Tuesday, 9 March 2010


Where DOES the time go to?

Yet another day of hoping to squash in some revision on Anatomy, only to find nope-all run out of time! AHHHR!

Having not gone to the gym on Monday (always a bad start to the week mentally), Gym Ninja just HAD to make it there today, despite being pushed for time. So, after a day of wild goose chases (or is that geese chases?), & having successfully bored rigid 3 unsuspecting telephone callers with a long protracted 'How I designed my business cards' story, Gym Ninja was ready for a decent workout.

On arrival into the changing rooms, Gym Ninja was greeted by a screech fest.  Small children running amok, screaming so hard and loud they were almost turning themselves inside out! Gym Ninja checked the sides of her ears for blood...nope...no burst eardrums just yet.

Parent: "Will you BEHAVE yourself"

Kid: "Screech screech scream Noooooooooooooooooooooooo squeal"

Parent: "If I did that when I was little, I'd have been sent to bed without my dinner"

Kid:"Screech screech SCREECH squeal scream WAIL...I don't WANT to go to bed without dinner"

Parent: "Stop yelling then!"


Parent: "Right, when we get in you're going to bed without dinner!"

At this point, the kid went into stratospheric meltdown........

Gym Ninja sloped off into the loud busy gym for some 'quiet time'.......

Happily settled on a treadmill, Gym Ninja began her cardio workout. It was good to run again. Not run since...ooooh...Saturday....

2 minutes and 34 seconds into the run, appears Mr 'Hello There I Bathed In Deep Heat Muscle Rub' and starts to run on the next treadmill. As he ran, the heat from his body strengthened the horrific odour so it burned off the lining of Gym Ninja's nasal passages and scorched its way down her trachea...not so much the enjoyable run GN had in mind.

After her workout and once her nasal passages had recovered, Gym Ninja headed upstairs to work her legs.  LEG PRESS. Incline Hammer Strength Leg press to be precise, loaded with 75kgs either side. Wicked! The woman on the next leg press had a 20kg plate either side...bless...

Having had to cancel the lying Hamstring Curl move due to a sudden Mr Ben 'As if by magic, the shopkeeper appeared'  type appearance of a mate at the gym (you know who you are reading this and yes, you are SO a perv!) Gym Ninja took refuge in the relative quiet of the womens section of the gym. No sign of Cowlashes today, oddly enough.

As Gym Ninja worked up a sweat doing deadlifts, frontal plane lunges, bulgarian splits squats and so on, two girls headed towards the RomanChair. The tall frame designed to help people work their lower abs. One grabbed a Swiss Ball. Obviosuly the girls were taking it in turns to work different areas of their abs...so this is what happened. Girl 1 goes to the Roman Chair and starts to perform reps. Girl 2 sits on the Swiss Ball. Girl 1 hops off, and takes over ball sitting duties as Girl 2 does her reps on the Roman Chair. WTF? USING it as a SEAT? Why not work your abs as your mate train? Duh!

Gym Ninja screwed up her eyes to prevent herself seeing any other crazy stuff, and instead focussed on working her lower body until it went all wibbly wobbly. Job done!

When in the main gym area, GN decided to finish up on the Lower Back Extension Machine. This faces a free weights area, and GN had the delight of watching a few guys perform pull ups as she worked her lower back. Now there is definitely something about watching a guy who is strong enough, perform pull ups or chin ups. Mmmm. Not QUITE The same effect if he cannot do them. Then it just feels a bit sad. But when they can? When they have the old Dairy Lea Triangle look to their lats and their muscles ripple as they pull their body upwards...........mmmmmmmmmmm.......ahem. OK-Gym Ninja glazed over somewhat there, but so did 99% of you too!!!!! The 1% of guys who read this and didn't were instead thinking "Pull ups? really? OK...I'll start doing those then!"

One other thing Gym Ninja noticed whilst performing reps and perving at the guys in the free weights section, was the amount of Gorilla Arms on show. By Gorilla Arms, GN means the stance you see whereby a guy's arms roll forwards so they hang down in front of the body rather than the side, the palms facing their thighs  and knuckles facing out.  This stance, ladies and gentlemen, is a sign that not only are they neglecting to train their back, traps and rhomboids as hard as their mirror muscles (aka chest and shoulders), but they have a lot of tightness and shortening of the chest and shoulder muscles, as well as the Lats believe it or not. The lats insert (goddamit, GN is determined to revise somehow!) on the front of the humerus bone (the upper arm) so if it tightens, it pulls on the front of the bone and drags it inwards.

So...a game for you all to play at home, in the street, at work, in the gym...how many people have Gorilla Arms.......do YOU?

Toodle pip

Gym Ninja x