Tuesday, 23 February 2010

Monday Crush


Who let everyone back in the gym on a Monday? Gym Ninja thought it was January all over again!!!!
In fact, the ONLY thing that made Gym Ninja realise it 'wasn't' January was the lack of thick smoggy Deep Heat scent.  Is Gym Ninja missing something?
Maybe a free show put on by touring Chippendales?
'Make Me A Star' reality show due to start filming at that exact gym?
Royalty visiting?

Either way, Gym Ninja could not find a treadmill available as they were all filled with people gripping for dear life onto the tops of the treadmill console, whilst dragging their bodies at a meandering walking pace..., and as she only planned on warming up, instead found herself hopped onto a X Trainer. Annoyingly enough, whether it was due to an earlier sports bra entanglement in the changing rooms that saw one sports bra latch onto the other one Gym Ninja wears (yes, why take 1 sports bra into the gym when you can wear two??), Gym Ninja now appeared to have a problem with her Polar Heart Rate Monitor. It just refused to pick up her heart rate, the blighter!

Ahhh, it's good to be back and moving again after only 2 workout sessions last week due to workload. The 4 hours plus return trip in the car to York today hadn't helped either!

Once ensconced in the relative perv-free zone of the women only gym, Gym Ninja began her dynamic warm up before moving on to work the upper body weights session. This was akin to running the gauntlet of Total Wipeout as attempts were made to avoid treading on supine bodies slumped motionless on the mats in the free weight area (WHY do that? WHY lie on the floor inches away from people using weights that may drop on your head??), whilst avoiding women randomly raising arms out to their sides with dumbbells waggling.   As has been the case of late, the air con in this section was off, so there were a lot of Sweaty Bettys!  As all the benches were taken, 'German tourist style' with sweat towels marking ownership as the women in question wandered about aimlessly, Gym Ninja grabbed a Swiss Ball, some dumbbells, and began a chest press exercise.

By now this area was getting packed, so GN decided the Lat Pulldown Machine would be her next port of call, well out of the way of the women thrashing around by the mirrors.  As GN then moved back to perform some shoulder moves, she just caught sight of a woman galloping away with GN's Swiss Ball held aloft...ahhhr! if it's not nailed down it goes! So, having commandeered another Swiss Ball from the special Swiss Ball 'tree', Gym Ninja was able to perform a corrective Posterior Deltoid movement lying prone on the Swiss Ball, squeezing together her shoulder blades and then pushing the weights straight up in a push movement to work the shoulders and wake up the lazy trapezius muscles she is currently sporting as this seasons fashion accessory!

OK...a treadmill is free! How about a 5 minute sprint to get the heart rate going? Yep-that's what Gym Ninja though too, so she grabbed the treadmill and pressed start.....whirrrrrr.....stop. Lights out. Dead treadmill.
It was working moments ago! Now Gym Ninja's Polar Heart Rate Monitor was registering 199 bpm as she stood still. What IS going on? Does GN have some sort of electromagnetic disfunction going on right now?  A quick mirror check quashed her fear that maybe she was now sporting a static electricity afro...she wasn't...

Time for another chest exercise. Fed up with the territorial actions of women with benches/balls/weights, Gym Ninja grabbed a mat and positioned herself well out of the free weight area, in an empty floor space in the corner, away from the hustle and bustle of everyone. Press Ups! Yes, full press ups, and none of this box malarkey!

It was going SO well, until PLOP!
Out of nowhere, a Swiss Ball fell on her! Some woman had been carrying a Swiss Ball aloft and obviously either accidentally dropped it or been overcome with the need to bomb Gym Ninja as she did press ups....Damned evil Swiss Balls!

Gym Ninja turned around and whaddayaknow? The dead treadmill was now working perfectly for the next person on it. Must indeed be some sort of magnetic field GN is sporting...

Well, it wouldn't be a gym day if Gym Ninja didn't spot at least 5 women slumped dead on the floor, apparently 'working their abs'. OK people: a quick and easy fitness tip. If you wish to work your abs, you need to do more than lie on your back, motionless, on the floor. The gym is not a magical building. You do not carve muscular definition into your midsection merely by touching the floor.  Crossing one leg over the other knee and then remaining motionless is not working your obliques....but your mirror MUST be telling you this? You get the body you deserve! Earn it! We all have to! Nobody grows this shape naturally.
*Ping, up in the morning and a body like a Goddess!*
Sweat! Lift. Push. Pull. ENJOY the work that gets you the reward of an amazing body and increased fitness and energy levels. Nothing worth having comes easy.

After another check for available treadmills (must be a free Lotto ticket with every treadmill today in the gym as they are all taken STILL), Gym Ninja did her cardio on the X Trainer. Maybe tomorrow when the Chippendales/Prince Harry/Brad Pitt visit is NOT happening, will GN be able to get onto a treadmill for a run..?

See you then...
Gym Ninja xx