Tuesday, 10 August 2010


See, now Gym Ninja thought she'd finished writing this blog post and had posted it all for you to feast your eyes on. Apparently not. Gym Ninja has unintentialy STARVED all of you Ninjarettes of a blog post for 9 whole day.

9 DAYS!!!!!!!

Are you all ok?????????   OK so here was what was written yet not posted. Not even worth the wait really...oooops.............

There's nothing like committing carbicide to spur on a gym session.
Yes, Gym Ninja succumbed to an unplanned scoffing of naughty carbs...the type you shouldn't really eat unless it's post workout? The type that play havoc with your insulin levels and stuff  all the calories it can't squash into your muscles and liver into your fat cells. A one-way fast track ticket to Mr Blobby Land. Horrid evil carbs! Committing carbicide is when you accidentally (or in some cases intentionally) ingest far too many carbs at once, causing you to almost fall into some sort of coma-like trance. Well, that's what happened to Gym Ninja the other day.

Once it happened, Gym Ninja's alarm bells rang. She HAD to hit the gym and burn the goddam stuff off before it drove her into a coma, but would she be able to get there fast enough? It was a race against time!!!!!!!!!!!!  She stuffed her gym bag and then galloped to the car to hurtle to the gym. Time was of the essence, as if she fell into the coma mid drive then who knew what would happen?

OK, so perhaps Gym Ninja is being a tad dramatic, but she rarely has such episodes so her body over-reacts to this kind of thing. At Christmas last year, Gym Ninja decided her Christmas Day Treat would be a bowl of custard and she lost 3 hours of the day asleep because of it!

Once at the gym, Gym Ninja got changed and hurried herself to the treadmill. The carbs were sitting heavy in her stomach. This meant if the coma didn't get her, the partially-digested food would! It would suddenly turn into a blob of lead & as she began to exercise, the stomach would not take priority and instead the food would sit there...heavy....pulling her down, adding effort to the session...EEEEK!

And so the run began.....thud thud thud thud went Gym Ninja heavy legs, as the carbs moaned and groaned and then increased their density, making the run harder. AHHHHR damn you carbs!  But as Gym Ninja pushed herself (and you must remember the first 5-10 minutes of the workout are often the hardest), something magical kicked in...Glycogen! YAY! Thank GOD! The wonderful side-effect from carbs was the fact that Gym  Ninja had a fair old whack of glycogen  stored in her muscles and this was helping fuel the workout. At minute 13 it all turned effortless....

So began the effortless run, the type where you feel you can continue forever. Yet you don't, as you decide after a while that you are a bit bored. Who's got time to run forever? So eventually you stop. But it felt SOOOOOOOO good to burn off the nasty splurge. Sweat out the 'sin'.  So Gym Ninja's top tip of the day is, if you fall off the wagon and stuff your gob full of junk that you know will be of detriment to your regime, then the best solution is to force yourself to get out there and sweat it off you again. You can also think of it as a punishment. A gentle yet uncomfortable reminder as to why you shouldn't binge like that. Yeh it happens to everyone, but the trick is to stay on track, keep the discipline (that deserted you a moment ago) and make sure yo rectify the damage. You need to AVOID sinking further into the binge and thinking that you may as well chuck everything out of the window (except the carbs as you're too busy eating those, oh and the fatty stuff too whilst you're being bad) and spiral down into a new Mr Blobby-esque you complete with an outsized wardrobe of smocks and leggings.


Whilst sweating off the carbs Gym Ninja was entertained by Bandana Man. A heeeeruge Roider barreling along, all joints immobilized due to his immense size leaving him walking like a robot. Bandana Man was rocking the Bandana around the head look, complete with a muscle vest. A vest that is all neck and arm holes and a smattering of stretched t shirt holding the arm and neck holes together.  Yeh, best of luck with that outfit Mr Bandana Man......

Also at the gym was Bouncy Boobs. Not as exciting as you may first think though, as Bouncy Boobs was about 63 years old. She'd chosen to walk on the treadmill at a brisk pace, and whatever garment she wore under her t shirt really wasn't up to the job. Her boobs stretched from belly button in the downward motion to her collarbone in the upper motion. All undulating as she stomped onwards. In the end Gym Ninja had to ensure she couldn't see Bouncy Boobs as it was starting to trigger her motion sickness....... SUPPORT YOUR BOOBS please! They do not twang back into place once stretched.....yes, sports bras are not attractive but neither are Snoopy boobs. (Yeh, take your time thinking about what Snoopy looks like and then slowly realise what Gym Ninja means by that...)

Once in the changing rooms, Gym Ninja walked to her locker. Yet what was THIS? Some sort of barrier preventing Gym Ninja from standing by her locker. What was it?
Someone had abandoned their stinky old trainers on the bench under Gym Ninja's lockers and boy did they stink! So much so, Gym Ninja had to hold her breath, drag out her bag, run over to the other side of the changing area, then return to run the gauntlet again to get her clothes out of the locker. Eyes watering profusely and almost choking too.....

On that very visual note, Gym Ninja shall leave you all to it. Remember people, step awaaaay from the carb binge!!!!!!

Gym Ninja x