit back on, Gym Ninja noticed a white  melted piece of Maxitone bar stuck in the middle of the skirt. 

Great!

The Clumsy Fairy had nipped back to see Gym Ninja again and kindly stuck on a dodgy bit of white stickiness right in the lap of Gym Ninja's black skirt. Thank you Clumsy Fairy! Thank you SO much! 

So Gym Ninja headed home. Tired, sulky, not having managed to locate any Marmite to finish off the cows udder shoes she'd been told to make, and without stopping off at the gym to burn off the 63 days worth of calories she'd scoffed. 

Once home, Gym Ninja trod on a parcel that had been pushed through the door...(DAMN YOU Clumsy Fairy!). T'was a pair of camouflage pants ordered from eBay (possible GI Ninja theme for the gym shoot you see). Wahey! 

Gym Ninja opened the packet.

Hmm.

It would appear someone has sent DOLL-SIZED pants. Holy schmoly! How will Gym Ninja fit her arse into these? Hollow Leg Curse, how Gym Ninja also hates you tooooooo!

Gym Ninja tried them on. Yeh they fitted OK, but the hormonal eating of today made GN feel a tad squashy and bloated in them. But then..*PING!*

No, the elastic didn't break!

Cheeky! 

Gym Ninja instantly developed an anti-binge device.

Ladies, grab the summer bikini or shorts you plan on wearing soon and put it on.

Feel a tad guilty for your latest binge eating episode.

Stay IN the clothing for the remainder of the binge period.

Voila!

No need to thank GN!

Right, tune in tomorrow as GN may well be feeding back on a recipe for protein bars she has stolen from another blog (and yes she will link everyone to it as that person is a star if these babies taste nice) and it's a 'maybe' as GN is about to make them after logging off.

Gn may also be reviewing FOOD INC, the docufilm (again, GN has yet to start watching it)

Now....bugger off please and let GN find that Marmite and finish off the last task of Muppet Manager's to-do list........

Gym Ninja xx

Personal Shopper Ninja

Ahhh, it feels good to be on holiday from work. REALLY good!  Gym Ninja is planning some decent quality workout sessions over the next 2 weeks to make up for the shorter sessions these past few months due to study and time restraints.

But today Gym Ninja had promised to help her sister.

Now Gym Ninja's sister (aka Sister Ninja) used to train many moons ago. MANY moons ago. In fact, she's not done any exercise in at least 10 years, so how Gym Ninja had managed to talk her into signing up for the Race For Life 5k run is anyone's guess?

Gym Ninja wrote out a basic endurance weights and cardio programme for her sister to follow at the gym a few weeks ago, yet 'Sister Ninja' is still procrastinating about not knowing how to use the gym equipment due to the way her local gym runs itself. They don't actually have an instructor based in the gym now. They have regular 'instructional workshops' that members can attend (assuming they are free in the middle of the day when these workshops seem to be scheduled). Hmm, not good. So Gym Ninja is having to plan a visit to Sister Ninja's gym in order to do their job for them and teach her how to use the equipment safely and effectively.  In the meantime, GN had also persuaded Sister Ninja to agree to a regular Sunday afternoon outdoor running session. You could tell by her face, that Sister Ninja wasn't looking forward to it one bit!

"But I haven't even got the correct gear", procrastinated Sister Ninja...

Which is how, today, Gym Ninja found herself dragging a reluctant Sister Ninja to the shops to get her kitted out. NO excuses! Not on Gym Ninja's patch!

"I don't like leggings and I don't want anyone seeing my bum!" Muttered Sister Ninja as her and GN made their way to the mecca of 'kit me out cheaply' that is, 'Sports Direct'.

"Not a problem!" Beamed Gym Ninja, ignoring Sister Ninja's scowl.
"The most important thing we need to make you buy is the right running shoes though, as those arty farty designer ones you wear are neither use nor ornament!" 

With that, they entered the cluttered mess that is Sports Direct. A huge jumble sale-esque store that piles em high and knocks em down low.  Quite possibly it may exaggerate somewhat when it comes to the original selling price, but who cares when you see the actual selling sale price?

Over to the trainers went Gym Ninja and her sister. They stretched floor to ceiling, in various styles, shades and fashion statements!
"I want black ones!" Said Sister Ninja.
*sigh*
Picking trainers by colour isn't actually the ideal way to choose the correct shoes. Thus followed a brief yet informative 'lecture' from Gym Ninja about supportive, cushioned trainers. Admittedly a top of the range running shoe wasn't necessary here due to the fact that Sister Ninja would rarely run in them, but all the same, a well-known brand such as Nike, Reebok, Adidas etc was important.

