Thursday, 10 December 2009

What's that smell?

T'was a stinky old Gym session for Gym Ninja today. To the point where she started to question whether this 'illness/overtraining' malarkey she'd recently suffered from had left her with an  'enhanced bionic sense of smell'? Everything was so very pungent...or should that be 'everyone?'

Gym Ninja has suffered a fair bit of bloating these past few days. No explanation forthcoming other than again, maybe if this tiredness was virus related, then it may be a nasty Ninja Germ that is balloon-like in stature, filling up Gym Ninja's stomach. Stupid  balloon virus....

So, off Gym Ninja pootled to the gym after a day sorting through quotes and admin. Her first cardio session of the week (shocking I know) and much needed. T'was also Leg Day for Gym Ninja aka Balloon Ninja & she was looking forward to it (whist hiding her balloon tummy behind her sweat towel).

As she wandered over to the treadmills, a strong waft of Deep Heat hit her nose! Someone on the cardio equipment had  greased themselves up in it. Look, if you MUST use Deep Heat, do so at home or outside. NOT in the gym. NOT next to Gym/Balloon Ninja please. It makes her nostrils hot!

So after a hot nostril-ed 20 minute run, interspersed by strong wafts of BO from an unidentified Gym Member (although it's a high possibility that it was the man with about 5 flies buzzing around him who created the stinky BO?), Gym Ninja went upstairs to start her leg training...

At the top of the stairs...oh look. Look who it is again? Lanky! He greets Gym Ninja and they exchange pleasantries. he tells her about his new job and how he plans to fit in his workouts around it. They laugh at how true gym addicts consider workouts and when they can hit the gym if they take the job, when job seeking.

"When I'm job hunting I'm just interested in making sure I can fit in enough time  to work my muscles afterwards" Said Gym Ninja.

Lanky Nodded.

"There's only one muscle I'M interested in working right now!" He said, nudging Gym Ninja.
"Fnar Fnar!"

She looked at him.
She looked at the arm that he had nudged.
Do not 'nudge' Gym Ninja. She could slit your throat with the edge of her gym sweat towel if you touch her without asking.

'I think you'll find, THAT is not a muscle!" She berated him, rolling her eyes.

"Er..I meant my ears"! Backpedalled Lanky.
But then, returning to the very essence of Frankie Howard, he continued with...
"The thing with ears like mine, is that you could hang on to them and I don't need to come up for air much".

Gym Ninja is aware of the power that is her 'withering stare' and for that reason rarely rolls it out. But now it was needed. Cue withering stare and a very technical and ardor dampening explanation about cartilage of the ear.

Today's session was a mixture of squats, deadlifts, straight legged deadlifts, split squats and a couple of faffy machines thrown in. Namely the Adductor and Abductor machines.  Uh oh. Bionic smell came back. The Adductor machine area smelled of dog poo. Gym Ninja checked the carpet area. No stains. She checked the foot rests of the machine for 'scrapings' of dog poo. Nothing. So Gym Ninja was just about to sit down on the machine, when she started to wonder exactly what WAS causing the smell? Was it something non-dog related? Was it something on the seat perhaps...?

Gym Ninja decided that actually, she didn't feel like working her Adductors today......!

Back in the changing rooms Gym Ninja rummaged around in her handbag, only to notice everything had a thin veil of pale brown powder on it. Her bag also smelled of chocolate. Bionic sense of smell you see.

After a quick investigation, it turned out a previous sandwich bag she'd stashed a spare serving of Chocolate Promax protein powder in had leaked due to her not sealing it properly, so now all her handbag contents were lined in chocolate flavoured protein powder. Nice!  A very expensive yet high quality bag freshener. Talking of supplements, tomorrow Gym Ninja may regale you with her latest adventures in trialling new supplements, namely protein bars. Yum! But then again, she may get a mission and end up talking about that instead. That's the thing with Gym just never know.....

'Man who fish in other mans well often catch crabs'

Gym Ninja x