Tuesday, 2 February 2010

'Ello ello ello!'


Gym Ninja got her car yesterday!!!!!!
It was touch & go, as although it was promised by 4pm, at 3.30pm Gym Ninja received a phone call explaining that it wouldn't be happening due to the fact that the mechanics, despite having had the car since Thursday, had not yet started the safety checks.


So Gym Ninja, remembering that 'you catch more with honey than you do with vinegar', very quietly explained to  Mr Mini Man that although she appreciated it wasn't his fault, he 'had' promised her the car tonight, she could not collect it another night and, after all, had it not been for his long weekend off she'd have had it by now. Oh how disappointed Gym Ninja was! (cue dramatic sigh down the phone)

Within an hour he'd managed to arrange a 6pm pick up. So Gym Ninja razzed over in her old car, did the exchange and razzed off in her new one. It's now parked on her driveway taunting her with it's cheeky little headlights. Sadly Gym Ninja had to drive the company Blandmobile instead today-a car the size of a submarine, when all she wanted to do was razz about in her Mini Cooper!

Today, having spent the day cooped up in the Blandmobile driving to Bradford, Gym Ninja seriously needed a visit to the gym. So, once she'd emailed off her daily visit & call logs *sigh*, she headed inside the gym.

Immediately she knew the workout wasn't going to be the best, as the guy in front of her allowed the heavy front door to slam into Gym Ninja's face, without so much as a backward look. Was it Karma taking over when he then got jammed in the turnstiles at the entrance?

Talking of the new turnstiles, they aren't exactly wide. Now seeing as the majority of folk who attend a gym are doing so to aid weight loss as well as fitness, nailing to the floor brad new turnstiles that are narrower than those found at David Lloyd Gym and the like, just doesn't make sense? If someone who had a slightly larger circumference shall we say, were to see those turnstiles as they take the guided tour, and watch how many athletic people get jammed in them, would they not reconsider their choice of gym?

As Gym Ninja rounded the corner of the changing room doors, a woman hurtled in and  slammed into her. Hmmm, what is it with people and doors/power walks today? maybe Gym Ninja is invisible today?

So, with gusto, Gym Ninja fired out a 20 minute treadmill run. 11 kph is her new cruising speed and she toyed with the speed and incline throughout. Gotta keep the old body guessing you see.  Then it was upstairs for some lower body work.  Unfortunately today Gym Ninja had to keep the session brief due to the fact that, earlier this morning when she'd left the house, she'd had to stop on route at the Police Station. Allow Gym Ninja to elaborate...

This morning, as Gym Ninja was dragging out her broken works wheelie briefcase, her sports bag, her handbag plus the rubbish to go in the outside bin (oh JUST the rubbish was going in the bin btw) , she noticed something....

The wheelie bin had moved.

Goddamit! Why had it stuffed itself in the far corner near the side fence?

Gym Ninja went to drag the bin back to where it usually lives, when she noticed that the back gate was also open. Hmmm. As she turned round, the large palm tree (planted by the previous occupier) was no longer stood straight. It was now leaning at a 30' angle against the fence!


Gym Ninja soon became Detective Ninja...

1. Wheelie bin now standing by side fence that backs onto another house's back garden.  Possible step over fence?

2.  Side gate left open. Possible easy escape route from back garden into front and then over the step (bin)?

3.  Squished palm tree. Possibly designed to act as a slide for swag to be passed over fence and/or as short cut stepping stone over fence? 

So with this uneasy feeling, Gym Ninja detoured on route to Bradford and stopped off at the local Police Station to report her suspicions.

"I'd like to report something suspicious" Announced Gym Ninja to the police woman on duty, rolling her eyes in a furtive manner.

The police woman seemed keen. She grabbed her pen and nodded at Gym Ninja to continue...

"My wheelie bin has been moved!"

The police woman stared at Gym Ninja, her pen not making any notes. A look of incredulousness on her face. Hmm, GN guesses this isn't what the police woman was hoping for?

"The bin is now BY THE FENCE That separates my property to the one to the side of it. I think the bin has been left near the fence so someone can climb over it quickly. Someone like a BURGLAR!". Gym Ninja looked triumphant at this statement, waiting for the policewoman to start writing.

 She didn't.

"Also, the back gate was left open AND the tree next to the fence has been knocked over to form a rest against the fence, again another way of getting over the fence quickly!"

At this, the police woman perked up and started to write down some notes. Oh yeh, interested NOW aren't ya Missey?  For good measure, Gym Ninja also informed the police woman of the news her neighbour gave her before Christmas-that 'figures' had been seen at the dead of night creeping through everyones back gardens....

With a dramatic full stop of her pen, the police woman muttered something about letting the 'people' know to be aware (as in the police doing that beat?) and that was it.

Gym Ninja left, wondering whether the police woman was totally underwhelmed by her theory?

So you see, Gym Ninja had to keep the workout brief and head home asap as she'd remembered that she'd done everything that they show you shouldn't do on the Crime Advert on TV right now (click link if you don't know the one).

She'd left the spare Mini car keys on the coffee table in full view of the window, along with the documentation. She'd left an envelope with cash in it also on the coffee table. She hadn't locked the shed (although she'd kind of appreciate it if someone ransacked the shed as it;s full of broken stuff). Her laptop was in it's case next to the sofa. The XBox 360 consule handset thingie (the word escapes Gn right now) was left in full view..ogh and more worrying was, the house wasn't exactly pristine so imagine what the burglars might think?

Luckily the house hadn't been burgled. But GN has learned her lesson and is hiding EVERYTHING!!!!!!

Toodle pip

Gym Ninja x