Friday, 20 August 2010


OK, so you all came back the next day but Gym Ninja didn't. Forgive GN please.

Just for the record, Sunday Slaughter followed Saturday Slaughter, all again with the aid of a well chewed piece of Buzz Gum. Sunday was the last Spin Session with the good instructor that would happen for 3 whole weeks, as she was off on her jollies, leaving sub-standard Spin Instructors to babysit the group.    Pah!

As Gym Ninja was setting up her usual spin bike, a voice broke the silence. The voice came from the row behind & was aimed towards Gym Ninja...

"Does your coccyx hurt?" 

Gym Ninja looked up and noticed that this sentence came from a woman sat motionless on the bike behind her. 

"Excuse me?'" Questioned Gym Ninja. After all, it's not your usual conversational opener is it?

"Does your coccyx hurt from doing Spin? Mine does. Not all the time, but lately it does."

The woman beamed at Gym Ninja whilst rubbing her lower back and doing a fake comedy grimace.

Gym Ninja shook her head. "Sorry no, mine doesn't."

Not sure why GN felt the need to apologise for this fact? Maybe she hates to disappoint people? But nope. No coccyx rubbing necessitated here.  Now, you'd think there would be nowhere to go with that conversation? Indeed there wasn't, but that wasn't an obstacle for Coccyx Lady. Oh no. 

"I like your skin!"


Gym Ninja did a forced smile. 

"Where are you from? You're tanned right?

Gym Ninja then explained about the benefits of gradual tanning body lotion and the fact she is English born and bred. But no. No. This was not enough for Coccyx Woman.

"Really? You are? Oh."

*cue disappointment and a small silence from Coccyx Woman*

"What about your parents? Where are they from? You're not foreign at all? Really? Oh. Oh well you look Egyptian!" 

At this, Coccyx Woman then diverted her gaze, leaving Gym Ninja free to continue her pondering as to why she always attracts oddballs?

Talking of which, as if by magic, Dangly appears.

"You were quick to bin me off yesterday when that guy came over to talk to you eh? EH? Did you go to the wedding with him? Surprised you even made it in!!!!!"


How to be chastised by someone you  barely know and haven't even reason for the chastisement. After much questioning it turned out that Dangly felt he had been cast aside in favour of Lanky the day before. Gym Ninja had to explain that she actually did know Lanky already, he was not just a random who had walked in and started talking to her, that technically it was DANGLY himself who had swanned off in a huff for no apparent reason and also that the wedding Lanky had invited GN to attend Saturday night with him was NEVER gonna have been an option. 

Phew! Sunday Spin hadn't even started yet and already Gym Ninja felt like she'd been through it! Not sure when various gym members decided that they owned the rights to Gym Ninja, but apparently this was the case. Gym Ninja instead decided to distract Dangly with a question...

"I was talking to Lisa yesterday, the woman who sits on that bike there? She says she always thought I was married to a rich man!" Gym Ninja then cracked out her wide-eyed 'can you believe that' look. 

Good conversational changer huh?

Dangly stared back at Gym Ninja.

"Well you are aren't you?" He replied. "That's what I heard too."

OK, so now Gym Ninja then had to explain that this was not true, before deciding it was now best to focus on the upcoming spin session and quit talking to other people before she goes insane....

After Spin Gym Ninja went to peer down on the hydropool to double check the type of person sat in there before she made the decision whether to spend 10 minutes in there herself. A quick glance through the window and Gym Ninja's head snapped straight back around again at what she THOUGHT she had seen.

Was that really a topless woman in the hydropool?????

Looking again, Gym Ninja realised here eyes had been playing tricks on her and it was merely an ample chested man with moobs.  Nearby were a tubby couple who were using the hydropool as some sort of chlorinated foreplay. Tubby Guy was standing with his back to the edge, arms stretched outwards along the side whilst Tubby Girl bobbed up and down in front of him in some sort of tubby dance of the seven watery veils.....occasionally Tubby Girl would then bob towards Tubby Man, rubbing herself on him, before bobbing backwards again to continue her seductive hydropool mating ritual.  Please God let that be foam from the bubble jets that is turning that water so white....


No hydropool today thank you!

That'll be your lot today Ninjarettes. Do not be greedy. It is best to return to this blog in small manageable bites rather than to gorge yourself silly on reams of ramblings. We don't want you getting stomach ache now do we?

Gym Ninja x