Friday, 15 October 2010

Saturday Slaughter is back baby!

Lookey lookey! A gym blog!

YAY! Finally!

Yep, 2 weekends ago Gym Ninja hit up her usual Saturday Slaughter Session. Ahh, it' s always good to start the weekend working up a sweat of some sort.  Gym Ninja dragged herself out of bed, packed her bag (well, her GYM bag-she wasn't running away from home remember) & set out for the gym. 

At the gym reception, a burly man was stood blocking the entrance, whistling along awkwardly to Madonna's Get Into The Groove. SO wrong a song choice to whistle along to Mr! Anyway, on with the story. Gym Ninja stuffed her gym bag into the locker and after a quick warm up went upstairs towards the Spin Studio, an hour of hardcore sweating awaiting her...


Sat on Gym Ninja's regular 'creature of habit I do not like change' spin bike.....was .... a girl.

Whoah there lady! You must be new? GYM NINJA sits on that bike! ........

Sat on the bike next to Gym Ninja's now STOLEN bike was Dangly Cross Man. Now that was a betrayal and a half as he knew that was Gym Ninja's bike Goddamit! Why didn't he protect it?

With eyes the size of saucers due to incredulity of the situation (Dangly should have prevented the poor innocent woman from  stealing Gym Ninja's place in front of the aircon vent) Gym Ninja slinked further into the room.  The Spin Instructor greeted her with a 'where have YOU been lately' comment &  smile.

"Er, more importantly, what's going on HERE?" Gestured Gym Ninja, waggling her hand towards the stolen bike.

"Ahh, she's ok. She's my mate." Smiled the Spin Instructor. 

Great. Pfft!

Next minute...


Gee thanks Spin Instructor. How 'terribly' subtle.

The girl turned and looked at GN.  

"Oh sorry, shall I get off it?"  

Gym Ninja looked at the girl. Bugger.

"No no, don't be silly, it's not MY bike. It's just that I usually always every single week sit there, that's all. It's not 'mine' per say . Stay where you are, honestly, it's not a problem."

*cue forced smile*

"Are you sure? I can get off it you know. It's no problem". 

At this, the bike thief started to dismount.


You know when you WANT them to do it? To get off the bike? Yet you know you can't actually allow them to do so for fear of being rumbled in terms of how pedantic you are?


With a casual 'it really doesn't matter' wave, Gym Ninja sat on another bike. 


This bike felt funny. Stupid new bike...

Realising her water bottle was empty, GN then hopped off the nasty new bike & headed out to the water fountain. Already there was Spin Instructor.

"My mate was asking about you today!" She said, smirking.

Gym Ninja looked blank.

Spin Instructor elaborated.

"Remember him? The Fighter? He came to spin ages ago & really fancies you? He asked whether the fit girl would be there today. He meant you!"

Now Gym Ninja DID recall the Fighter. How could one not? When a ripped guy strides into a darkened Spin Room a girl does tend to clock him. In fact he made it to two sessions before Spin Instructor stuck him up on the bike at the front of the class, then part way through came over to Gym Ninja who was drowning in her own sweat. switched her mic off and whispered "My mate fancies you!"  jerking her head back in the direction (& RIGHT in the line of vision) of the Fighter. 

Awkward was NOT the word. Needless to say he'd never come back since! 

'I told him you'd had two weeks off spin whilst your new tattoo across your arse healed. He loved that!" 

At this, Spin Instructor elbowed Gym Ninja in the ribs, laughed evilly and walked off.

Great. How terribly embarrassing!

The hour of spin went slowly, partly due to the new unknown bike that recreated a bicycle version of 'Princess & The Pea' with Gym Ninja's backside.  Damn you Bike Thief!  Now Gym Ninja was almost ruined for all men!!!!  Hobbling out of the session like a broken Rodeo Rider, Gym Ninja headed to a stretch area to cool off and stretch out. That'd be the stretch area overlooking the Hydropool. Hmm.

The Hydropool was full of it's usual 'types'. A smattering of incredibly hairy men rocking so much body hair you could see it all matted and tangling from the first floor. It's when the hair on their torso is so long you can see it fanning out onto the surface of the water that tests the stomach! Then there was the Frisky Couple. Usually facially challenged (ugly if being less politically correct) who are rubbing up against each other, oblivious to the looks of disgust from those seated near them.  There is the Pervy Man. He sits bang in the middle of the Hydropool right opposite the steps leading in/out so he has the best view of all the women as they leave. Pervy Man never blinks.  He does slobber excessively though.  Then there are the group of teenage boys who sit  together staring at any girl walking past or using the Hydropool. They look a tad uncomfortable and usually have their hands below the waterline... 

As you can probably gather, today would not be a day Gym Ninja wished to use the Hydropool, so once showered, changed & replenished with her Maximuscle Promax Shake, Gym Ninja made a sharp exit away from stolen Spin Bikes, Matchmaking with Fighters and The Circus in a Hydropool......