Saturday, 23 October 2010

Argy Bargy Ninja

OK, sorry about the shoddy blog post the other day.  No excuse. Oh wait, no the excuse was that Gym Ninja has a really bad memory. Oops. Forgot!

So today we find yet ANOTHER Saturday Slaughter Session post, but Gym Ninja is on the ball & has made the effort to type it up before the memory falls out of the back of her head.  Good idea huh?

The day started well. The alarm went off just fine. No dramas there.  Admittedly after a bit of a faff Gym Ninja did start to run a tad late, and inadvertently selected a gym top that didn't have enough of a lycra content to accommodate the Ninja Twins (•)(•) which did result in the feeling of a boa constrictor throughout the morning........but apart from that all was going just fine & dandy.

Gym Ninja sauntered up to the Spin Studio for the hour of Extreme Spin. 


What's this?  CHANGE?????????? Who's gone & re-organised the room and moved the bikes forward? No! NO NO NO NO NO! No change!  Now Gym Ninja's usual bike no longer existed? The row was all squished up with another one. Uhh!   Selecting an 'almost but not quite the same' bike as her usual (now sadly long gone) favourite, Gym Ninja set it up & began  to warm up. No sign of Dangly today oddly enough? 

The session began with a hill climb.  Then followed the usual mix of sprints, runs, jumps, climbs, and basically anything else the Instructor feels may take you right to the brink of cardiac arrest without having to fire up the defibrillator.  It was at the height of near-death experience that 'the incident' happened.....It wasn't a typical Gym Ninja action. Nor did Gym Ninja know she was going to do it? It just kind of.....happened......

Midway through a whole track's worth of interval standing runs, The Instructor began to walk around the group. It was on Run number 5, where the lactic acid was building up nicely and Gym Ninja's energy levels were in dire need of replenishment, that the Instructor chose to walk over to Gym Ninja and scream "Come ON!!!!!!" into Gym Ninja's face.

Instinctively,  Gym Ninja reached out and swiped the face of the Instructor. Only lightly mind, but yeh, Gym Ninja hit the Instructor in the face. The Instructors face spun around to the right from the smack and she then stood there, mouth wide open (tisk, not a good look), half shocked, half laughing.

"OMG you hit me! OMG everyone, she just hit me in the face!!!!! I'm not going near her again today" Said the Instructor. 

At this point, Gym Ninja felt it prudent to point out that if you plan on walking up to her and screaming abuse in her face, then instinct will kick in and you will get a smack! Fair enough huh?

To be fair, the Instructor never came over to meddle with resistance or scream anything at Gym Ninja for the rest of the session, so it all worked out for the best! 

Post session Gym Ninja needed to hit her legs with a workout. Yet for some reason, (perhaps that memory problem is getting worse?) Gym Ninja found herself on an Upper Body workout. Pffft!  Not much in the way of distractions other than a smattering of incorrectly performed moves in the gym today. WHY do women insist on doing side bends holding a dumbbell in BOTH hands? It just cancels out the effect. If you plan on doing side bends, ensure that you don't go TOO heavy as the obliques are muscle and can hypertrophy as much as the next muscle can. If you thicken it up, you thicken up the waist! Anyhow, top tip is to hold only ONE dumbbell in the hand of the opposite side you bend to.  So if you are bending to the left, the dumbbell should be in your right hand, and vice versa. OK- so this teaching point has been given today to cancel out sudden moment of argy bargy Instructor Slapping.  ALl must be ok in the world now, surely????

After a cool down, Gym Ninja headed to the showers and downed her protein shake.  Returning to get dressed, Gym Ninja was suddenly surrounded by children.  Must be a swimming birthday party on. Great. Now here Gym Ninja was, stuck in the middle of the changing rooms about to get naked in front of 10 pairs of staring eyes. Yep, kids stare! They don't do the sneaky peeking that adults do. No, they stand there, sometimes REALLY close, and just stare. Unnerving! 

Now there is a number of reasons why Gym Ninja is not entirely happy with this. Firstly, you never know what a child may say. They do tend to speak the truth & sometimes it's just not needed! Secondly, Gym Ninja has a belly button piercing and wears toe rings. These shiny objects tend to attract the eye of a small child & questions ensue. Questions are fine, but not when you are naked. Well OK, so questions when naked are fine, but in CONTEXT. Not in the gym changing rooms ok?  Thirdly, Gym Ninja has a large coloured tattoo that effectively acts as a magnet for children. No, it's not a cartoon. It's just colourful and fascinates them. Great. Oh and finally, there is Gym Ninja's grooming and 'Ninja Twins' that quite possibly differ slightly to what a small child may view at home from their own mothers. Thats NOT to say there aren't well groomed mothers out there who are unnaturally gravity defying as there most definitely are, however the age of these children meant that their mothers may be still in their transformation stages. Again, it throws up questions.......and draws crowds of small children......!

So Gym Ninja's plea today is that if you do bring children to the gym, spare a thought for those of us who do not have children of our own so therefore are NOT used to the staring eyes and barbed comments please?  Gym Ninja can take insults, but when they are from a small child? Uh oh! Gotta be the truth huh?

See you next time

Gym Ninja x