Wednesday, 9 June 2010

Butter Ninja

So...a late blogging update. AGAIN!
Seriously, where does the time go now that Gym Ninja suffered the Fondant Fancy (see older blogs for what that means!)? Remarkable!

Anyhow, Gym Ninja may as well update you as to the Monday and Tuesday gym sessions, as neither one alone is able to sustain your greedy hunger. Both combined may suffice..?


Gym Ninja was in a bit of a playful mood Monday. Having eaten a tad carb-heavy over the weekend, GN decided it was back to 'Eating clean keeps me lean' (to be chanted throughout the day). That plus bionic level workouts should sort any carb hangover out good and proper (as the saying goes).

Most of the day was spent writing up a fitness and nutrition plan for a new online client based over in America. It's really time consuming as every person and their requirements are different, so not only does Gym Ninja have to ensure that the programme will help them reach their goals, but  also needs to take into account any available equipment, preferences, time restraints etc. Once that was done, it was time to hit the gym.

Now for some reason, Gym Ninja had an attack of the 'smirks' whilst driving. As she pulled into the car park, something amusing fluttered through her mind, causing her to break out into a big grin...exactly as she passed a rather alarmed looking guy. PAH!
Now Gym Ninja looks simple!
However, now Gym Ninja found this to be amusing too, got out of the car, walked towards the main doors (still grinning like a looney) and BAM!
Spotted by another person.
Gym Ninja will surely be branded as one of those weirdos who walk along smiling 'out loud' to themselves....Best snap out of it and go into 'Workout Lockdown' mode ....

Gym Ninja's run was effortless today. Probably due to the excess of carbs over the weekend that would ensure the muscles were full of glycogen to fuel the run, but mostly due to the excess of buff arms sported by equally buff men at the gym. It makes for a very scenic treadmill workout. ;-)

Once the rather 'scenic' run was complete, and as the gym was busy, Gym Ninja decided it would be foolhardy to linger in the main gym simply because of the arm candy, so headed to the safety of the ladies only gym.

Once in there, Gym Ninja selected the weights required and set up camp at the corner of the room. In the corner of her eye, Gym Ninja noticed a Personal Trainer meandering around the room.....

Now this PT is older and Gym Ninja has noticed does tend to be one of the few who target the women only area (clever guy)...wandering around, approaching women and offering to show them a few moves (ooer!).

 Today he had a resistance tubing move and he was hand picking women to 'play with his tube!' 
*Insert your own Frankie Howard/Benny Hill/Sid James style voice here*

As Gym Ninja attempted to work her legs, she could not help but watch as the PT became VERY hands on. Now being hands on is often essential to guide a client into the correct position or to help them get the mind/body connection. You ask the client if they are OK with it? They  then say yay or nay.

However this guy was ALL Over the women. Touching ALL the time. Not in any dodgy areas, but all the same, excessively. It really started to unnerve Gym Ninja. Made her feel all uncomfortable. At one point he got so hands on that Gym Ninja feared the client was one hand-span away from becoming a Glove Puppet.....!
In the end, it was no good. GN would have to cut her workout short and leave the room. It was like an Open Day for Midwifery in there.......


Ahh, Tuesday my old friend.  It seems like SO long ago.
Well Tuesday brought a big fat job interview. Yep.
OK so less 'interview' and more 'informal discussion' regarding another location where Gym Ninja could potentially work out of as a PT. Of course fees always need to be paid, so Gym Ninja was interested to hear what the guy had to say.
Pimp Gym Ninja out Mr!

As this was a non-active interview Gym Ninja was unsure as to what 'theme' she should be? No point rocking up in fitness gear now was there? Plus the location (luxury waterfront hotel) meant that she'd probably not get past the door if she did. Hmm.
Of course, the whole 'suited and booted' option was too OTT as well. So..what to wear?

In the end Gym Ninja decided to go as a 'girl'. Black knee length dress, black peep-toe heels and a cute belted trench coat. Now Gym Ninja felt a little like a French Spy!
Spy Ninja!

On route, however, Gym Ninja found herself to be incredibly distracted by a trailer trash style denim bikini, on sale for a rather bargainous £12.  It'd seem rude to pass up on that eh? Yes, only Gym Ninja can buy an unnecessary bikini on route to a job interview....

The bikini bought, Gym aka Spy Ninja, then stood by the Shopping Mall lifts to check on her mobile emails. Oooh an email! Excellent! Best reply to it straight away.

"Excuse me. Does this lift take you down to the carpark love?" Asked a woman with a pram.

Spy Ninja looked up.

"I've no clue, sorry" Before continuing with her email.

"Do you know if it goes to the store level then?" Continued the woman.
"Only I need the car park you see"


Spy Ninja stopped emailing and looked at the woman.

*Deep Breath*

"To be honest, I have NO clue where the lift goes, as I am in no way related or linked to the lifts in any way, shape or form, so unfortunately I cannot be of any assistance".

AHHHR! People!

Spy Ninja made her way to the venue, slid into the hotel lobby and ordered a cup of tea.

"I'll bring it over" Said the man at the bar, so Spy Ninja took a seat in the lobby to wait for the tea, and the Gym Pimp to arrive.

2 minutes later Spy Ninja had a teapot, cup and saucer and a rack of egg timers in front of her...

Apparently when the black sand ran out that meant that the loose tea had steeped long enough in the pot and her cuppa was ready.

Spy Ninja's first thought..
"OMG how impressive?"

Spy Ninja's second thought..
'I'm SO not gonna be able to afford to pay for this...!"

As Spy Ninja sipped her billion pound cup of tea that was only just lukewarm, she spotted a figure in the distance that appeared to be the Gym Pimp. What to do?

A) Go over and risk looking as if GN was doing a runner from the billion pound cuppa?
B)  Stay seated and miss out on a job interview.

A or B?
A or B?

Ah well. Who needs an interview?

Luckily Gym Pimp came over and introduced himself, and a rather interesting discussion commenced which has now resulted in a follow up practical session next week. Stay tuned........ Oh and in case you are wondering, Gym Pimp offered Spy Ninja a second cuppa (this time without fancy egg timer) and so when Spy Ninja departed she walked out with a 'He will pick up the tab' kind of a face.

Did a runner!!!!

Later that evening Gym Ninja headed to the gym. Today it would be Cross Trainer cardio, and oooh, lucky lucky Gym Ninja managed to get the Cross Trainer next to the Worlds Nosiest Woman who HAD to look and stare and turn her head around like an owl to look at every single person that walked past.

Gym Ninja was also to drop her iPhone for the first time next to Nosy Woman. The first of 7 times it was dropped during that workout! Seriously! What is WRONG with Gym Ninja? Admittedly 2 of those times happened after GN had done some Zottman Curls and Spider Curls for her biceps, but it was just utter clumsiness  prior to that!  Plus it had to be clumsiness as Gn also managed to loop and twang her earphones over various pieces of resistance kit 3 times.

Ahh, not much of the gym stuff in that was there? This is why Gym Ninja fills you all up on faffy interview fodder instead.

More you will then get the follow up to LAST week's Gym Pimp Midget story..... ;-)

Gym Ninja x