Tuesday, 27 April 2010

Muppet Murder


Gym Ninja is recovering from her day at Head Office.

After a decent night's sleep (yep, GN actually sent herself to bed early last night) and an early rise, Gym Ninja dragged herself out of the house with her best sulky face on, and drove 2 and a half hours in the Blandmobile to the office to meet Muppet the newly promoted Line Manager. In the car was a small coolbag packed with yesterdays salad and tin of tuna. You'll recall Gym Ninja couldn't eat it yesterday as she'd forgotten to pack the goddam tin opener but had pointedly put it in the cool bag the night before. Also in the bag were 3 organic apples and a Promax Diet Bar. A herrrrruge bottle of water sat on the next seat so GN wouldn't dehydrate as she drove....

The office as as soul destroying as anticipated. Gym Ninja had to sit there whilst Muppet pontificated about how inappropriate he thought Gy Ninja's barbed email response was the day before, whilst Gym Ninja succinctly pointed out her side of the argument using logic throughout. Needless to say Gym Ninja got an apology out of Muppet..... ;-)
Also, due to the fact that no sharp stabby objects were neaby, he also got to live too, which some people may see as a bonus, others less of one........

In Head Office is an older woman who has slowly gone up a dress size from a small size 10 to a size 12 over the space of a month or two. She cannot understand why she is gaining weight, and yet continues to sit at the desk all day long snacking on biscuits.  Today she approached Gym Ninja..

"How can I get rid of this wobbly bit here?" She demanded, grabbing the backs of her arms..."And this big belly here?"
At this she patted her stomach.
"I had to buy a larger pair of jeans at the weekend!" She lamented.

Thus followed a concise lowdown on eating to maintain energy levels and avoid insulin spikes (and why that is something to be avoided), plus a 'how to do dips at your desk' demo.

Come lunchtime, Gym Ninja unpacked her lunch bag.......she'd already scoffed an apple midway through the morning with half of the protein bar, & now it was time for the salad with tuna.
Out came the box of lettuce, tomato and cucumber. Out came the tin of tuna in brine. And.............AHHHHHR!
Gym Ninja couldn't find the tin opener..... AGAIN! Oh wait...........NOW she remembered. She'd unpacked it again to make room for the third apple and it was still at home on the kitchen worktop............Good job work had one or EVERYONE would have known about it!!!!!

Later that day, Muppet came dashing into the office wielding a newspaper. The Daily Mail. He'd spotted this article..

Crushed lungs, strained joints and a swollen heart - the extraordinary scans that reveal what being fat does to you

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-1269074/Crushed-lungs-strained-joints-swollen-heart--extraordinary-scans-reveal-fat-does-you.html#ixzz0mKhabhkD

The people in the office crowded round the newspaper oohing & ahhing about the photo of the scan showing internal body fat stores.

Gym Ninja looked on.

Where did they THINK the fat went? Do they think it just sticks onto the outside of the body? Did they honestly not think it also fills inside the body too?  

Gym Ninja was kind of glad that this article was grabbing their attention. For the past 10 months she's been ridiculed by the work colleagues (all bar one) for eating healthily and not wanting to scoff junk. Maybe now they realise why? 

After a very long and mostly pointless day, Gym Ninja got 'released' from the office and drove hours in a homeward bound direction, stopping off at Asda to pick up some more salad bits & bobs. After all, 2 weeks tomorrow is the happy snappy camera trauma....!  As Gym Ninja rummaged through the box of cucumbers, the whole box collapsed into the shelving system and disappeared from sight with a loud crash! 


"I saw ya wrecking the shop!" Said a smiley man next to Gym Ninja, smirking as he walked off.  Perhaps GN doesn't know her own strength eh?????

Time now for Gym Ninja to pootle off. Let you all read the Daily Mail article if you haven't done so already (see link above). GN is now chomping at the bit for tomorrow's gym session after work so be sure to 'tune in' for that exciting instalment.....

Gym Ninja x