Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Clumsy Ninja

Today Ninja was blessed by a visit from The Clumsy Fairy.
Either the Clumsy Fairy visits at night or she gets up real early as straight from the off, Gym Ninja knew it was going to be 'one of those days!'

Gym Ninja barged into the bathroom door having misjudged the doorway. Yep, that'd be the doorway that has remained that width for over 3 years now....

A big dollop of cottage cheese fell out of the fridge as Gym Ninja opened the door...

Gym Ninja found herself body-slamming the bannister as she attempted to walk past it. WTF?????

Gym Ninja hurtled across the tiles of the living room floor as she strode through the room......

Gym Ninja stumbled down the step leaving the house....

AHHHR Clumsy Fairy! Go clear off & bless someone else.  Gym Ninja has work to do. Work given to her by Muppet the Line Manager, and today's list of work went something like this...

1.  Knit together half a cloud (white) with 2 rays of sunshine.
2.  Plait a lion's eyelashes together.
3.  Locate one of the original Umpa Lumpas that starred in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory (the1970's version). This in fact was an impossible task due to the fact that Dwarves don't live to a ripe old age...grrr
4.  Sponge down the underside of a warthog.

So as you can tell, Gym Ninja was busy enough without being a Calamity Jane too.

Luckily there was a happy event about midday. Gym Ninja, on the THIRD attempt, had managed to remember to bring the tin opener with her and could at last dine on tuna with salad in the car at lunchtime.  That was until..

Gym Ninja snapped the top off the plastic picnic fork. GRRRR! To make matters worse, she then only had a teeny tiny plastic teaspoon with which to eat the remainder of her lunch. Oh, and then, in keeping with the 'feel' of the day, managed to chomp down on the broken remnant of plastic fork that was now nestling in a leaf of lettuce, hurting her mouth.

Incidentally, Gym Ninja would like to have a quiet word with 'Mr John West'.

Dear Mr John West,
Your can of 'Non Drain' Tuna is in fact more 'partial drain' Tuna. There is definitely always tuna brine that leaks out of the GODDAM TIN. Sort it out!
Thank you
Gym Ninja.  x

Now Gym Ninja checks Facebook & Twitter regularly throughout the day. It must have gotten to the 'crossing off sponging down the underside of a warthog' part of the list of daily duties when she read a Tweet from an online person who jokingly stated that Gym Ninja  was 'Like an Advertisement for Maximuscle'.


Gym Ninja agrees with this observation as indeed it must seem like that. Gym Ninja rarely blogs without mentioning their range, however just in case anyone does THINK that Gym Ninja is in some way working for/paid by/sponsored by(God PLEASE yes that'd be perfect!) Maximuscle then rest assured she is not. These are the reasons why she harps on about them...

1. Gym Ninja has tried a broad range of different sports supplements over the years, the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. Gym Ninja much prefers Maximuscle to any other.

2. Gym Ninja has personally seen huge positive changes in her physique and performance in the gym since supplementing with their range.

3. Gym Ninja follows a healthy clean diet and a regular progressive exercise programme so therefore gains maximum benefits when using their supplements (which is how anyone needs to use supplements to be fair-they are not a quick fix, they are SUPPLEMENTS to other things like diet and exercise).

4.  Gym Ninja loves how they taste!!!

5.  Gym Ninja is a great believer in that you get what you pay for. Yes, their range can be at the higher range of the Industry average, however GN would prefer to know her supplements are tested and proven to do what they claim, than to risk saving a few quid and buying inferior 'as much use as a chocolate teapot with probably as much hidden sugar as a chocolate teapot' product range.

6. Gym Ninja ha recommended this range to others and also seen those people benefit, so she knows it's not just her!

All understand now? Good good!

On route down the Motorway Gym Ninja pulled in at a Motorway Services. In WH Smiths she clocked a copy of this month's 'Muscle & Fitness Magazine'! Fantastic! Lots of inspirational pictures and articles in here! However every time she went towards that section of the magazines, a gaggle of men (truckers, sales reps and general travellers) congregated. Grr, now Gym Ninja felt like a right pervert by picking up a magazine with a man on the cover who's chest was bigger than Pamela Andersons!!!!! As she leaned down to pick up the magazine, the gaggle of men parted like the Red Sea (oooh, biblical references now, you ARE being spoiled today) and just stared, open-mouthed at the smartly dressed suited and booted Gym Ninja who had picked up a copy of the 'Muscle pervert' magazine......

After work, Gym Ninja forced her tired body to go to the gym. It was FAR too much of a risk, in her Clumsy -Fairy-Blessed-state, to attempt both cardio AND weights, so GN decided that the most beneficial workout today would be weight training...

LEG DAY!!!!!!!!!

Gym Ninja warmed up, and as she did so watched one of the Gym Based Personal Trainers walk across the gym floor. His feet turned outwards at 45' angles as he walked. What have we all learned from reading Gym Ninja's blog on days where she's mentioned turned out duck feet before? Yup! Tight Piriformis (to name but one issue!)! Stretch yourself out Boy! *tisk*

The gym was scorchio today! Either the Air Con was on low or switched off altogether as Gym Ninja was sweating like a pig in a bacon factory! Yet a good lower body workout was done. Gym Ninja tempted fate and the Clumsy Fairy by performing single legged deadlifts (wobble wobble like a jelly on a plate-LOW sugar jelly of course). Lots of lunge combinations (wobble wobble again), single leg calf raises (stumble), Barbell cleans (teeter), resistance band work for adductors/abductors and glutes (wobble wobble splat) and finally, the leg press.......

Gym Ninja loved the leg press today! FINALLY no risk of being killed by the Clumsy Fairy either (although at one point when loading up the weight plates Gym Ninja did catch her finger on a shard of metal)! Gym Ninja also clocked herself being thrown a few 'impressed' glances from some of the guys in the gym who blatantly had chicken legs and couldn't even attempt to leg press what GN was...

Making sure to stretch out afterwards, Gym Ninja veritably bounced out of the gym in a way that a girl who has hammered her legs can 'bounce'......obviously more metaphorical bouncing than actual bouncing you understand? 

So you see? A visit from the Clumsy Fairy didn't scupper Gym Ninja's workout in any way, shape or form. NO excuses people! 

Fit, healthy, athletic and aesthetically muscular bodies DO NOT JUST GROW THAT SHAPE on their own! They are created. Created by the very discipline you have. Created by your motivation to train hard and eat clean. Created by the very food and drink you chuck down your neck on a daily basis. Created by hard work, sweat, dedication (cue Roy Castle's trumpet solo again!), discipline, nutrition and sleep. Oh, and in Gym Ninja's Maximuscle too ;-)

Toodle pip

Gym Ninja x