Tuesday, 9 February 2010

Parrot Ninja (& not strictly a gym based blog today!)


Gym Ninja is having a 'hair malfunction' & it's playing havoc with her fitness regime...allow Gym Ninja to explain....

On Saturday, Gym Ninja decided that her newly scalped hair do would be much improved by getting some highlights thrown through it. So in true Ninja spirit, she immediately got on the phone and booked in a space at her hairdressers for the very next day. Oooh, exciting! Gym Ninja hasn't had highlights since...oooh, since at least 2 years ago?

Sunday morning saw Gym Ninja pootle off in her Mini Cooper and over to the salon. Like a good girl, GN had stuffed her gym bag in the boot of the car just in case she managed to have time to squeeze in a workout later on that day before the gym shut. See? Dedicated!

In she walked and sat down. Her usual stylist was busy that day, so Gym Ninja had to book in with her old original stylist (who left GN without a stylist when she went on maternity so GN had to go with another hairdresser at the same salon and just stayed with her despite the original one returning). Luckily it wasn't too awkward. Gym Ninja attempted to explain what type of highlights she wanted...something subtle..

"I'd like highlights please. Something to break up the block of colour. Maybe caramel shades? A  few different tones?" Gym Ninja looked at the stylist who stared back at her, nodding..

"Hmm, yeh yeh I see. What kind of highlights then?" Asked the Stylist.

WHAT? Aren't all highlights equal?

"Er...what do you mean?" enquired GN.

The stylist then rapidly explained that Gym Ninja could either have one tone highlights but that would involve a hefty dose of bleach, or she could opt for Magna colors that didn't use bleach and would offer her two shades.  Magna it is then! The stylist whipped out the colour book and showed it to Gym Ninja, pointing at a shade that she then described as 'caramel'. Hmmm, not sure Gym Ninja would eat a caramel that was THAT colour, but obviously the stylish knows what she's doing. After all she is the Senior Colourist at the Hairdressing salon. She then gestured towards another shade and Gym Ninja felt her nose wrinkle up in disgust. It was a dark and slightly grubbly looking reddish brown. More red but all the same, not bright red.

"I think this red would look FAB mixed with the caramel shades you know!" Said the Stylist, all enthused.

Gym Ninja failed to see it. It looked yukky and she was doubting....but of course the Stylist could see this, so she started to suggest that maybe there were other types of highlights she could have that would combine the two shades. She described then the slices of colour that at under the top layer of hair so that when the hair moved, people would then see flashes of colour. Nothing too scary.

Gym Ninja furrowed her brow.

"Well, I did want something funky..." She said.
The stylist nodded excitedly.
"BUT, I can't have anything too outrageous because of work!"

"Ohh, I'm not going to make you look like a PUNK!" Laughed the Stylist.
"You can smooth the dark hair over it at work and then if you want the colours to look funky then add some wax and shuuuushe it up" At this, the Stylist did a manic hair fluffing gesture with her hands.

Gym Ninja, still not convinced, allowed herself to be talked into the dodgy caramel and the icky grubby red and agreed that they should be slices of colour under the top layer...You can see where this is going no?

As the stylist worked her magic, Gym Ninja sat back with her Nutrition Coursework book and attempted to study. She did so as her head was baked under that odd flying saucer heat lamp, before being taken away for a shampoo...

Cue lots of "oooh, what a lovely shade' from the Junior who was shampooing GN's hair. Really? Oh, OK then, maybe it would look fab after all.

Gym Ninja was then led back to her seat for the blow dry to begin. She looked in the mirror...and noticed the slices...the colour reminiscent of a Cadbury Creme Egg light white and orange....Crikey!

Maybe it'll look better when dry eh? That's often the case, and by now the Stylist had returned and was virtually orgasming over her own handiwork.

"Oooh, it's turned out wonderful, I AM glad we added that red you know" Oozed the stylist...

Gym Ninja was very very aware she had her *sulky hairdressers face* on. PLEASE let it look better when blow dried...PLEASE.....

As the hair started to dry, Gym Ninja watched...and lo and behold...when finally dry....Gym Ninja was absolutely WRONG! It didn't look better. It looked odd.

Firstly, with the shade options, the 'caramel and deep red' looked more like 'yellow mustard and teracotta brown'.
Secondly, the fact the top layer was dark still just looked weird.
Thirdly, the way the colour had been put on and was peeking through the layers looked as if a blind man had hijacked a table of kids poster paints and daubed it all over someones head by accident.

Gym Ninja felt sick. Gym Ninja also thinks the Stylist secretly wasn't too impressed either as she had flicked the mirror to show the back view around so fast Gym Ninja nearly vomited through motion sickness.  Next minute, the Stylist had dashed off and returned with a pot of wax....
Shusshhhe shusshhhe shusshhe went the Stylists hands, fluffing out Gym Ninja's hair.

"There you go! Fantastic!" Lied the stylist...

But, being British (!) Gym Ninja found herself saying..
"Yeh that's great. Wonderful. Thanks"

Before she knew it she'd even left a tip too! Damn this being British malarkey!

So now poor GN was left with hair akin to a parrot....cripes!!!!!!!!!
To forget her horrid hair, Gym Ninja headed to the gym and did a rather splendid interval run and leg workout, only ruined when she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror. Oh no! Parrot head!

The next day (that'd be today people!) Gym Ninja awoke to see....if at all possible...hair that looked even worse!!!!!!!! How can it be that the icky shades had turned brassy overnight? How come the red now started to look essence of ginger? The caramel (yeh right!) now looked like cheap 'Lucky Lucky Man' rolled-gold?

So Gym Ninja has been sulkily doing her day job, all the time her parrot hair clashing with her red skirt suit which usually looks so fab. This of course meant that by the time the end of the day came, she found herself sat in the car and reluctant to get out of it and walk into the gym. If you think Parrot hair can't get any worse, then think 'soggy sweaty parrot hair'....Yep!

Gym Ninja swicthed on teh ignition and drove straight home.


So...what will happen with the hair? Gym Ninja is unsure. She has a box of hair dye sitting here by her side taunting her. Should she dye it one shade and get rid of the nasty shades of coppery teracotta? If she did that then how obvious would that be when she next returns to the salon?

Should she call the stylist and explain that she hates her new hair and see if they can fit her in and fix it? The problem with this is that GN is short on time AND cash AND backbone..she is British after all. How can she tell the stylist that she hates the hair?

Or...should GN lie? Should she lie and ring up the salon and say her boss went mental when he saw her hair and has demanded she get it covered up in bland middle of the road non-parrot highlights...........?

Gym Ninja needs to choose quickly or she will get fat from not working out at the gym!!!!!! Wish Gym Ninja luck on her hair mission....no doubt you'll all be hearing about it one way or another...


Pray for rain tomorrow...that way GN can wear a hat ;-)

Gym Ninja x