Monday, 1 March 2010

How quickly Gym Ninja forgets.....

Manic Mondays!
Just another....

Yep. Geared up to start the week on the right foot, Gym Ninja found herself heading to the gym after work for her lower body and cardio session.  As she drove into the  car park, her memory suddenly kicked in.
Busy busy!
This January fitness malarkey appears to be lasting (well, on a Monday anyway. By Wednesday most of them have disappeared again)....

Ah well, Gym Ninja was here now anyway.  Shame not to.

As per usual for a Monday, the treadmills were filled with strollers. Meanderers. Jaywalkers. People who hang onto the bar at the front for dear life as they treadmill drags them forwards.

Do you know what GN hates about people who do not train properly? They are wasting their time.  Not only that, they will slog away in the gym, not see any discernible results, then declare exercise as a whole, a waste of time. They will announce that they have a slow metabolism/big bones/hormone problems. They will then quit attending the gym (despite still lining the pockets of it with their expensive monthly membership that's contractually tighter than most mortgages), sit back, continue eating and lazing about and getting depressed.

Exercise can be fun! We wouldn't go if it wasn't.  Plus, if you know what you are doing or hire someone who does, then you can reap the benefits and feel great. None of this dragging yourself along the treadmill malarkey..

But again, Gym Ninja instead she clambered on the X Trainer and then the Stairclimber for her cardio fix, before moving on to lower body.

Before GN could do any lower body exercises, she had to run the gauntlet of 'Booby Traps'. That is, the women with large breasts lying splat on a mat, all over the gym floor. Please Total Fitness, PLEASE put up a sign saying that 'For H&S reasons it's best NOT to lie on the floor in the free weights area'. Surely if someone gets hit on the head by a dropped weight then you are at fault as you have failed to identify this as a H&S issue? It is an accident waiting to happen, and not a pretty one either.

So, Gym Ninja managed to locate a clear space next to a woman who'd gone into a zombie trance as she sat, lets akimbo, on a bench, a weighted bar on her traps, performing rhythmical side twists. Not fast enough to work the obliques. Noooooo! But slow enough to put herself into a hypnotic zombie trance as she watched her body turn left and right and left and right, wasting time.

Gym Ninja began her workout, dodging the odd woman (not literally odd!) who wanted to stuff themselves into the corner where the cable machine was so they could let the machine drag them all over the place.
RESIST the weight. That's the whole point.  You need to work hard to get results.

As per usual on a Monday, the Cotton Wool Woman (woman with hair like a ball of cotton wool) had set up camp slap bang in the middle of the free weight area, marginally blocking the path to the free weights stack, making it incredibly difficult for anyone to get a dumbbell or barbell without falling onto her. She was waggling one arm above her head in a vain attempt to perform an overhead triceps extension. She'd then suddenly switch to 'biceps faffs' (like biceps curls but with no form or control), and then to 'side collapses' (aka side bends). Most distracting seeing that go on out of the corner of one's eye....

Once Gym Ninja had done 4 exercises, it was time to move to a spot at the other side of the gym, where there was more space. This also meant that GN could use her skipping rope to add a bit of cardio burn between sets. As she walked past the bikes, she passed a young girl sporting false glue on eyelashes the length of camel eyelashes. Aren't false eyelashes for night time? Hmm...

So, ensuring she was not close enough for her rope to snag on one of the eyelashes, Gym Ninja began her skipping sets.

*Skip skip skip skip skip...*

Gym Ninja got into 'the zone'. It's easy to drift away mentally as you skip. It's only when you bring your mind back and think ,
'Golly gosh, I've been skipping a while and I haven't even tripped yet...'?
*Cue tripping.*
Uhr! Clumsy Ninja!

The moment GymNinja tripped on the rope, she broke her zone-out state and then became aware of just how many people had been watching her.
This is SKIPPING everyone.
One of the easiest movements to do.
Do not, and Gym Ninja repeats, DO NOT be afraid. It cannot harm you.  It is not some sort of evil witchcraft or sorcery. It's actually a decent transportable workout! Try it! You'll like it.

The staring got a bit too much so after stretching out, Gym Ninja left the sanctuary (!) of the ladies gym, crossed the mixed area (admiring a few chiseled arms of various guys dotted about the gym) and headed down to the changing rooms.
The Maximuscle Promax was at home!
Ah well, at least when GN got in she'd be able to blend up a handful of frozen raspberries with the strawberry Promax and make a nice iced thick protein shake.  Have YOU got creative with your protein shakes yet?...

Right...Gym Ninja needs to cut this short as she's suddenly realised she has to swot up on Osteoarthritis and other exciting conditions. She may do this over a meal of steamed mixed veg with cottage cheese. Yum yum. One of GN's favourite meals at he moment....

Toodle pip!
Gym Ninja x