Wednesday, 30 June 2010

Hydro Ninja strikes again

Gym Ninja made it to the Hydropool again!  Well, after the first attempt whereby half of the time spent in there was with water like glass due to Gym Ninja's lack of nerve pressing the mystery red buttons (the ones that power up the bubbles and jets), she thought it was about time she took her newly acquired knowledge and returned to the pool of many germs and put it into action (so to speak).

It was Sunday when Gym Ninja returned to the Hydropool. She'd replaced her usual Saturday Slaughter Session with a Sunday Slaughter Session, as a work meeting to discuss the freelance PT took over Saturday.  So Sunday saw a 1 hour Extreme Hill Climb Spin Session and Gym Ninja was raring to go!

Bloody hot day though! Plus, the Spin Studio had obviously not had any aircon on overnight which meant that the air that was now blowing into the room was 'creepy relative' temperature (you know the temperature of the breath of the weird relative you hate who talks really close to your face and breathes into it?). Gym Ninja walked over to her usual bike, and went to climb on and....oh! Great! The resistance knob was broken! WHO HAD GYM NINJA's BIKE yesterday??????? Bungling fools broke it! So now Gym Ninja had to get on the bike to the left of her usual one, which was not directly in line with the creepy relative aircon vent. FFS!  No show for Dangly today. Where WAS he? Maybe it was too hot for normal people to spend an hour in a darkened room sweating most of their water reserves onto the floor? There were hardly any of the usual crowd...uh oh. Gym Ninja could be in trouble here!!

But there was no time for quitting as the lights went down, the music blared out and off they went!!!!!!!


Sweat was just pouring out of Gym Ninja. Who knew there was that much water inside oneself? Yet Gym Ninja's body needed to work hard. It had missed it's usual Saturday session so had a score to settle. Damn you conscience! You get in the way ALL the time!!!!!  By the end of the hour it was as if Gym Ninja had already been in the Hydropool she was that drenched. Gotta love the old 'hair like a sealion' look as evidence you worked hard!!!!!!

Trickling out of the spin studio, Gym Ninja dried off and worked on her upper body, trying to ignore the sudden influx of girls all doing the same workout. If ever there is evidence of who reads faffy womens fitness magazines (you know the ones, that show a weedy girl doing biceps curls with water bottles!) it is this! The same identikit workout, never quite performed correctly!  Taking regular peeks down through the window to the Hydropool below, Gym Ninja coincided her cool down stretches to an empty pool moment. Fantastic! A quiet Hydropool!

Changing into her bikini, Gym Ninja strode towards the magical door that lead to the poolside.

Walking through the door and toward the Hydropool and.........oh.
There were actually people IN IT!
That oughtn't be allowed!

Fair enough, Gym Ninja could hardly turn back now, so she tentatively edged down the steps of the pool and clawed her way around the edge to find a vacant spot.
Great. The pool appeared to be full of men. Now Gym Ninja was the only girl in there and seriously regretting her choice of bright turquoise blue bikini. WHY didn't she choose black?

Over to the far left of the pool were two young lads, maybe late teens? They were glancing over nervously. Fear not young boys! Gym Ninja is not about to rush over and display her girly bits at you! You are safe! Gym Ninja cannot go anywhere that is not the edge of the pool due to her water phobia!
To Gym Ninja's right were two older men, bubbling away like chicken in a stock pot. Bleurr!
Then there were the two guys reclining on the bubbly seats designed to reduce cellulite!!!!
After about 10 minutes Gym Ninja was ready to leave...and yet she couldn't, as unbeknown to her a guy had slipped into the pool and was now pinned to the edge of it, blocking her exit route. FFS!!!!!

In jumped a gorilla! A proper hairy creature..thick black tufts sprouting from his shoulders (!) back, chest, all down his torso.......none on his head though. Odd.  Almost like he was wearing a gorilla suit yet had decided at the last minute to leave the head off? So where did Gorilla Man stand? Well, in the Hydropool is a large oven extractor hood type thing. Press the button, stand under it and it hammers the person with a hard jet of water.

RIGHT under that, with his back to it, which meant that all Gym Ninja could see was the hair on his gorilla suit part like the Red Sea!!!!! On and on and on went the jet of water, the hair splatting to his back all long and black. Gym Ninja tried not to think about the hairs that couldn't cope with the water pressure and snapped off....please do not let one splat against any of Gym Ninja's exposed flesh please.....

Then, as the two chicken stock men left the pool, they were replaced by a man and a woman. the man was big and round and devoid of visible body or head hair. Once in the Hydropool he looked like a hard boiled egg. The woman was a buxom girl....possibly eating from the same dietary plan as Egg Man? They stood to the left of Gym Ninja...facing opposite each other. Rather too close actually. Maybe Buxom Girl will move?

Okaaaaaaay. Maybe not!

Egg Man and Buxom Girl were virtually fused at the chest! Buxom Girl must think  she is on her holidays and doing that 'thing' couples do when in the know, when you go all still and hug each other and everyone knows that  you're not paddling? So when you do it in the Hydropool? EEEEEEEK!!!!! STOP IT! Gym Ninja does not want to be in the same water as a couple dry humping! What with Gorilla Man's stray body hairs and The Egg Mans possible seepage if Buxom Girl carried on any longer, Gym Ninja seriously needed to quit this pool like NOW!

Eventually the human barricade man left which meant Gym Ninja could make a run (or slow wade) for it, up the stairs, past the two terrified teenage boys and out to the safety of the magic door that led back to the changing rooms............quite HOW the Hydropool is marketed as a relaxing experience is beyond Gym Ninja......

Gym Ninja