Sunday, 24 January 2010

iPhones & iCars!

Yep. iPhones and iCars!!! 

No gym-related blog today, so if you do not have an interest in anything other than Gym Ninja's  fitness and nutrition ramblings, then you are excused and  can return tomorrow when Gym Ninja will blog about her usual rambly stuff. 

Gym Ninja thought she'd elaborate as to what happened the other day with her iPhone. Tis worth a giggle at her expense!

On Thursday of last week, Gym Ninja had detached her headphones whilst mid-way through a call on her iPhone so she wouldn't look like a muppet walking through the street talking to a small bit of wire!  As she did so, the iPhone refused to respond. This meant that although the headphones were now detached, the iPhone still thought she was using them so her caller couldn't hear her very well, nor could Gym Ninja hear her caller...well, no that is a lie. She COULD, but it was in the distance and very very faint! 

GN IMMEDIATELY called O2. She frets if her iPhone is ill, and this new one is only 6 weeks old, bless. Barely old enough to eat solids.  Luckily, the man at O2 was soothing and reassuring. They have a separate section for iPhone users as we treat our phones like children, and thus need someone who understands this and doesn't shout "Get a GRIP, it's 'just' a phone" ! 

"Ooh, don't worry my love" Said Mr O2 man in his friendly Scottish accent.
"It's purely a software issue. Go home & restore your iPhone using iTunes on your computer & it should be fine". 

GN perked up at this, and once she'd been to the gym she did just that. Then, as she went to dial someone she discovered...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The issue was still occuring!  EEEK!  By now it was too late to call O2 back as they'd all scarpered for the day, so first thing Friday after a sleepless night fretting about her iPhone, she rang them back.

"Oh dear!", Said the Scottish O2 man. "That's terribly unlucky!"

Gym Ninja thought if EVER a person had used an inappropriate term it was now!

"Looks like it may be a hardware problem then, so you can either take it straight in to an Apple store, or into an O2 store and we can give you a 'loan phone' and send yours away for a couple of weeks".

Gym Ninja was a little bit sick in her mouth when he said 'send it away for a few weeks'.  NOT an option Mr O2 man! So, at lunch time she hot-footed it over to Apple and set up camp at the Genius Bar waiting for a Genius to come to her rescue (in shining armour, on a white horse!).  She was soon approached by a 'James Corden' look-a-like (off Gavin & Stacey) 


(identical except wearing an Apple uniform!)

He listened intently, interjecting with regular, calming 'Oooh no, poor you", and "Oh gosh, how awful" as Gym Ninja barely contained her sorrow at her poorly sick iPhone! Gym Ninja watched, hands wringing, as Apple James shone a little torch into the headphone socket and then into the iPhones bottom (the slit at the base of the iPhone, the dirty pervert!). 

"Yep, it's broken alright", He said, in a gentle voice. Gym Ninja's eyes went like saucers and started to fill up...
"It's OK though. I Can sort this for you no problem and get you a brand new one immediately".
Gym Ninja beamed at him! 

As he filled in the paperwork for her replacement handset, he explained in a slightly patronising way as to how the iPhone is a very clever mini computer and sometimes the little pins inside the headphone jack get bent inwards, and so the iPhone thinks the headphones are still in there....and so on. Gym Ninja couldn't be annoyed with Apple James though, as he was her hero and replaced her phone. 

"Don't switch it on to activate it until you are home and attached to iTunes", He warned. "Then ring O2 and re-register the handset". 
He smiled at GN and stared at her for just a moment too long...'You take care now!"

Gym Ninja skipped out of Apple, detouring long enough to drop £50 on stuff she didn't need from there, and headed home. 

Once home she fixed up the phone and left it restoring itself as she carried on with her work.  She picked up the iPhone and rang O2...

"whisper whisper whisper whisper whisper"  Said O2.


Nooooo! The NEW iPhone was doing the exact same thing! So, INCREDIBLY flustered, GN headed all the way back over to Apple, paying again tunnel fees and parking fees before rushing into the store. She galloped over to the Genius Bar & explained her plight to an Apple person. They told her to take a seat, spoke with Apple James and then asked GN to wait until he was free, and he'd be over to help. 

