Wednesday, 7 July 2010

Twice in one Day

Gym Ninja survived The Race For Life! Just in case you all though she hadn't due to the lack of blogging (yet again!). The day began on the train where Gym Ninja got kitted out in her 'team' outfit of fairy wings, tiara and pink tutu. The run was fun..only 5k and barely a run/jog/walk/gab thanks to the continual bottlenecks of women throughout the course. But £300 was raised (yes £200 short of target but it all counts eh?) and Gym Ninja felt virtuous...

SO virtuous in fact that, later that afternoon, she decided to......go to the gym! Yep. Two workouts in a day. This second one was 'sans fairy wings' of course.  Once at the gym another 5k was run, this time on the treadmill and without 4000 women in pink getting under her feet.  Leg work swiftly followed. Plenty of multi-directional lunges in a part of the gym that appeared to have abandoned all hope of ever getting the aircon to work. Cute!  But really, having felt SO virtuous for doing a charity run AND a second workout, all Gym Ninja could focus on was her new 'craze' the Hydropool as her reward. Throughout the leg work, Gym Ninja closely monitored the Hydropool for signs of excessive hairiness, dodgy swingers or other odd looking people. Considering it was the weekend, the Hydropool appeared remarkably quiet.

After the workout ended, abs were done, stretches complete and Promax protein shake quaffed, Gym Ninja changed into her military themed camouflage bikini and walked through the changing area towards the magic door that led to the pool side.  As Gym Ninja passe the toilets, she could hear a mother and child inside a cubicle. As seems to be compulsory with any child under 3 in a gym environment, the child inside the cubicle was wailing loudly....

"Ahhhhhhhhr!!!!' The child screamed

"Ahhhhhr! I don't LIKE poo,  I like Wee! AHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRR!"

Oh dear God. Really? Too much information small child thank you very much.

"Look, you have to do it ok?" Answered the mother.

"But I don't want to poo. I want to wee" continued the child at the top of his voice.

"Are you sure?' Questioned the mother nervously? "Don't be doing it in the pool now will you?"

See? This is one of MANY reasons why Gym Ninja will not take up swimming. Sneaky child poo bombs in the water. Yuk!

Anyway, Gym Ninja was by the Magic Door now so through it she went and walked towards the Hydropool. It only had 2 other people in it and yet those people had switched the jets up high, so the pool was like a rabid dog, all foamy and bubbly. At least Gym Ninja HOPED the foaming bubbles were caused by the jets...?  Gym Ninja waded in very carefully, clinging to the side of the pool and made her way to her usual spot, being careful to dodge the tickle jet that often catches the sole of Gym Ninja's foot, launching her up a few meters into the air.....

A man waded towards the Cooker Hood device and cranked it up so that a torrent of water blasted out of it and splattered all over his back....Great! Spray-back! Huge fat droplets of water that were rebounding off the man's back, complete with skin cells were now splatting into Gym Ninja's face. EWWWWWWWWWWWW!  Yet Gym Ninja had nowhere to go! Nowhere! The force of that jet hitting that man meant that if Gym Ninja tried to squeeze past between him and the force of the water, then it was quite possible that she may get blasted with his hair that had been ripped from the follicles of his skin! Gym Ninja recalled the stories she had heard in the past about how hairdressers often get ingrown hairs from customers growing out of their arms etc...Gym Ninja did NOT want to risk having a snowy white man hair growing from her elbow no thank you!!!!!!! Yuk! Again, this was not turning into a relaxing post-workout ritual that was expected.

The moment the cooker hood jet stopped, Gym Ninja exited the pool. Go go go! Time to shower off the other person's skin cells. Heading down the bank of shower cubicles, all the usual ones GN used (the ones that had a smidgen of light thanks to the poor lighting placement above them) were taken. This left a bank of showers all labelled with the following....


Oh great. Gym Ninja was about to be boiled to death. However at least it would kill off the other guy's skin cells no?  Gym Ninja picked a Death Shower Cubicle. Remember everyone, these showers use the old fashioned (aka tight as f*ck) method of controlling water flow. There is one button to the shower that you press repeatedly to get water of one pre-determined temperature. Constant button pressing is necessary if constant water is needed.   Gym Ninja gingerly leaned towards the push just push it once so the water streams out briefly so that she can determine exactly what temperature  'HOTTER THAN NORMAL' is nowadays.

Would it be:

Centre of a bowl of microwaved porridge hot?
Arm stuck down the side of a radiator in winter hot?
Centre of the Sun hot?


With an almighty blast worthy of Ron Jeremy the Porn Star (unheard of in these showers which usually whimper and spit a small trickle of water at you) the one single press that Gym Ninja did unleashed a torrent of continual forceful water....................ICE COLD water!


That was it! Sweaty un-airconditioned gym session + vocal poo/wee child + splattered skin cells + ice cold shower = NOT a relaxing workout!  

With that, Gym Ninja quickly finished up, dried herself down, got dressed and ran out of the gym.

See you all back here tomorrow!!!!

Gym Ninja x