Thursday, 3 June 2010


Gym Ninja has been rather busy, hence the hit & miss blogging you are encountering.
Normal Service will be resumed at some point.

Anyhow, as a reward for your perseverance, Gym Ninja shall today regale you with her job interview, and tomorrow you are guaranteed 'part two', detailing today's  trip to the gym. Spoiled, the lot of you!

Today Gym Ninja had an interview. The role was via a fitness agency who subcontract out trainers to gyms. No other info was known about this so Gym Ninja went with an open (aka fairly closed already) mind....out to a gym (part of a chain) in a bit of an odd place. Odd as in 'home of the interbred', in case you were wondering?

Gym Ninja arrived and was invited to wait in the main reception, as the Interviewer  had not yet arrived.

10 minutes later and someone introduced himself to Gym Ninja.

"Hi, you must be Ninja?" Said a voice.

Gym Ninja turned to the sound and in front of her stood a boy of 12. Actually, a grown man but with a face of a boy of 12.
Gym Ninja smiled.

"Would you like to move to this table please as there is a socket for my laptop?".

Boy of 12 gestured to a table near the wall so Gym Ninja stood up to follow him.


Gym Ninja quickly looked down at the floor, to see why Boy of 12 was standing in a hole?


*raises eyebrow*

Boy of 12 was not standing in a hole. Boy of 12 is teeeeeeeeny tiny.

Gym Ninja followed the midget to the next table and sat down, whilst he faffed with his laptop.

"Did you find us OK?" He asked.

Gym Ninja hates that question & is always tempted to reply with a 'no'.

"Yes, yes no problems" Replied Gym Ninja, forcing that smile.

"Gooooooood" He replied.
"I'm just setting the laptop up as I need to show you some spreadsheets soon."

Gym Ninja nodded.

"Did you find us OK?"

Seriously? You're asking Gym Ninja the question AGAIN?

Gym Ninja decided to ignore the question, and listened politely as Boy of 12 asked her what she knew about the service his company offered?

"Well, as I understand it, as a Fitness Agent, you get some sort of cut for hiring me out...a bit like a Pimp?"  

Yes, that WAS the word that fell from GN's mouth. Remarkable!

Boy of 12 looked alarmed, admitted he'd never been called a Pimp before, and then began his explanation.  

In a nutshell, what they do is charge all Personal Trainers a £500 MONTHLY license fee, and then the PT is free to work as and when they wish. For this, Gym Ninja would get use of the facilities and the opportunity to approach the sweaty members.

"So, let me clarify if I may, what it is you offer for this £500 monthly fee? I get the use of the gym and I can approach the members right?"

Boy of 12 nodded.

"Anything else for the £500? Anything YOU actually do?"  Asked Gym Ninja, hoping that there would be...

Turns out, having rephrased the same two things (access to the gym and the members) 5 times in response to Gym Ninja repeating her question as many times, it turns out they do sweet FA......

"The first month is free..." Announced Boy of 12, as if to tempt Gym Ninja into trying the role.

At this Gym Ninja showed a glimmer of interest.

"All you have to pay is a start up cost of £350. That covers 2 days of sales training and you get shown how to do the computer work. Oh and yeh you need to pay £20 for the top you'll wear with the club logo on it".

At this, Boy of 12 pointed to his cheap, tacky baggy Tee Shirt made out of fabric that would produce enough static electricity to power Milton Keynes for a fortnight...

*cue unimpressed stare from Gym Ninja*

Anyhow, the 'chat' lasted 2 hours and involved Boy of 12 deciding Gym Ninja would be perfect for another club where they urgently required a female Personal Trainer...that'd be in a town even MORE interbred than the one they were in (gee thanks!). He also regaled GN with how he part exchanged his old Fiesta for a new Corsa. Not exactly an essential Personal Trainer job interview stock question, but something he seemed keen to share nonetheless.

"I know it's a bit tame but I'm not allowed anything else because of the 'wedding'". At this, Boy of 12 rolled his eyes in a slightly embarrassed way.

Gym Ninja decided it would be kinder not to point out that as a Boy of 12, the likelihood of his balls having not dropped yet would explain why he is allowing his fiancĂ© to control his choice of vehicle,  and that when he is 'all grown up' he may be able to progress to something less emasculating?  Gym Ninja also decided this was the Boy of 12's way of ensuring that Gym Ninja knew he was getting laid on a regular basis.
Yeh right...enjoy your midget sex life Boy of 12, for it'll all stop once Mrs Boy of 12 gets that band on her finger!!!!

"So, I think I'd like to invite you back for a second interview and practical session at the other club if that's ok 'Ninj'?"

Boy of 12 smiled.

"It's OK if I call you 'Ninj' isn't it? Only I do it all the time, shorten peoples names. Even if their name is short I cut a letter off!"

Boy of 12 was still smiling.

Gym NINJA was not.

"Hmm, yeh... you see Ninj is what my family call me. Gym Ninja is fine for you I think". Nodded Gym Ninja, smiled, and thenagreed to return the following week purely for the comedy blogging value alone.

So with that, Gym Ninja and Boy of 12 stood up. Gym Ninja crouched down to shake Boy of 12's teeny tiny hand and then made her exit, safe in the knowledge she WILL make him cry when she finally does reject him and his extortionate license fee...

Gym Ninja x