Meanwhile, GN was busy ringing O2 and her voicemail,  just to check the problem actually did still exist and she hadn't just had brain freeze & forgotten how to make a phone call (hey, it happens sometimes OK??). Yep-whisper whisper in the distance! EEEK! Still broken. 

"Oh, hello again" Said Apple James, winking at Gym Ninja. 
"Back so soon? I hear you have the same problem again? Would you like to tell me what happened?"
*cue patronising yet intense look from Apple James*

GN quickly explained about how the SAME issue was occurring AGAIN! Apple James listened quietly and nodded periodically.

He picked up the iPhone, removed the plastic film (GN hadn't had time even to peel it off!) and dialed Apple to test it......

CLEAR AS A BELL, the voice of the operator boomed out of the handset!


Gym Ninja stared at the iPhone which was now working perfectly! What is this witchcraft he has performed? 
"Give me that!", Demanded GN and snatched the iPhone back.
"Let me try! I swear it wasn't working before"

Gym Ninja dialled O2 and whaddayaknow?  PERFECT crystal clear voice at the end of the line!
Noooooooooooo! Gym Ninja no understand!

"But, but, it was broken!"

Apple James stared at her and shook his head, a soft smile that said "oh you silly silly girl' on his lips...
He peeled back the plastic protective film and then handed GN the iPhone.

"Did you remove the plastic off the iPhone when you tried it?" He asked.
GN shook her head.

"Oh dear. You see, the plastic cover doesn't have a hole where the ear speaker is so it CAN muffle the sound if it's covered. Try it yourself". He offered the iPhone to GN with the plastic cover on. Sure enough, the sound was as before-mega quiet. 


Gym Ninja is officially a bimbo! She had hot-footed it over to Apple, paid double the tunnel and parking fees, all because she hadn't taken off the protective plastic from the new iPhone.  

"It's OK, I'm sure other people make that mistake" Patronised Apple James. Annoyingly his face said otherwise...
He reached over and clasped Gym Ninja's hand in both of his.
"You take care now. Really nice to see you again!"

At that very moment, as he was still gripping her hand a little bit too long, Gym Ninja realised that Apple James now thought she'd manifested this as an excuse to come back over and see him again as she was hopelessly in love with him. 
NO NO NO NO NO! GN is NOT in love with Apple James!!!!!!

So...the moral of today's blog is to always peel off the plastic protective film or a big pudgy man may think you are in love with him. 

On a different note...iCar!

Well, it isn't an iCar-Gym Ninja only said so to make a good Blog title.  No, Gym Ninja is ready to trade in her BMW and downgrade to something more manageable and fun. Times are tough, circumstances are changing and she no longer will need to belt the length & breadth of the country for work. She needs to change her car (on finance of course) before it gets so ridiculously high in mileage that it is only worth 6 pence and a bag of chocolate buttons (and no, not even Cadbury Chocolate Buttons-think the cheap generic ones you get from the Penny Sweets Section that don't even taste right).   She's been doing some research and has come to the decision that not only will she NOT be buying new again (turns out £12,000 has been wiped off her BMW in just over 2 years, gulp!) she will in fact consider the car that is typically girly...yep...a Mini.

So, today she has been mooching around a Mini show room (like some sort of Fisher Price style Grown Ups showroom) and had a chat with a man about a Mini Cooper! Admittedly she was interrupted by a small child in the showroom choking on a biscuit, and then half an hour later the same small child landing with a gigantic splat noise as he tripped on the floor, but she did manage to ask all the right questions she wanted to!
She's off to see him again tomorrow (the Mini salesman, not the clumsy small child) to razz up and down the road in it. All the sums work out and she can actually reduce her payments if she buys it, so, if Gym Ninja thinks she doesn't look too stereotypically girly in it, she's buying it!

 A Mini Ninja!!!!!

So...check back tomorrow for a more gym-related blog and maybe a mini Adventure eh?

Gym Ninja x