Wednesday, 3 March 2010

Mistaken Identity!

Gym Ninja's had a funny old day.

The Carpet Fitter returned (did GN regale you with that particular story last week?). He had the piece of carpet that would actually fit and allow him to finish the job that was supposed to be done on Friday. He started with the OTT chat up lines the moment Gym Ninja opened  the door.

"You're looking spectacular today"! He beamed.

Gym Ninja woke at 3.20am this morning and has eyes like a Panda.

"Can I just say those are the best legs I have ever seen!"

This was particularly disturbing as he was laying the landing carpet as Gym Ninja sat in her office typing stuff up. Also, Gym Ninja has legs like piano legs. He lies!!!!!
Hmm....actually, in hindsight, maybe he was referring to Gym Ninjas desk legs?

Then before he left he did the whole "It's not just me who thinks you look like Dannii Minogue you know. The lads in the carpet shop also call you that".

Cue a 'Seriously, I have a short bob and pale eyes with dark hair. THAT is the similarity. We do NOT look alike' look from Gym Ninja...

Once the carpet was finished GN headed out, detouring via Tesco to pick up some printer ink and paper. As GN floated up the travellator in a Gladiator Semi Final kind of a way, a booming voice from behind her said,
"Nice legs!"
GN spun round just as a man in a woolly hat who'd made the comment as he stood behind her,passed to the right of GN to get in front of her...and then....oh. 
How embarassing!!!
There was a bottleneck further up the travellator so now the woolly man was stood by Gym Ninja.
What is it with the leg comments? Are men into muscular legs as that's what GN has! Gym Ninja is certainly NOT coming to a Pretty Polly Tights Advert soon....

The day progressed like any other. Gym Ninja visited a few hospitals. Got  stuck chatting to a male Theatres manager for 90 minutes at a private hospital, trying desperately NOT to sound vague when he fired questions at her.
As he walked her to the door, he said....

"Do you know who you look like?", Beaming at her...


"Er, no?" Answered Gym Ninja...

"Go on! I bet you do! I bet people tell you that ALL the time!"
AT this point the Theatre Manager Man was almost wetting himself with excitement.
"Go on then. TELL me." Sighed Gym Ninja,

*Cue spectacular silence*


"KYLIE?" retorted Gym Ninja. "Seriously, Kylie?"
"Even Kylie no longer looks like Kylie! Don't you mean Dannii?"

"Ah yes, Dannii! That's the one!" He answered, all pleased with himself... get this straight everyone. MAYBE, just MAYBE if you squint and turn sideways, Gym Ninja may...MAY....look 30% like Miss Minogue of the Dannii variety, if you view her from the back... but really? Dannii doesn't even have a set of pins like piano legs like GN has ffs.....

So by the time Minogue Ninja had made it to the gym she just wanted to keep herself to herself. Warm up done, she went to work on her upper body. After all, an additional Spin session tomorrow would take care of GN's cardio requirements so it was time to lift!

Hmm, the air con at the womens section of the gym has still not been fixed. Another day sweating buckets in the gym then!  Cotton Wool Woman was in,  wobbling her arms all over the place, and running through the exact same odd assortment of exercise variations she'd done the other day. Plenty of partial movements too..

People: tip! If you do partial movements and range for your reps, you'll only get partial development ok? Work through the WHOLE Range! 

Still an abundance of people strewn across the floor in the free weights area. Next to them were people sat motionless on benches in trances... Another tip heading your way...
IF you sit down all day at work, do not head to the gym and plonk yourself down on a bench or machine! MOST exercises have a variation that involves standing. 
Gym Ninja stepped around a dead woman on the floor lying  motionless inside an abs frame (pointless waste of space those abs frames!).
Perhaps she was hoping to work her abs by proxy? 

Heavy and hard was the theme of today's session. Gym Ninja grunted her way through her workout, narrowly avoiding crushing a womans fingers as unbeknown to GN who had set up on an incline bench (yes yes, GN knows it was seated but this was just the 1 OK?), a woman had rolled right next to her and was lying dead on the mat 'working her abs' as Gym Ninja sat up and half dropped the weights to the floor.

A gaggle of young girls walked through the door. Artistic lot! Plenty of high maintenance party hairstyles that constantly needed adjusting and preening in the mirrors throughout their group workout (which consisted of one doing an exercise as the others sat nearby, watching her and fixing their up-dos). Sadly no false eye lashes spotted today though...

With her upper body like toast, Gym Ninja called it a day and headed to the changing rooms, mixing up her now strangely palatable strawberry Promax shake (yep-Gym Ninja was never a fan of strawberry shakes and yet now, actually likes it!) and knocking it back on the way out to the car.

Tomorrow, you lovely people get to hear about Gym Ninja's latest Maximuscle bargains AND her plans for fitness conventions....Ooooh, lucky LUCKY you!
(oh and no, that's NOT an 'I should be so lucky' melody btw")

Gym Ninja x