Thursday, 12 August 2010

Muppet Call

Yesterday Gym Ninja received a call on her iPhone from an unrecognisable mobile number.


Curious. Gym Ninja picked up.

"Hi, this is Muppet. You sent in your CV regarding working as a Personal Trainer for us here at Cheap as Chips Health Club? I'm just ringing to let you know we have a vacancy and are you still interested?"

Gym Ninja went quiet. Oh yes, she remembers Muppet and his gym. If you recall, about 4 months ago Gym Ninja had arranged an interview with the Cheap as Chips Muppet Manager re working freelance from his Health Club as a PT. GN had gone out of her way to get there on time and when she turned up, nobody knew where Muppet was or why Gym Ninja was there. In fact, it took nearly 45 minutes for the staff to get hold of another manager (as Muppet's mobile was switched off) only to discover he'd gone home to wait for a fridge to be delivered. CHARMING!

Anyhow, Gym Ninja allowed Muppet to finish his speech and then replied..

"Ah yes. I do remember you and your club, however I'm not interested. Not after you stood me up last time!"

*Cue awkward silence*

"Er, ah yes, I recognise your name now" Stuttered Muppet. "I think I was on holiday wasn't I?"

Gym Ninja sighed.

"No. Apparently you were at home waiting for a fridge to be delivered, despite having arranged to meet me for an interview. Oh and you hadn't bothered to tell anyone either hence me being kept waiting. So as you can imagine, I am somewhat not-so-keen on having another interviews as you may be getting a freezer delivered that day?"

Muppet spluttered into an apology and then immediately began selling his vacancy again.

"The girl is leaving for maternity and will leave 20 clients.You'd get those!"

"I'm working elsewhere now thank you" Replied Gym Ninja. "At an exclusive private studio so I'm not interested. To be honest I had originally been wary as your chain of clubs has such a bad reputation in the industry".

Muppet was taken aback. "WHY?" He barked.

Was it too obvious if Gym Ninja sighed again?

"It's well known amongst the Graduates of MY particular Certificate provider that your chain of health clubs rarely support their Personal Trainers and go through them like a dose of salts. I attended a Fit Pro lecture where we were told only 2% of your trainers are ever fully booked."

Well, Muppet didn't like this one jot!  He exploded down the phone at Gym Ninja, reeling off statistics about how his PTs were booked at 7am, 8am, 9am, 10am.... (by now Gym Ninja had spotted the pattern so wondered why he carried on regardless...?)

Gym Ninja allowed him to burn himself out and then stepped in..

"These PT sessions that are booked. Are they paid sessions........?" 

Gym Ninja raised an eyebrow as she said this. Pointless obviously being at the other end of the phone, however it was all for the added drama, as Gym Ninja knew full well the answer that was coming.

"No. They are free ones but the PT gets the chance to convert them to paying clients, and now that we lowered the monhtly membership to £10 we're getting busy"

Yeh, busy with cheapskates who pay £10 a month and get freebie PT!

"Really?  Well you can understand after last time when you stood me up why I am so reluctant to come and see you again, especially with your reputation with PTs"

"Yes but I was on holiday wasn't I? I do apologise for that!" Muppet repeated.


"No, you were definitely waiting for a fridge, and as I recall it took 45 minutes before someone could get through to your line manager ad find out where you were. Yep, definitely a fridge and not a holiday!"

Again, Muppet didn't like this. He changed tact...

"I train people and they pay me! Even when they haven't got much money. I trained my Missus 3 times a week when I first met her and she was broke!"

At this, Muppet went quiet. Gym Ninja definitely felt essence of 'put that in your pipe and smoke it!' from him. Most likely he was also playing a 'tadaaaa' sound on his mobile phone too...

Gym Ninja paused. Was it really too obvious for her to point out how unprofessional it is to sh*g a client? Hmmm. Nah. Too easy. It takes the fun out of the game if its too easy....(a bit like his Missus eh?)

"Look, I'm really not interested" Began Gym Ninja.

Muppet interrupted.

"Gym Ninja, feel free to ring me any time. Have a think about it. Don't feel awkward by ringing me it's OK you can".


"Oh noooo, don't you worry about that. I can assure you I will not be feeling awkward as I won't be calling. Many thanks!"

And with that, Gym Ninja hung up.

Lucky old Gym Ninja eh? Yes, she KNOWS she is a fool to turn down a job where she pays £400 a month to work out of a cheap club and have to give back to back free PT sessions to broke clients have no intention of ever hiring you as why would they when they get it for free? The very same cheapskate clients who she then needs to have sex with three times a week..... Yes, what an opportunity missed. It would appear staff also get time off for fridge and white goods deliveries too...and yet she turned it all down.....

Never mind eh? ;-)

Gym Ninja x