If you are reading this the day it was posted, then you too are staying in this New Year? Gym Ninja hopes you have a relaxing end to the decade & are ready to see what lies in store for 2010.
If you are reading this on 1st January, then Gym Ninja will blog quietly so as not to aggravate your pounding head. Apparently your pounding alcohol-induced headache is due to dehydration which means that the body has drained the water from the brain, causing the brain to shrink. Once the brain shrinks, it pulls on the membrane surrounding it (the membrane that is attached to your skull), hence the pain....
By the way, the hangover story is NOT a made up story. It is fact. She learned it from the 'Stuff You Should Know' podcast on iTunes. Fact!
The next story JackaNinja will tell you is also fact. Get comfy with your glass of whatever (Resolve if 1st Jan) and allow GN to continue.....
There was once a little girl who was chubby. A fairly big heffalump when born (something her mother has mentioned to her more than a few times over the years), who grew, and expanded, into a chubby toddler and a bit of a fat kid. Let us call her 'Chunk', for the sake of the story.
Now Chunk recalls loving her food. REALLY loving her food. She was more than able to eat and eat and eat until she was full to the top. She would then continue to eat, purely because she loved the taste. She recalls visiting her grandparents and telling her Nanna than when she was a grown up the first thing she'd do would be to buy a whole cheesecake and eat it all to herself. She would then scoff caramel toffees from Marks & Spencers (the ones with the blue wrappers), and fill up on Ginger Cake with hot custard as she watched her Nanna bake.
When Chunk was full yet wanted to eat more (such as the time she was bought a box of Maltesers aged about 7), she would lie face down on her tummy to relieve the discomfort and carry on. By 'carry on', she meant until they had all gone. Chunk did not understand that you could have a few sweets then put the rest away until next time. She ate one after the other with no break. Sweet or savory, it made no difference. Chunk had been known to eat sugar lumps straight from the bowl, demolish an entire chocolate swiss roll at her older sisters birthday party, eat an entire M&S white chocolate snowman from her Auntie Jenny without being sick, buy huge bags of rainbow sherbet and eat it with her finger until her finger turned a funny shade of purple and went all shrivelled from her sucking on it (funny how some skills transfer into adult hood eh....but that is a FAR different story). Fizz bombs and white mice chocolates were also yummy to Chunk. In fact, pretty much everything was. Do you see the problem?
Combined with this ability to eat anything that wasn't nailed down, Chunk was inherently lazy. Her mum had to prize her out of the pram when she was old enough to walk, & she'd rush home from school to sit in front of the TV whilst she scoffed lumps of cheese, biscuits (whole packets of ginger thins) and sweets. PE was a nightmare to Chunk! She was embarrassed that her chubby thighs rubbed together as she walked, so donning a skimpy PE kit as a Primary School child was not enjoyable, nor was the painful feeling she got as her body protested about her attempting to run or climb. In fact, poor Chunk was never to learn how to do a forward roll properly, as her tummy got in the way and she'd roll off to the side. Always one of the last to get picked for teams at school too, she was embarrassed to try and join in. Luckily for Chunk, she was academic and creative, so she simply ignored the hatred of exercise and concentrated on other things....
Into secondary school, Chunk slimmed down thanks to her growth spurt. But she quickly put the weight back on. Never so huge that she'd become a documentary subject on Channel 5, but big enough to get the occasional comment thrown at her, plus she hated her fat legs. A few hurtful comments/situations that stuck in Chunk's mind and still do to this day:
1. Being picked to be 'Fairy Liquid' at the Primary School Play, aged about 8, Chunk was brought into a classroom of older children where the headmistress was teaching, so that the headmistress (who was making her fairy costume) could measure her up for her dress. Something she did in full view of the older children and then got someone to write her measurements down on the blackboard as the older children sniggered......
2. Getting stuck on the top of the A Frame during PE class aged 5 because she was too tubby to climb properly....
3. Sitting in Art aged 11 as her friend tried to draw her. The Art Teacher came over to her friend and said "No, you haven't done it right, Chunk has a big round face and a big round mouth", before promptly drawing in two huge circles on the paper...
4. Always pretending to 'help look after the asthmatic kids' during cross country or PE (which meant hanging back and not having to move fast), then being burnt up by the kid with asthma, leaving Chunk panting and choking for air as she tried to catch up.
5. Aged 9 going round to her friends house to play after school, and asking to borrow some jeans to change into, then not being able to do up the zip, much to her friend's mum's amusement....
