Wednesday, 23 December 2009

The 500 Workout

Welcome. As always. 

As promised, Gym Ninja is reporting back having tried the first of many of the circuit style slaughters shown on

She participated last night after finishing her work for the day and before suffering the nightmare that is Asda on the run up to Christmas.  Coincidentally, by trying the workout, she also discovered an excellent method of delaying switching on your central heating in sub-zero temperatures. No need for heating when you have one of Bodyrock's circuits to try! 

Gym Ninja picked the 500 Workout to begin with. It looked at an intermediate level with nothing too taxing nor any requirement for skipping. The thing with skipping is that GN's home does not have 40 foot high ceilings, so she would need to skip outside. Skipping outside when there is snow and ice is not tempting enough somehow....

The workout ran as follows...  allow Gym Ninja to elaborate how she got through each stage..

After a Dynamic Stretch Warm Up, Gym Ninja was raring to go. Kind of. It was, after all, a tad nippy but she knew it'd be pointless switching the heating on as she'd bake in about 5 minutes doing this workout.  So, with her 'wannabe Zuzana style crop top', off she went...all in the comfort of her living room, just to the left of the Christmas Tree.

Prisoner Squats 50 reps
Hands on heads and squat down. Easy enough. No problem. Off we go....
Oh. Oh I does start to take it's toll somewhat as you are doing the reps nonstop and the hand position means no momentum to help. Ah well-probably because this is the first exercise so Gym Ninja may not be fully warmed up?  What's next?

Sit Ups 50 reps
OK-full sit ups-old school eh? Off we go, using the zebra striped rug that is currently covering up the ceramic tiled floor of her living room. Off we go.....and er.....oh. Hard work. 50? This move is covering Gym Ninja's outfit in zebra print fluff off the rug. Damned rug. Zuzana doesn't get covered in fluff doing her workouts, grrr. 

Backwards/forwards lunges 50 reps (25 per leg)
Ah this is kind of fun. Lunge forward then with the same leg immediately backwards as one rep. Do one side first. legs begin to tire and GN starts to wobble towards the Christmas Tree. Quick! Concetrate! But legs are getting tired...Cue the most pathetic panting and gasping akin to the type on Bodyrock tv. AHHHR! Gym Ninja thought the panting was purely for the male audience! Who knew that the actual workout induces this kind of adult-esque noise?   After much wobbling and stumbling and a near bauble experience off the tree, GN moved on to the next exercise...

Push Ups 50 reps
Uh oh! GN HATES push ups! She struggles to do them-more to do with wrist issues as she never feels comfortable. Oh, and yes, because they are hard! GN had to do this in stages. As many full push ups as possible, maybe with a few seconds rest inbeween each batch, before switching to the girly embarrassment of the adapted push up so she could complete the set without dying...

By now Gym Ninja was starting to suffer from zebra print fibers in her eyes. CHEAP rug! EVIL rug! 

Reptile 50 reps
So....never tried this move before. Looks easy enough on the video....
Are you familiar with the phrase 'spoken too soon?'. Gym Ninja actually had a near death experience carrying this move out. Not only were her arms shot from the batch of push ups she'd just undertaken, but the exercise is actually evil! Tiredness and eye fibers caused her to lose her balance more than a few times, so that there may have been (ahem) a tree-scraping incident on about rep 17. NOT particularly comfortable if the fairy lights have been on for a while and one head-buts a bulb! Zuzana never scalds herself with Christmas Tree lights! *fume* 

Turkish Get Up 50 Reps
By this point GN was done with humiliation and knew if she attempted this dodgy looking move she'd fall headfirst onto the tree and be heading to A&E with a cinnamon parcel decoration embedded in her nostril. So, due to H&S (and NOT laziness!!!!!! ... well...maybe not much....) she skipped this part. Ooops! 

Side V Crunch 50 reps (25 each side)
Phew! A move she found relatively easy. Easy if you do not include the burning fiber-filled eyeballs. Easy if you do not count a curious cat who decides to investigate close up what you are doing as he drags his tail under your nose in a Hitler-esque style moustache.

Split Push Ups 50 reps
Grrr. ENOUGH with the push ups. Gym Ninja renamed these  the Split Push Up/Jelly Collapse as this is, in effect, what she did. She managed maybe 3 reps before stopping, 2 more then collapse, before a burst of 4 then near death...and so on. By now she had an audience of cats. Well..2. Watching with a look of pity on their furry faces....

Jump forwards Jump Back 50 reps
Grateful to not have to do anything more with her arms, GN dragged herself to her feet, panting in the Adult-esque way, covered in half a rug of fibers, and started to jump. Jump forwards, 2 jumps back = 1 rep...easy peasy a blessed relief. Yep? 
The first 10 were fine. Then GN's legs started to rebel. They didn't like the move. They wanted to shimmy her over to the Christmas Tree for a final 'make her fall into it' type finale.  Gym Ninja had to reposition herself before flopping elephant-style into the ground with her heavy-footed jumps time & time again to avoid the Christmas Tree attack!  Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrn!

Reverse Plank Knee Tucks 50 reps
With a flop worthy of a drunken man, Gym Ninja collapsed onto the zebra print rug. She was past caring about the fibers that covered her workout clothes. She didn't care if she was perilously close to the Christmas Tree and it's red hot bulbs. Brand her head like a cattle-see if she cared! This was the last exercise and on the video....yep...she said 'looked easy enough'...
Cue much panting, more collapsing than holding strong, plenty of rests and a major struggle to complete the required number of reps. Holy cow!!!!! A killer to finish!

So, with wobbly limbs and a fine covering of zebra, Gym Ninja slowly stretched out her limbs and cooled down. THAT, ladies and gents, was a lower-intensity session. Gym Ninja is scared of the next one....but she will do it...will you????

'Would you rather have jelly legs you cannot control that will always thrown you into any nearby tree, or be covered in man-made fibers that flake off into your eyes?'

Gym Ninja x