And so the quest for the perfect shoe began...Sister Ninja picked trainers solely on their appearance, Gym Ninja then vetted them and put back the dodgy ones, and encouraged the slightly vacant-looking store assistant to go 'fetch' the correct size for the ones that made the short list. Now one problem with clearance stores is that, unless you have feet as small as cat paws or feet as large as clown feet, you are most likely to be told 'I'm sorry we don't have your size'. So it took about 8 attempts at pushing a random trainer in the vacant-looking guys face before..tadaaaaaaaaa'. Cinderella shoe type moment! A pair of Reebok trainers for the princely sum of £22. Reduced from £55. BARGAIN!

By now, Sister Ninja was starting to 'warm' to the idea that she may need relevant kit. Admittedly the trainers weren't black as she'd wanted, but they were a silvery grey which meant they didn't fall into the 'I hate day glo white' trainer category Sister Ninja recoils from. Next stop, the lycra section....

"Try these,.....and these......oh and these look Ok too" Ordered Gym Ninja, piling hangar after hangar of black bottoms to Sister Ninja. Once a hefty pile had been made over her arm, Sister Ninja then scurried away to the changing rooms to try everything on. This gave Gym Ninja time to mooch....

As ever, Sports Direct was full of a mixture of people. A quick glance around showed that about 75% of the shoppers did not look even slightly athletic and were busy squashing their bodies between narrowly spaced clothing rails. The clothes towered way above the heads of everyone, hung right up the wall to the ceiling. I mean, seriously, who can browse the stuff up there?  Gym Ninja spotted a couple of black tops in her size hung half a mile up the wall. FAB! Maybe they'd be good for her uniform? All Gym Ninja now needed was a ladder, or a shop assistant with telescopic go-go-gadget arms....

"Excuse me" Said Gym Ninja to a bespectacled portly shop assistant who was busy counting shoe boxes.
The Shop Assistant looked up, then his face immediately crumpled as he totally forgot his shoe box count!
" I really need some help getting a couple of tops down from your ceiling if you can help?"

"Sure thing!" Smiled the Shop Assistant. "I'll just get a pole..."

Hmm, what has Nationality got to do with it? Why not get a Spaniard or an Italian...?

Within 2 minutes the Shop Assistant returned with a mighty pole with a hook, and waved it up the wall, akin to 'hook a duck' at the fairground. He managed to grab the tops and lowered them down.

"Best of luck with them fitting", he mumbled as he passed the tops to Gym Ninja.
"This top's apparently a size XL. God knows why they thought I needed a size XL anyway" He continued, pulling out the over-large shapeless sports top uniform.

"Er...........ok thanks bye", Said Gym Ninja, not quite sure what her response should really be? She went to try on the tops, and sure enough...baggy shapeless nonsense. Maybe the higher up the wall, the more rubbish the clothing is?

By now Sister Ninja had emerged from the changing rooms and flung back the trousers to Gym Ninja, declaring them all unsuitable.
"I'll just stick with some jogging bottoms I already have" Sister Ninja announced, waving her hand as she breezed past. "At least then no one can see my bottom!"
With that, she walked to the cashier and bought the trainers.

Gym Ninja guesses you can lead a runner to Sports Direct, but you cannot force a runner to buy eh? Never mind. At least it's a start!

Now on a different note, Gym Ninja has been training without her Polar Heart Rate Monitor for a month or two now. Ever since the battery went in the coded transmitter belt and the replacement battery had failed to make it work (grrr), Gym Ninja knew she'd have to buy a new transmitter (luckily the watch part was still OK). However Gym Ninja is deeply broke. TOTALLY broke so buying one was not an option. Not being able to accurately monitor her heart rate throughout sessions was just plain annoying and not at all useful. So imagine her surprise when yesterday, having located the empty Heart Rate Monitor box in the vain hope of seeing if it was still in warantee, Gym Ninja discovered the original NEW transmitter and belt still in the box.
OMG!
Gym Ninja had TOTALLY forgotten that it was only the WATCH that had broken last time, and that when she bought this replacement one, she'd not used the new transmitter and belt, instead still using her old one with the new watch.
YAY!

So today, Gym Ninja rushed to the gym, back on track to monitor her workout again.....

But wait! Gym Ninja has rambled for too long today, so she shall save that story for tomorrow. Don't moan little Ninjarettes. It's only 1 sleep away...

Gym Ninja x