Thursday, 4 February 2010

Gym Tonic & Fur Bikinis you can tell, Gym Ninja's busy schedule is playing havoc with all our blog fun, as there was no blog post yesterday. That was because she was delayed at her evening hairdressers appointment. Gym Ninja and her hairdresser were having such a guffaw at the comedic 'That's Life' Magazine that's a staple at the hair salon that GN failed to notice that her hairdresser had become a tad 'scissor happy'. So now Gym Ninja is 'Gym Elf' until her hair grows a bit!

Having woken this morning feeling a tad 'boyish' due to the new Elf look, Gym Ninja went overboard and glammed up the femininity of her outfit for work. She donned a super tight pencil skirt or 'wiggle skirt' that fell just below the knee, ensuring she could not do any movement with her legs that involved them stretching further than a foot step (cue lots of side saddle getting into/out of the car and ascending/descending stairs with her feet side on). With that she teamed a black satin frill edged blouse and wide belt that she fastened on the tightest notch to enhance her curves. Elves do not have curves as a rule, so GN needed to emphasise the difference!  With some sky scraper heels, she was ready to attempt a more feminine and less 'fairy tale elf' type of look as she set out of the house.

Now the pencil skirt that is shrink-wrapped to fit the body and a wide rigid corset style belt are not the most comfortable driving outfits Gym Ninja has ever worn.  It's hard to drive when your pancreas, kidneys, liver and stomach are now all bunched up together fighting for space in your chest cavity, courtesy of the belt!  The drive up to Lancaster and Blackpool was hairy too, thanks to the fact that the stiletto heel of her shoes were the exact size of the grooves in the footwell by the accelerator pedal. Cue lots of "AHHHHHHR, my foot is welded to the floor" type moments along the M6. Don't even MENTION the popping blouse button either-that happened at ALL the inappropriate moments......

So by the time 5.30pm came, Gym Ninja's body was screaming for an escape and some sort of movement. She had a lot of tension to burn off, so she headed straight to the gym, did not pass go, and did not collect £200...(or whatever the Monopoly Go To Jail card says nowadays).

Gym Ninja only intended to hit cardio today. Her shoulder is nearly recovered yet she wants to give it an extra day's rest just to be on the safe side. So after releasing her restraints (skirt/belt/crippling heels) she got changed and hit the treadmill. WITHOUT her water bottle mind, as for some reason all she brought with her was the lid today. Duh!

She'd only just begun a 20 minute interval all-terrain run (playing around with the incline) when a guy took the treadmill next to her and began to speed it up.  After 2 minutes a most disgusting stench wafted in front of Gym Ninja's nose, and quickly started to descend into her lungs. YUK!!!!!!!!!!!!  Within seconds, the man next to her had jumped off his treadmill and run to the changing rooms.
Gym Ninja thinks that guy got caught short!!!!!!
Ladies & Gents, do what needs to be done prior to beginning your run, as running has been known to shake up everything inside and cause a sudden need to take a sharp exit, as this guy found out!

After her run, Gym Ninja decided to spend some time on the Stair Climber. These are the giant escalator style staircases that can speed up as you attempt to stay on them. The ones at GN's gym over look the pool so it's kind of good to keep occupied by having a good nosey at the people in the pool and surrounding area.  A huge man the shape of a cube climbed up on the stairclimber next to Gym Ninja and draped his arms all over the sides of the machine. Now the machines are so close together in this gym, that the sheer size of the guy meant he started to overlap onto Gym Ninja's machine. It was like being at the cinema! You know, when you have the shared arm rest and the other person almost always steals it from you? Gym Ninja is sure she spent the entire workout on a jaunty angle leaning away from the man's armpit....

As Gym Ninja tried to distract herself from the huge encroaching arm, she stared downwards towards the pool area. And then she saw him.........the man with the Fur Bra!


Fur Bra!

This guy dragged himself, all sodden like a wet teddy, out of the Hydro pool (A Hydro pool is a giant whirlpool type jacuzzi thingie that recycles people's bodily secretions into other peoples orifices.). The water had dampened all his chest hair...and made it extremely obvious that he did indeed ONLY have body hair on his pecs. Not any on his torso. Black soggy chest hair that started at the base of his clavicle and fanned outwards in a halter-neck style, down over his pec muscles and then stopped in a line just at the base of his chest. Remarkable! See if you can spot any Fur Bras at your gym today!

So after a really good session that burnt off all Gym Ninja's frustrations of the day (and trust her, there had been a major moment of frustration today, although not necessarily in a bad way!) she mixed up her Promax Chocolate Protein shake (seriously, have you tried this stuff yet? The results you get are fantastic! Go clicky clicky on the helpful tabs Gym Ninja has scattered around her blog for your convenience and go take a shuftie), downed it  and headed off into the darkness of the night....

Until tomorrow my little Ninja poppets...

Gym Ninja x