Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Kamikaze Ninja

I KNOW!!!!!

It's like Christmas eh? ANOTHER blog post. In a row. Bejeeezus. 

Today Gym Ninja ran late for most of her day. Having frozen half to death training a client on the beach when the tide was coming in (always scary as Gym Ninja is a non-swimmer therefore tends to be a tad wary of anything watery that can snuff her life out), and trying to distract her client from the badly positioned Ice Cream Van, Gym Ninja was more than ready to warm herself up performing her own workout at the gym. Leg Day!!!!

Having parked up and spent a good 3 minutes trying to close the boot of her car (made even MORE annoying as it was supposedly fixed on Monday & is now worse than ever), Gym Nina headed into the gym and started to get changed. Walking over to a locker where a girl had just stuffed her bag into, Gym Ninja smashed into an invisible wall.

A wall of....BO.

OMG! Gym Ninja's face nearly turned inside out the smell was so strong.  It was coming from the young girl who was ONLY JUST at the start of her session. She'd not even broken a sweat doing anything. Ewww, how can ANYONE smell SO BAD?   With a face contorting as if sucking a lemon, Gym Ninja attempted to hold her breath as she put her own bag into her locker and quickly moved away. 

As she went to grab her stuff on the bench, Gym Ninja realised she'd left an item of clothing out of her bag. Best tidy that away. Gym Ninja picked the item up and walked back to her locker. 

Oh dear God!!!!!!

The stench was STILL there, hanging in the air, wrapping itself around Gym Ninja's face & stuffing itself up her nostrils and filling her lungs. The BO Girl wasn't even HERE anymore, yet her stench was. Again, HOW is that possible? 

Choking & feeling slightly sick, Gym Ninja exited the changing rooms and began her session.

Today Gym Ninja became 'Kamikaze Ninja'. She was on some sort of suicide mission and it would be death by her own hand. The first suicide attempt was during cardio. Gym Ninja set the incline to 15% and decided it would be a good idea to perform sprint intervals....and yes, up the 15% incline.  Now the thing with the anaerobic threshold training is that you can gauge when you are in it usually by your heart rate. However there can also be a 'handy little way' that the human body also lets you know...and that is in the form of nausea.  Gym Ninja spent 20 minutes battling to prevent herself from being sick. Unfortunately though for GN, her trainer was herself and there was no WAY she was allowing herself to stop, despite how much her lungs burned, her legs complained & the fact that it was no too late in the day to watch Childrens TV as she trained. 

Hmm. Gym Ninja was STILL alive, albeit now with an overwhelming feeling of nausea and shaky legs. This did NOT bode well for the rest of the workout.  On route to locate some dumbbells for the Farmers Walk, Gym Ninja nearly ended up with a red headed girl embedded in her face. WTF? The girl was walking in the opposite direction, plenty of space between GN and her and yet at the VERY last minute, the Red Head swerved right into Gym Ninja's path, causing her to go a gym-based emergency stop. Meanwhile, Red Head sauntered on her journey, most likely chuckling to herself that she managed to play a game of walking chicken with GymNinja. 


Gym Ninja began the Farmers Walks carrying heavy dumbbells. To be honest, her glutes had only just recovered from doing them 3 days before, so quite WHY she was hellbent on doing them again was anyone's guess? This time, Gym Ninja managed to find space on the indoor track which meant she could lunge freely and crank up the reps and sets. Suicide mission!  By the fourth and final set of 20 (yep, suicide indeed) Gym Ninja was half dead. Still feeling queazy and now with legs made of jelly, Gym Ninja racked the dumbbells and went to fry her hamstrings on the Seated Hamstring Curl.  Ow.

Half falling, half stumbling off the machine, Gym Ninja then found herself gravitating towards the Hammer Strength Leg Press and loaded up 50kgs of plates either side. Not too shoddy considering her legs had been battered with the lunges, yet still heavy enough to mean Gym Ninja had to battle to prevent herself being crushed to a pulp before she had chance to secure the weights. See? Kamikaze!

The final of just 4 exercises for lower body was another for the hamstrings. This time the ever so slightly humiliating (or titillating, depending on what mood a girl is in) Lying Hamstring Curl. Day off from Deadlifts today! Nothing like lying face down, lycra-clad with ones arse in the air to draw attention to oneself!  Strange how many men suddenly feel the need to stop & chat nearby too? Always seems to happen near the Lying Leg Curl...hmm....

By now Gym Ninja had burning legs and constant nausea, so it was time to finish off with just one 5 minute circuit of 'Hellfire Ab's (an intense timed circuit of 5 ab exercises back to back with no rest) before stretching out and falling down the spiral staircase that lead back to the changing rooms.  There really should be a special lift for those who have just completed a leg training day. Spiral staircases are horrendous at the best of times, let alone when one is walking like a newborn giraffe.  

Downing the post workout shake was tough. Nausea was here to stay yet to skip such a vital window of post-workout refuelling would be foolhardy, so down it went. May as well chuck an apple down one's neck too whilst one is running the gauntlet of vomiting...

Gym Ninja left the gym today walking a little like one of those small plastic wind-up toys. The type that have feet interlocked and barely manage to put one foot in front of the other, before spinning slightly & curving left & right before topping over. Luckily the toppling happened once Gym Ninja reached her car. Only 3 people saw....