6. Aged 14 during class just before lunch break, telling her friend that she was 'starving', to which her friend replied "You're no more starving than my sister Charlotte". (Charlotte was another fat kid).
Of course there are many more stories...feeling hugely embarrassed every time she had to get changed before or after PE. Noticing her friend had hip bones that jutted up when she lay down, something Chunk never ever knew she had and certainly couldn't feel let alone see...you get the drift, no?
Chunk was finally fed up of being overweight. She wanted to do something. She was fed up with trying to dress up and look nice aged 15 and then crying when she saw her reflection in the mirror. So aged 15 she began her first 'diet' and counted calories and lost the weight. Of course, she was 15 so didn't appreciate that forgoing some foods so she could blow calories on a slice of cake was healthy, but who thinks of their health aged 15? This coincided with her recalling the ONLY PE module she'd ever enjoyed a couple of years ago that had involved them being taken to the local Gym and trying resistance machines. So on and off, she went to the gym too (when brave enough to go, taking her friend for moral support), and marvelled at the toned women and wondered if she would be like that one day? Soon, Chunk was what we now know as 'skinny fat'. Slender on the outside but not really toned, and still eating junk, but less of it.
The Chunk became a student, 'lived the lifestyle', and then had a revelation aged 21...a friend of her parents died. She thought "No point studying at University and getting my brain to a peak if my body goes and packs in is there?". So that was that! Chunk (no longer Chunk by this point btw) joined the gym and so began her love affair with the weights! So much so, she studied to become a Gym Instructor and worked in leisure for 7 years, helping those who hated their figures/hated exercise, to learn how to enjoy it and see the results...
A cute story no?.....
You'd have to be a bit 'blonde' to not realise that Chunk is actually Gym Ninja. Now it wasn't all happy ever after. The weight crept on again when she left the fitness industry and she had to drop 2 stone (gained thanks to her new love of chocolate, Haribo and Peach Schnapps) to get back to where she needed to be. Also, her diet wasn't anywhere near perfect! In fact, Gym Ninja would say that it is only the past year that she has finally worked out her demons (sweet tooth!) and in the end gone cold turkey with her love affair with sweets. It was only this year that she finally realised that organic is the best route where possible to keep pesticides and chemicals low. It was only this year that she learned why she needed to eat every 3 hours or so to prevent muscle breakdown and sugar peaks and troughs. It was only this year that she stopped dallying with supplements and got the most out of them by combining it with a very healthy diet and exercise programme, whilst ensuring she spent money on the decent brands and not the cheaper yet less effective stuff that floods the market. Hell, it was even this year when she finally realised long slow aerobic training plus weights isn't the best combination, and that she needed to throw in High Intensity Intervals too.
So you see? Hope for us all, in a cheesy 2010 type inspirational blog moment. Now Gym Ninja does not insinuate that you all need to aspire to be like her, as she knows not many of you do, plus many of you are probably people she aspires to be like herself and could teach her a thing or two. That is not the point. The point is, she now 'values' her body and health. She has seen many people she loves fall sick and suffer; sometimes through their own lifestyle choices. She knows she can help prevent similar illnesses or injuries by taking care of what she eats and how she exercises. Nothing crazy. No fads. Just simple cooking, healthy lean meats, fish, dairy and plenty of vegetables. Limit the processed foods as much as possible. Cut out completely those foods she knows she can never say no to and eat in 'moderation' (Chunk won't allow her to eat in moderation even today). This is why Gym Ninja is moving back into the fitness industry. She 'belongs' there. She knows every excuse out there for not eating properly or for not exercising as she (aka Chunk) has used them all herself! She also knows that when she tells you that you will soon love exercise and learn to eat healthily and feel oodles better, she KNOWS this to be true as she felt these changes herself. She guarantees it. But only you can decide if you are worth taking care of. You are. Everyone is. So do something about it.
So...to summerise...a new decade. A new year. Lots of health and fitness related 'resolutions' being bandied about. But do not rush into it only to falter. Do not try and change everything in one go. Start with one thing. Get into a habit (regular exercise or cooking from scratch). The start to add something else. if you fall off the wagon (oh you will-we all do), start again the next day. Now bugger off, as Gym Ninja has indulged in her woe -is-Chunk moment waaaaaay too long and needs to go get the braised organic steak with mushrooms and shallots out of the oven (yum!).....
*tries to hold back Chunk, who still lives inside Gym Ninja and wants feeding like ALL of the time...*
Happy new YOU Ninjarettes...
Much love
Gym Ninja xx (& Chunk)
