Friday, 3 September 2010

Open Ninja

Ok, so this isn't quite a ladylike blog title now is it?

Gym Ninja herself wasn't open. No. Gym Ninja had been invited to participate in a 'Ladies Only' Open Evening and it was an opportunity to promote GN's soon-to-be-launched PT business. It would cost Gym Ninja nothing, other than 2 hours of her time. What is that in the great scheme of things? Why it is an opportunity, that is what it is!

The Open Evening was to be held at a Showroom of a well-known car dealers locally. All their female existing and potential new buyers were invited to attend to view the girly range of cars and to stuff a few ill-chosen food-shaped nutrient free lumps into their mouths. As they circled the balloon adorned cars, they would also be able to mooch at the carefully chosen (for maximum stereotypical effect) businesses that may 'also appeal'. This included a Make Up Company, The Body Shop (high street products not the re-spray car repairs), a jeweller and yours truly, Gym Ninja. Alongside these girly companies were a representative of the RAC and the Police.


Betcha wish you had an invite huh? No need for Gym Ninja to tell you that the balloons were pink either really is there?

Now Gym Ninja had wangled an invite as Mum Ninja knew the organiser. It would cost nothing and who knows what may come of it? So Gym Ninja packed up some flyers, business cards and a file showing some Testimonials and off she went.

The Car Show room was nothing to write home about. A cute convertible prettied up with balloons and a few tables scattered around the edges for the various stereotypes to set their wares on. Gym Ninja was on the table next to the policeman and the RAC man who were both sat looking bored.

Within minutes a girl had cannon-balled over to Gym Ninja. An old school friend by all accounts. Apparently Gym Ninja has 'changed' (after much looking up & down of her body). This was the best opener that the old school chum could muster up.

Changed you say? From the school days over a decade ago? Fancy!

"Ha ha, can you get me a body like yours?" Laughed the school friend, nodding towards Gym Ninja.

"Yes'" Replied Gym Ninja.

The school friend looked taken aback, looked at her watch and then making her excuses, almost ran across the showroom from whence she came. Ahh, the fear of hard work had sent her scurrying off.

As the open event began to fill up, Gym Ninja couldn't help but notice that the moment the guests realised that there was a Personal Trainer in the room, that they cut out the corner where GN was. Usually this was done in an obvious manner. A couple of women would wander slowly past  the tables, mooching at the jewellery and make up, then turn around, see the Personal Trainer, recoil in horror, look down at their paper plate piled high with sausage rolls, sandwiches, crisps and a token cupcake, glance back at Gym Ninja, grasp the arm of their friend and quickly scuttle away.


Unfortunately for everyone, fitness is NOT contagious. What did these women think would happen? That Gym Ninja would leap over the table, wrestle their plate from their hands, stamp on it then force them to drop and give her 20?   Dear GOD people!

Eventually, a few interested (or merely confused?) ladies came over to Gym Ninja.

"Oooh, a Personal Trainer huh?" Said an older woman with white hair and bottle top glasses.  The woman gave Gym Ninja's body the once-over.

"Of course I assume there are age limitations?" She simpered, pushing a cake into her mouth.

Gym Ninja was having none of it! After a brief yet seemingly affective pep talk about age being no limit/use it or lose it and so on, Gym Ninja soon had the woman filling in her details and entering the prize draw to win a month of free torture at the very hands of Gym Ninja. Mwahahaha!

Within 10 minutes the policeman had wandered over for a chat. He was dressed in 'civvies' and was muttering about how many times he'd been asked to show a woman a car.

"They think I'm a bloody car salesman!" He muttered, scowling.

Gym Ninja nodded sympathetically.

"I'm simply here to talk to them about personal security. I mean, some of the have NO commons sense. If you're going to leave your handbag on the passenger seat of a car in a dodgy part of town then do not be surprised if it gets stolen." He shook his head with a 'would you believe it' look on his face.

One of the showroom staff walked past Gym Ninja's table with a tray of wine.

"Oooh aren't you good drinking water? Can you get me a body like yours?" She smiled, as she walked past Gym Ninja, her eyes telling a different story. The smile may have said 'good' yet the eyes said 'weirdo'. Gee thanks. The old 'body like yours' line again.

Meanwhile at the table opposite, the make up artist was attempting to make a silk purse out of a sows ear.  She was daubing on some industrial strength make up onto a woman who's eyebrows were blatantly a stranger to tweezers.  It was fascinating, as the more make up the woman added, the closer to Les Dawson the victim became.

A few more brave ladies eventually sauntered over to speak with Gym Ninja and marvel at the 'Before & After' testimonial file.   Would you readers care to guess the most popular comment that came from their lips? Yup!....

"Can you get me a body like yours?"  One of the ladies said, laughing and nudging her friends as she did so.
The friends also laughed.
"Yeh, I'd like a body like yours too. Can you get me a body like yours?"


"Yes". Replied Gym Ninja.

Again, their faces fell, terrified of being roped in to some hard work at the gym and then they swiftly moved on. Seriously, if you don't WANT a body like Gym Ninja's then don't ask the question.

After the sudden flurry of interest had passed, along came the RAC man.

"So, er, how much do you charge?" He enquired, whilst pretending to read a flyer. Had he only have realised the flyer in question was a price list then perhaps Gym Ninja needn't have given him one of her 'looks'?  However Gym Ninja should probably be grateful that HE didn't ask the 'Can I have a body like yours' line.

"I could probably do with this you know, as it's so hard when driving around all day." RAC man rolled his eyes whilst rubbing his substantial belly and stuffing another sandwich into his mouth. Gym Ninja nodded, told him to keep the price list and to give her a call if he wanted a consultation.  He would, of course, be required to leave the sandwich elsewhere should he decide to book in? Meanwhile, in the background, the policeman was busy explaining to a couple of elderly ladies that he wasn't actually a car salesman....they appeared confused.

As the evening wound down, the policeman came back over and handed Gym Ninja a pen.

"Here you go." He muttered. 'Have one of these.  You may think it's a normal pen, but I can assure you it's not. It's a Security marker. You can mark all your stuff with your post code. Shows up in a special light so  when it's found it can be returned to you. That's assuming it ever DOES get found of course..."

OMG the world's most pessimistic policeman!

After 2 hours the event wound up and everyone began to pack up and leave. More ladies trailed past Gym Ninja's table,  guiltily holding up their plates of junk food and glasses of wine and giving GN their best 'Ooops, ah well what can you do?' face, with the odd 'Can you get me a body like yours' comment chucked in for good measure.


Why ask? WHY ask? if you feel guilty and are at the stage when you know it's starting to be detrimental to your health, then why carry on when faced with an opportunity to ask for help and advice? Advice is free. Motivation is offered as standard.

But then Gym Ninja was completely distracted from this heartfelt soul searching when Les Dawson teetered past.......

Gym Ninja x