Friday, 22 October 2010

Rushed Ninja

Another Saturday (OK so it's 6 days late), another Saturday Slaughter Session.......or was it?

Gym Ninja opened her eyes......Saturday, and her alarm was yet to go off. This was good. It is good to wake before the alarm. Allows the body a bit more time to come to, wake up and.....AHHHHHHR!

The alarm clock flashed up 8.58am.



Gym Ninja set's her alarm on a Saturday for 7.30am. This allows her time to wake up slowly, get showered, have a couple of mugs of tea, get dressed & fed/watered before packing up her gym bag & heading out of the door by 9.15am.  Then it's a 15-20 min drive to the gym depending on traffic and time to warm up before the 10am hour of Extreme Spin that starts off a typical Saturday Slaughter Session.

Firstly, HOW come Gym Ninja's neighbour, who usually has a determined streak focussed on making as much early morning noise as possible via the adjoining wall, had remained quiet today? Had she have begun with her usual 'where's the missing object from the chest of drawers against the wall' game then Gym Ninja would never have overslept! This meant Gym Ninja now had exactly 22 minutes to get up & out of the house. NOT possible for one so slow at waking surely???

This is how it went.

8.58am: Woke up. Saw time. Panicked. Leapt out of bed.
8.58am and 30 seconds:  Cat fell off the bed having been cuddled up close, fast asleep.
9.00am: Galloped downstairs, two cats running alongside Gym Ninja like whippets!
9.01am: Cat food on cats heads due to more-haste-less-speed moment. Kettle on. 
9.02am: Wheat Free Pitta in toaster, back upstairs to get ready.
9.12am: Back downstairs, hair fashioned in the drag-through-hedge-backwards style. Pitta now stone cold.
9.13am: Tea made, cold, brittle pitta filled with cottage cheese & stuffed down face whilst scooping Promax protein powder into shaker bottle. Gym bag packed.
9.14am: Cats faff at patio doors deciding whether to go out or not? Gym Ninja pushes cats bottoms out of door. Yep. You wanted to go out!
9.15am: BCAAs popped, energy drink downed, cats dish trodden in by accident.
9.16am: Foot scraped clean of cat food. Bag grabbed. Quest for doorkeys begins.
9.18am: Keys found in first place Gym Ninja looked then returned to, but after also checking 17 other places. 
9.19am: Bag in car, engine on, car reversing down driveway.
9.20am: Car stopped due to cats now rolling in path of car. Cats picked up, carried to house, stuffed through open door. One cat escapes, allows Gym Ninja to chase him for a while, then runs back into house of own accord.
9.21am: Car journey commences.
9.32am: 15-20 minute journey condensed into 12 mins courtesy of jumping a red light & following the racing line.......


By the time Gym Ninja reached the gym, she was more than a little frazzled.

"Where were you last week?" Barked Dangly, frowning at Gym Ninja. 

Gym Ninja wondered.
Where WAS she? Her brain was still asleep.  Ahhh right-London for the weekend with her partner in Crime 'Red' (she is named after the knitted C'Mon Corsa ad character. They have the same lips donchaknow). 

Dangly looked disgusted. 

"Pfft! Yeh right!"

He then turned away, a look of hurt in his eyes.

OMG! Since when did Gym Ninja have to report her diary to the man with the dangly earring?  Jeeeeeeez!

So sat back on her usual spin bike of choice (Dangly was quick to point out that the girl who stole Gym Ninja's bike the other week had now taken a bike at the furthest away point to them since Gym Ninja had done a Kevin The Teenager act when she took it one week), Gym Ninja prepared for an hour of Extreme Spin knowing full well her body had no only barely woken up, but was still digesting breakfast. Should make for an interesting session? 


One hour later, Gym Ninja stumbled out of the session, half dead and still not 100% awake.  Great. Fantastic start to the weekend.  Passing a row of treadmills hiked up to 15% incline with about 5 women hanging on for dear life, Gym Ninja was too tired even to contemplate un-peeling their fingers from the treadmill handles to stop them cheating. Yep. THAT tired and asleep. 

Now, there was much MUCH more to this blog post than is now typed up. However Gym Ninja currently has the brain of a goldfish, so when new things come into the front of her brain, the older stuff falls back out of the other side, lost forever Possibly it's just as well? This will allow Gym Ninja to ensure she types up her blog in a less tardy manner in future.  There is a vague recollection of a few things that did happen or catch Gym Ninja's eye, such as the man with the dimply deltoids, the girl who runs like a horse galloping (Gym Ninja needs to decide if she has a plastic leg (well, Ok so no 'plastic' but you know that's it!),  the PJ Boys & something about a very old lady bending over naked in the changing rooms....hmm, maybe Gym Ninja didn't 'forget'? Maybe her brain blanked it out due to trauma??????? 

So with great apologies, this blog post now endeth abruptly.  Pfft!