Tuesday, 26 October 2010

Gun Show

Ooh, who'd have thought that Gym Ninja was FINALLY back on track (ish) and blogging AGAIN without a 57 day delay? Let us not, however, get ahead of ourselves. Plenty of time for that!

Gym Ninja, having been inspired after a particularly evil Personal Training Session inflicted on a client who barely made it through alive (and yet did, which is always a good sign & less damaging to Gym Ninja's Personal Liability Insurance), was all geared up for a quality session of her own. But first, she nipped in on route to the gym to visit her nephew & niece. 

Gym Ninja's nephew 'M' is 10. He has unfeasibly long big toes(the other toes are normal size) & hair like a thatched cottage roof.  Gym Ninja's niece 'T' is 3, super cute and calls high heels Gym Ninja shoes'. Bless.  It was half term so both were at home.  Gym Ninja was snacking on sushi when M came to chat. 

"Is that all you eat?" M asked?

Poor M. Never ask Gym Ninja about what she eats or you'll receive a 5 minute ramble on her eating habits. M never does learn!  The talk then turned to fitness. M declared himself unfit.

"You cannot be unfit, as you do Judo" Reminded Gym Ninja.

M shook his head.

"I AM unfit. I got puffed out running from the living room to the kitchen just then" He said, looking a bit dismayed.  Now to Gym Ninja, who lives & breathes fitness (oh and sparkly glittery things...and gadgets....) that was a trigger to the layman's speech on aerobic and anaerobic energy systems within the body. Anaerobic became 'Rocket Fuel'.

To be fair, Gym Ninja thought she was doing a good enough job, however M started to glaze over, nodded his head a few times, looked around the kitchen and then darted out of the room before Gym Ninja had even finished the rocket fuel analogy ...


So Gym Ninja decided to head to the gym where like minded folk went. OK, so maybe not quite like minded. A bit similar? Hmm, not even that. OK so Gym Ninja was in the same building as them ok?

Gym Ninja began with her 'Do as I say, NOT as I do' method of training. Gym Ninja hits cardio first. Yeh yeh yeh, even Gym Ninja tells clients to start with weights and finish with cardio, but again to reiterate, it just doesn't WORK for Gym Ninja. She ALWAYS loses the drive to do the cardio, so as a freak of nature, Gym Ninja begins with hardcore sweating!  

Back to the story. A 20 minute HIIT run was on the cards. Gym Ninja warmed up and cranked up the treadmill for her run. Luckily she'd chosen the perfect time for her session as it was slap bang in the middle of Kids TV. YAY! Sadly, her favourite show Ooglies  (a link for your convenience is supplied!) was not on....pfft, however Sean The Sheep WAS! Fantastic!

It must look very odd to see Gym Ninja crank out sprint intervals whilst laughing out loud at Sean The Sheep?  Whatever gets a girl through her session huh? That and the latest Album from MOS 'The Rush' Worth a purchase on iTunes if you need dance tracks to get you through cardio. 

As Gym Ninja cooled down from her run, she noticed the man on the adjacent treadmill. He was running with floppy hands. Jazz Hands! Do you recall Jazz Hands Man from months ago? Here he was again, hands flailing like rubber comedy hands, fingers waggling like jelly. SO glad that wasn't spotted mid-run or else it'd ruin the session.

Now unbeknown to Gym Ninja, today was the day of 'The Gun Show'. 
Well, Gym Ninja 'assumes' this to be the case, as everywhere she turned her eyes she was hit by an almighty pair of well-sculpted arms with amazingly defined delts capping them. Mmm. Gym Ninja has a soft spot for arms like that! Add to the mix half or full sleeve tattoos and OMG, it's enough to make the sulky faced Ninja crack a smile.  The gym was crawling with amazing arms!  Bejeeezus. best head into the women only section seeing as it was impossible to concentrate.....

The Womens Gym area was almost deserted. Terribly untidy too, considering women use it. Does NO-ONE pick  dumbbells up and rack them anymore? Bright purple stability balls were scattered across the floor like rubbery tumbleweed.  Gym Ninja tripped over an Ab Cradle.


Damned Ab Cradles. Take them away from GymNinja's line of vision. Useless gimmicky things! Endless rows of beached women lined up on the floor, stuffed into an Ab Cradle, arms lolloping over the top of the frame, elbows slumped o the pads, desperately trying to drag themselves up off the floor whilst their arms battle against them, pinning them straight back down again. Burn the lot of them! (The Ab Cradles, not the women BTW).

OK. Rant Over.

Today was an Upper Body Day & Gym Ninja worked in supersets of compound & isolation moves for the chest, back, shoulders and then finishing up with arms.  Apart from two girls who came in half way through the session, the area was pretty much deserted. Unfortunately the two girls training were very distracting. The first girl, we shall call her Ballerina thanks to her habit of standing with one leg curled around the other as she faffed with dumbells, arching her lower back into lordosis as she did so, was alone at first, performing wobbly Overhead Triceps Extensions whilst straining her lower back. Her friend, Girl 2 (aka Gossip) walked into the room and shouted over to Ballerina to say hi.

Ballerina, already in danger if smashing a hole in her skull due to a barely controlled dumbbell above her head, turned around, saw Gossip and began to walk towards her, chatting.....an STILL performing wobbly  Overhead Triceps Extensions. Almost as if she had forgotten she was doing so? Once in front of Gossip, she again wrapped one leg behind the other, arched her back and continued to exercise whilst chatting. HOW many reps are you doing lady? Jeeez! Sometimes Gym Ninja would do well to wear blinkers whilst training...

Post workout, Gym Ninja went to get her bag & out of it took her post workout supplements. Not magic bullets. No. Supplements. They 'supplement' a healthy balanced nutrition plan so don't be rushing out hoping that some shakes and pills will counteract the damage of a bag of Haribo and a FatDonalds Fatty meal! 

What is Gym Ninja's post workout preferences?  Tadaaaaaaaaa! Behold....

The beloved Maximuscle Promax protein in Choc Mint (yum), some BCAAs (branch chain amino acids) and L-Glutamine (another amino acid that aids recovery).  Yes, of course Gym Ninja received some dodgy 'OMG THAT GIRL IS ON DRUGS' looks, but then if the girls shooting the looks have arms like wet noodles and midsections like 'Available for hire Bouncy Castles' then who cares?  

So with that 'tasty little snack' consumed, Gym Ninja could now exit stage left, her work here done for another day. 

Gym Ninja x